Nigeria VS East Africa – Review of my tour


Whoop! Been a while! I’ve missed writing, trust me. Too busy. My ‘twin’ sister got married and I represented my dad at the wedding. twin Then I’ve been on a mini tour of East Africa, as I said I’ll do in a post emphasizing the need for a vacation. So far, I’ve touched Kenya, Rwanda and Tanzania (and I’m not done). And I’ll do a comparison between Nigeria and East Africa (EA for short). Sit back, enjoy and see who wins. For each category, there’s a winner, and trust me, it’s going to be hilarious. P.S: I spent about 3 weeks, and saw not everything. So this analysis is not necessarily perfect. Pun intended. Cars and Automobiles: As a Nigerian, or Lagosian, G-Wagons, Range Rovers, and the likes are common. Here, I did NOT see ANY G-wagon(more like there are no G-Wags, autobiography, Bentleys or sport cars). A few 2007 range rovers, saw a G-class once. You know how hard it is to find a Ferrari in Ajegunle, that’s how hard it is to find our regular cars (Honda, KIA, Hyundai and co). I think Toyota is the official car in East Africa. And I’m not talking of Camry and Avalon. Here, you see find the ones you never knew exist. Allion, Noah, Mark V, Grande, Probox and a long list. Ooh yess, in EA, while driving, cyclists and also animals(especially cows) compete for the road with you. Animals have right of passage on many roads. And I don’t mean goats and chicken, I mean real animals. Driving to Mombassa (a city in Kenya), you drive by parks and see wild animals in their habitat, undisturbed. So for automobiles, its Nig 1- EA 0. The Babes: hian, my hosts and I would argue till forever on this, but I stand my ground. Naija babes are the bomb compared to EA. Call us vain, call us artificial, I accept. A typical Nigerian lady consciously wants to look good and attractive. Nails, rubywoo, make-up, etc. The definition of good looking here is different abeg. Quite frankly, I dint meet any lady that got me ‘oh la la-ing’. Now, I appreciate the Brazilian hair and stuff. Dudes, you don’t want your babe in some ‘just there’ hair, or face. Went to the University thinking my morale would be enhanced, it fell the more. And yes, I think being light skinned here is a crime (shoot me). Also, the few ladies I met, had an issue with keeping in touch. Now, maybe, just maybe, they are so committed, and don’t loaf around newly met guys, but biko, why did you offer your number? You could have come out straight and said no. But if you meet a typical Nigerian lady, she’s either nice, or not. They don’t ignore your messages and stuff. Plan to meet an East African babe for a 2nd date, you would wait till your visa expires. So far, it’s. Nig 2- EA 0. The Anti-Social Behavior: SAMSUNG CSC Now, a Nigerian lady drives a solid car, and takes hours to get set, to attend an event, only to get there and start pinging or doing something on her phone. In EA, it’s not really like that. They aren’t attached to their phones as we are. I was called anti-social a good number of times. You could attend a house party, and they tell you to drop your phone in a bag at the door. Loll, a Nigerian can turn back just because of that. Hmmmn,so it’s Nig 2 – EA 1. Weddings and Celebrations: Oh gosh, they are simple. We in Nigeria, we know, Aso Ebi 1st, then 4-course meal, best of drinks and all. Here, na lie. Attended a wedding, most peeps were in jeans, trousers, shirts, you know, dressed like they were off to a movie. It’s shocking and amazing. And they eat the way they would eat at home. And no sourvenierssss!!! In Nigeria, I think we put too much emphasis on the guests and social status, meanwhile in EA, it’s about the couple or celebrants. They got full attention from the guests, and were made to feel excited. This is dicey, I can’t tell if our culture is better or theirs. But I’ll give it to them for simplicity sake. Thus, Nig 2- EA 2. Standard of Living: I dint do a good survey of a decent salary, so I can’t say if the rents are expensive or not. Typically, if you live close to the Island, or City Centre, you pay more rent. Thus, a 2 bedroom house in 1004 estate is not less than 1.8million, while theirs is about 1million. This comes with uninterrupted power supply, and a very tasty apartment. You know all these serviced apartments we hype in Nigeria, that’s what a basic, average person in EA lives in, at half the price of what we pay. Ooops, EA leads, beating Nigeria 3-2. Please bear with me, it ends soon. The Clubs. No debate, no plenty talks, we beat EA hands down. In short, I can angrily give 5 points for this. I go to a club, and they are serving canned/bottled beer. Whaaaaaat?! The biggest guys are doing Red Label, at half our price. The Babes are dressed like they are going to shop. Ooh no, I was depressed. However, I attended a Rugby game, and there was an after party. That’s where most babes turnt up (they can grind for Africa though). But do I have to wait for a Rugby game after-party to have fun? Please please Nig 3 – EA 3. Their culture: adults greet with this kiss on the cheek, as the queen of England would do. That’s not too common in Nigeria. We just hug or shake or do a fist bump. That’s not an edge over us, durh. But this is strange to me: you can’t just call a guy or lady to come and chill with you. It’s like ‘seriously’? If I have 2 friends in the house, and need to play a game for 4 people, I can easily call a babe to come, and it’s no biggie. Here, it’s just doesn’t sound right. To me, that’s weird, and so I give it to Nigeria. Nig 4 – EA 3. Dressing. Earlier said, we Nigerians do better with looks. Both Formal and casual dressing, we are icons. If Ope Hussain, Busayo and Boye Kasali or Frankie J were here, they would be deported for good dressing. East Africans just combine something, and that’s it. My host is a DJ, and doesn’t wear formal clothes, so for him, I understand why I couldn’t get a cufflink. But I looked around, its rare. I have loads, every Nigerian has plenty. You know, I mean, it’s like. Yes yes Nig 5 – EA 3. Food: SAMSUNG CSC In EA, every gas/petrol station has like 5 eateries. Eating out is a norm, and what do they sell? Chips and chicken. Like seriously? Only an eatery, I repeat, only 1, sells rice (not even KFC). For once, I miss rice!!! They’ve got different types of chips, different types of chicken, then the regulars, like pizza, ice cream and all that boring stuff(in a sarcastic tone). I need to host some EA indigenes in Nigeria. Since I miss rice, I’m forced to say Nig 6 – EA 3. So Nigerian wins, thank You. Ok, I think I’m done with my bants and rants. I definitely had a great time. With the massais, seeing a rugby game, trying out new food, feeding lions and giraffes, meeting people, a ride in the desert. I was even on national TV and DSTV for a show, and was given some 10 minutes to talk. The only thing I did not do was skydiving. That’s been reserved for South Africa. massaii gir rugby desert To my hosts, Sanch and Shawn, Nigeria awaits you. can’t thank you enough Then you have the chance to do your analysis also. sanch shawn

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12 thoughts on “Nigeria VS East Africa – Review of my tour

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  1. Oh mi!! Really amazing, wonderful comparative analysis…its there really a better culture?? Nah don’t fink so, its very relative

    Well done n congrats on your sis wedding!!

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  2. Still laffin @ animals esp cows compete for da road with u.Guess dey really value animals.Guess u had a wonderful stay.And d’lady in lemon is…………………….?

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  3. Nicely said but they (Eastern Africans) are used to their lives and would see ours as a NO. Having said that, Naija no dey carry last 🙌🙌

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  4. EA babes may b less fancy n all but dey defntly hav greater curves than naija babes! #TeamSlimThick yakpa 4 dat zones

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