Beyond ovaries and a waiting womb

I really wanted to write something about bringing something into the marriage, so I discussed with my far but close friend, Funke  ‘Efkay’ Akanmu, who agreed to write this for me. Its so professional and inspiring.




Read along……


Marriage is one of those things that everyone looks forward to; well, maybe mostly ladies (I take that back- it’s something everyone looks forward to). There’s just something about “marriage” that makes anyone giddy, excited and even panic. Oh I know what that something is: WEDDING! Weddings are so so so exciting that it’s termed one of the most important and biggest days of one’s life. 

From a very young age, whether it’s from performing numerous little bride or ring bearer duties, the importance of your “wedding” is ingrained in our minds. For the rest of our formative and growing years, we would begin to chase the ideal partner, the ideal course of study-so we can save up for that wedding and have good life, the ideal dress, and did I already mention the ideal partner? Ah yes!
There’s something we kind of leave behind during all these scheming and planning of our ideal future and wedding day and that’s :our individualism and sense of self.
Your sense of self is simply the way you see yourself. No not the good ol’ “I wanna look like Kim Kardashian” (I can’t even believe I’m typing her name here), but the “my name is lagbaja, and I am this and that, I want to be this and that, I will have a this and that effect on my generation and do this and that for my environment…etc.”.
One common mistake- permissible as it may be, that a lot of us (mostly us women) make is leaving the individual that we were/are, before coming into marriage. The Bible says it that “two shall become one”! I am not an expert but I sure can tell you that bringing half into your marriage with someone who is a “one”, would bring both of y’all two a three quarter, not one!
For instance, you went to school, got a degree, you get married, your husband sets up a store for you, life is good! Yaayyy- right?? Well, WRONG! Ain’t nothing wrong with your man taking care of you, but what next after that?
Business is slow and you run back to him? Na-uh! OR he sends you to school, connects you with his friends in high places so you can get a job, he buys you a car, life is good right? WRONG! Again, nothing is wrong in your husband taking care of you. What is wrong is that your individuality is wrapped around this man, which means, your whole being and life are tied to him, that he does have reason to say “I made you”! Now that’s what’s wrong.
In case you were wondering, no I don’t consider myself a feminist- I consider myself a realist, and I believe in the old school love/marriage, where the man takes care of me. As a realist, I’d say you have to bring something to the table(marriage) that’s simply yours and yours alone. Something you can point out and say, that’s all me, 100%!
We all say we wanna be like the Proverbs 31 woman, but if you read that passage again, you’ll see something dominant: Grace and Hustle! And whether you’re a Christian or not, those two things are two things a woman should have. They’ll take you places you never imagined and icing on the cake? You won’t HAVE TO depend solely on your husband, but you would WANT TO, because as I said, he’s your husband!
That said, I wish you the best, as you embark on this Graceful journey of Hustling! Take something other than your ovaries and womb, waiting for semen to make a baby. Its much more than that.
DISCLAIMER: I’m neither married nor am I a marriage expert, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two right?? SAYONARA! ✌🏾✌🏾
A goldfish jumping out of the water to escape to freedom. White background.

22 thoughts on “Beyond ovaries and a waiting womb

Add yours

  1. This is so true.I always want to bring something “to the table”but my hubby says all I earn is solely mine.guess I am lucky.


  2. This is a great article Kola! Its true Ladies should have something to contribute in a marriage not just the ovaries and a waiting womb. We should dream bigger , past getting married to a rich man. Pool your hustles and build an empire!


  3. Beautiful write up…kudos to d writer and d blogger.well its okay to allow d man pay the bills sometimes but not all d time so you don’t become a liability…Truly being a lady goes beyond ovaries and making babies,u should also have a functional brain and a praying spirit.


  4. Nice read, even the Bible says two heads are better than one, one will kill a thousand and two ten thousand….. I’ll always root for a woman who can hold things down for herself; Regardless of what may and whatever stage you get to, never leave your dignity and self worth behind… Never let your crown drop.


  5. Nice write up.
    It’s really good to have a handiwork or job or something doing dat puts money on d table but sometimes we shud just play ‘baby posh’ to d guys nd allow dem feel deir masculinity. #justsaying


  6. Educating especially for women of this 21st century who think life is all about getting married to a rich man and making babies which they are getting wrong . i see no reason why a woman with degree shouldn’t get a job and get good pay rather than depending on her husband for goodies and keeping it in mind that she’s a full housewife she doesnt have to work. Its a must read for all women planning to get married who think life is a bed of rose.


  7. Well..I don’t really have much to say after reading this write up..i think i like it especially d grace and hustle part. It’s a good one.


  8. Spot on. Most of the single folks (male and female) especially need to read this. Kudos to the writer and the blogger…very well said


  9. I totally agree with the writer on the emphasis made. You must first of all understand yourself and your dreams to be able to live the dream of another fact I dare to say the consequences of coming into marriage half filled has been underestimated…it births boredom; distance; infidelity; unfulfillment and lot of other bad stuff! You become a burden to your spouse; your family achievements and progress would be a drag because you came into it someone who is married..I think what I enjoy most about my marriage is the intellect I and my hubby share..the fact that we have our own dreams and we are chasing it together is exciting;..there is something to look forward to….talking too much..okay bye


  10. Marriage is much more abt getting preg and making babies.. dont knw abt other ladies out there bt me as an individual cant jst “sit and wait for daddy” before I buy panties. A woman is more appreciated wen she has a side hustle and can buy a box of match home witout collecting frm hubby.


  11. Well written and good to read as it locks in the reader from the beginning to the end. Well done. However I would have love to see some advice or counsel with cases/real life incidence and conclusions or recommendations based on cases and real life incidences analysed. Readers should read and leave with action points. Above all, this was well articulated with keen interest for a re-read.


  12. Ok so d drm of most girls is to gt married to a very wealthy guy n make babies probably bcuz dey want a part of his fortune.funny hw a lil misunderstanding mks d man ask “wia wia u wen I made my first millions”…..a wise woman should know that marriage is nt all about relying on d husband,what happens wen situations mks him rely on u(d wife)?….marriage is surely beyound ovaries and a waiting womb…..Nicely written darling


  13. Nicely written Funke. I commend your work. To the blogger Kola kudos to you as well. True piece. I believe a woman should have something she takes into that marriage that never involved her husband even if its a skill or hand craft job. Something! Never rely on d men alone for everything. We ladies let’s take more than our ovaries and wombs to our men’s home in the process we mustn’t forget our individual selves too.


  14. Nice read. I applaud the autor. A lot of women believe that when they get married, they are some sort of property, and don’t have to do nada. This post identifies that as a woman, U have to bring smtn 2 d table, and not totally dependent on your husband. More women should be like this o jere.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: