I really wanted to write something about bringing something into the marriage, so I discussed with my far but close friend, Funke ‘Efkay’ Akanmu, who agreed to write this for me. Its so professional and inspiring.
Marriage is one of those things that everyone looks forward to; well, maybe mostly ladies (I take that back- it’s something everyone looks forward to). There’s just something about “marriage” that makes anyone giddy, excited and even panic. Oh I know what that something is: WEDDING! Weddings are so so so exciting that it’s termed one of the most important and biggest days of one’s life.
From a very young age, whether it’s from performing numerous little bride or ring bearer duties, the importance of your “wedding” is ingrained in our minds. For the rest of our formative and growing years, we would begin to chase the ideal partner, the ideal course of study-so we can save up for that wedding and have good life, the ideal dress, and did I already mention the ideal partner? Ah yes!
There’s something we kind of leave behind during all these scheming and planning of our ideal future and wedding day and that’s :our individualism and sense of self.
Your sense of self is simply the way you see yourself. No not the good ol’ “I wanna look like Kim Kardashian” (I can’t even believe I’m typing her name here), but the “my name is lagbaja, and I am this and that, I want to be this and that, I will have a this and that effect on my generation and do this and that for my environment…etc.”.
One common mistake- permissible as it may be, that a lot of us (mostly us women) make is leaving the individual that we were/are, before coming into marriage. The Bible says it that “two shall become one”! I am not an expert but I sure can tell you that bringing half into your marriage with someone who is a “one”, would bring both of y’all two a three quarter, not one!
For instance, you went to school, got a degree, you get married, your husband sets up a store for you, life is good! Yaayyy- right?? Well, WRONG! Ain’t nothing wrong with your man taking care of you, but what next after that?
Business is slow and you run back to him? Na-uh! OR he sends you to school, connects you with his friends in high places so you can get a job, he buys you a car, life is good right? WRONG! Again, nothing is wrong in your husband taking care of you. What is wrong is that your individuality is wrapped around this man, which means, your whole being and life are tied to him, that he does have reason to say “I made you”! Now that’s what’s wrong.
In case you were wondering, no I don’t consider myself a feminist- I consider myself a realist, and I believe in the old school love/marriage, where the man takes care of me. As a realist, I’d say you have to bring something to the table(marriage) that’s simply yours and yours alone. Something you can point out and say, that’s all me, 100%!
We all say we wanna be like the Proverbs 31 woman, but if you read that passage again, you’ll see something dominant: Grace and Hustle! And whether you’re a Christian or not, those two things are two things a woman should have. They’ll take you places you never imagined and icing on the cake? You won’t HAVE TO depend solely on your husband, but you would WANT TO, because as I said, he’s your husband!
That said, I wish you the best, as you embark on this Graceful journey of Hustling! Take something other than your ovaries and womb, waiting for semen to make a baby. Its much more than that.
DISCLAIMER: I’m neither married nor am I a marriage expert, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two right?? SAYONARA! ✌🏾✌🏾