The Anti-Beard Gang


When I was growing up, relaxing my hair and trying to have curls or sportin’ waves was synonymous with me. Everything to catch the feminine attention, and of course, keep her glued to me. But then, the hair really wasn’t enough.


So they said height was the thing. Choi, I’m a true son of my father, and on that note, they did not share the jaw dropping height to my family. I’m average height, and that makes my mum and I the tallest in the house. Nonetheless, I got some really nice ladies. Trust me, some were the envy of tall brothers.


Ok, then I was skinny. No food, no vacation, no relaxation added theweight. I remember someone I was dating while still very lanky really emphasizing how I needed to gain some weight. Long story short, bobo added weight, but then we split. Then came the next girlfriend who felt I was fat!! Seriously!!? So I tried getting slimmer, and got a sit up bench for my apartment, and cut on the cold stone and junk.


Just a few days into this therapy, I met this amazing lady who just fell in love with my tummy. Oh, it was mind blowing. She would complement it, I wonder, could this be true?


beard gang

Fast forward to today.


These ladies don’t want height, or a flat tummy, or good English again. Its beards!

1 of my sweet talk lines used to be ‘you should be cool dating someone like me. I look younger than my age. So when I’m 30,i’ll look 24; when I’m 50, I’ll look 38’. That can’t work again, because they don’t want young looks. Beards definitely make you look older. Jeez, it impedes romance. I’m even going to be very selfish here! Why would you want your man looking older? Isn’t fresh face meant to be the in-thing?


A movement starts today. It’s the Anti-beard Rebels.


If I leave spirit permanently on my chin, this beards won’t even be bushy in a year. I’m not hairy, so does that mean I can’t get all this pretty ‘beard gang’ ladies? This my naturally endowed/enhanced pink lips isn’t enough? I talk with my nose (from birth though), and the hearts aren’t melting?


Brothers, ignore the abs, beards, and height or black lips. Look good, and be consistent with the bae. Nothing works better than consistency. They are gonna raise the standards and bar so high, but as long as you treat her right, she would bulge. Did I say you shouldn’t hit the gym, or stay trendy or unattractive to the woman you desire? No. But if nature doesn’t give you those attributes, use the ones you can develop yourself.


And if she doesn’t bulge, it’s not meant to be.

Thus, over to the next!!!


Signed: League of Unbearded Gentlemen (LUG).


7 thoughts on “The Anti-Beard Gang

Add yours

  1. Lol @ LUG. Men r meant to have beards, something to play with. Been smooth aint sexy so u need something stronger than spirit.

    Yours beardlover


  2. LMFAO……beard is jst sexy…sorry kola d girls love it…#beardgang…….but I support u wen it comes to the part of #potbelly!!! Well most girls av met love my Potbelle and wen they rub it I feel like a #Sugardaddy….lol


  3. Dude, you’re not average height, you’re short!

    Thanks for speaking out for the LUG tho.

    Power to us LUG and to our cousins in the Struggle Beard Gang, #alutacontinua, Victoria not very certa. 😑


  4. I’m amazed at your utter disrespect for the evidence of manhood “BEARDS”!!!

    Letter of sympathy:

    Dear Kola of LUG,

    We acknowledge your inability to grow BEARDS and we sincerely sympathize with you.

    We know how difficult this must be for you, you are in our thoughts and prayers. As always, we are blown away by your amazing spirit and strength, but unfortunately this time you are in contention with MEN WITH BEARDS, stay strong, love does conquer all.

    Don’t hate. Embrace BEARDS, maybe one day you will grow some.

    Yours BEARDEDLY,

    T JONES.


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