Back to the basics- part 3

Remember the “back to the basics series”? if you missed, please click here to read Part 1 and here for Part 2.

Here is part 3.

Do you ever feel like you’ve strayed so much and you no longer recognise who you are?

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost your sense of self, your identity?

Like the fundamental things that make up who you are have either being eroded with totally strange and unnecessary things or have been buried so deep you can no longer reach them?

I feel like that sometimes, like I have become someone else and gotten so used to being this new person. From time to time I remember who I was and I miss the fire that person had but then I quickly shove the thoughts aside and tell myself that as people grow, they find new passions and a new sense of self. Somewhere and somehow, i know I lie to myself and I just tell myself that to feel better.

Where do we draw the line between losing who you are and finding new passions?

Do we find a balance between both? Is it okay to be someone new?

Sometimes I miss the old me whom was a moralist even whilst being liberal. I knew where to draw the line between being liberal and doing the wrong thing. Now I explain almost everything from different perspectives and even when my heart tells me XYZ is wrong I question it. I say is it really wrong? Or I’m being narrow-minded? Have I factored all plausible angles? If seen from X perspective would it still be wrong or maybe not just as right as society would have it? Am I calling it wrong because my background, beliefs and experiences have shaped my thought process into believing it is wrong?

How do you go back to your fundamental make up? How do you find your essence even with all the new things that have become a part of you? Do you unlearn the things you’ve learnt? Do you “un-inculcate” behaviours that reflect or are expressed in your everyday living? Is this where religion comes in and you ask the Higher being for help?


These and many more I do not have answers to.
Written by Ayobare

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Back To The Basics -2

DANG! DANG!! DANG!!! That’s all that was banging about in my head.

My phone is ringing, it’s Iya Damola. “Happy New Year, may this new year be the……” she is praying *sigh* my head is killing me, another hangover. “AMEN! AMEN!!” I chant right back at her as I look for Panadol.

The woman loves me as DANG, and she’s really proud of me, but she’s still low-key disappointed. She thinks (and I agree) that I should be doing better than I am, for instance, I should have been in church casting and binding for the new year…..well, that didn’t happened. I mean, it was mad fun, there was lots and lots of drink, good conversation, and hot girls, whatever….. it was cool.

But really, is this all there is to life? It’s another year; I should not mess stuff up and have the boilerplate “I am just a bouncing baby boy” excuse at the ready. I should not spend all my salary on my beer and turn up and be like “why I come dey work, if I no fit turn up”. I mean, I really should get my shit together. I don’t know about you, but I live in a world of excess “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?” is the motto. Too much alcohol, too much food, too much women, too much drugs.

It’s about time I ask myself questions like,

  • If I don’t drink 6 bottles of beer, will I die? Like really, will I?
  • I see #TeamLightSkin babe on twitter, must i slide into DM? DMs that the most I can expect from it is meaningless sex that might just land you on @subdeliveryman timeline
  • GTBank retweeted some Shawarma Ad, must I call? I just had pizza delivered?

January 1st 2016 really had me thinking of how to minimize my excess.

It had me thinking like, all i should be working towards.

  • A better life for myself and my family
  • My relationship with God
  • Being as physically healthy as possible
  • Have a good relationship with my friends and family
  • Being happy

Hell, those are all I need!! Man. Those are the BASICS!!!! The main things I should strive and hustle.

DANG turn up, time to get back to the basics.

Written by Adedoja Adedamola.


Damola Adedoja is a web and graphic designer who works and schools in South Africa. An introvert with so many unpublished articles, loves art and is a very analytical critic.


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Back to the basics

The dictionary meaning of the phrase “back to basics” means: “stressing simplicity and adherence to fundamental principles”. In the urban dictionary, it means: “a return to previously held values of decency”.

In lame man’s terms, I’d say it means “simplifying what we have complicated”. There are several ways we can go “back to basics”: in our everyday lives, in relationships, dating, friendships, spirituality, work ethics and several more.

Now, when I say back to basics, I don’t mean living a flat basic life…No, it’s actually more than that.

  • Life. Life as we know it now is not what it used to be. Most people I have met, who come from different parts of the world have one common “philosophy” they were brought up with. It was the “go to school, strive for excellence, get a job, raise a beautiful family and everything else would work out” philosophy. In as much as life isn’t as cookie cutter as this, it still pretty much sums up what we all seek in life. Except now, we have gazillion things in place, while that philosophy keeps edging away from our reality. This is the point where I say we need to go “back to basics”. Although, modernization has taken over most parts of the world, we can still hold to the basic principles of life. We can still do life without hustling to become an Instagram celebrity, we can still do life without looking for a famous singer/actor/rapper/Instagram celebrity to latch on to so we can be shot into fame, lights, money and designer things. What happened to working hard and grinding for you, to being an upstanding man or woman who takes pride in is or her credible work? Hey I’m not one to knock anyone’s hustle, but if trying to be an IG celeb, or seeking out a famous person to get your share of the cake were what our folks spent all their time doing when they were our age, we would not be here today, would we?? I think not!
  • Dating. This one is tricky but at the same time, it’s not rocket science! There are many phrases that connote dating these days…how about the famous “Netflix and chill” or “hey do you wanna hangout or something”? Ha! Every single time someone has said something similar to any of these, I look at myself in the mirror like “you see your life??”-In a very thick Yoruba accent too! -Laugh, eat, be polite, be respectful, open doors for her, don’t drag him in the mud to look cool in front of your girlfriends, don’t be a kiss and tell (both guys and girls), send cute messages.
  • -ASK her to be your girlfriend or “go steady” with you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with making dating and romance as organic as possible. Don’t fake it, don’t be fake either…life isn’t that deep!
  • -Guys, ask her out!!! “Hey I’d like to take you out sometime, would you let me?”, “Can we go see a movie sometime and maybe eat dinner somewhere afterwards?” It’s just English, if you’re too shy, text her or better still, write her a note on paper! Cheesy? Yes, Corny? No!          If it’s the girl who wants to be the aggressor too, by all means, but PLEASE, enough of watering down the whole idea behind dating/love/courtship and all that.
  • Spirituality. This is a very touchy topic, as more and more atheists are bolder to discuss their beliefs-or non-beliefs and as religion keeps making the world sometimes difficult to live in. the only thing I’d say is that there is nothing wrong in believing in God and having a beautiful relationship with Him and to base all your standards on Him. But you have to stick to the foundational values of your religion! No, church is not a place to flaunt your wealth, your superiority or vanity! Go back to the Bible (basics) and see what having a relationship with God is about and what being a Christian means! No, the Mosque is not the place to show you are more humble or peaceful than the other person, go back to the Koran (basics) to see what being a Muslim is all about and get back on track! No, being an atheist has nothing to do with shoving your atheism down everyone’s throats and making them believe atheism is superior to Islam, Christianity or any other religions! Stick to the founding values of your choice and move on with life! It’s that simple!

Lastly, I’m not perfect either; people who know me know that perfection is far from what you’ll describe me as. I don’t know if I’m closer to being “back to basics”, but I’m aware of it in my everyday life. Remember the popular catch phrase “YOLO”? Which means, “you only live once”? How about we start applying it everyday in the little things? Always saying “Please” and “thank you” isn’t a weak move, it’s something our parents instilled in us and living by it is definitely a boss move!

Live life daily less and less from the Internet world and live it closer to those around you. Be kind, be sincere in all things, love as deeply as you can, be respectful and live life to the fullest!

Written by Felicia Akanmu.


Felicia Akanmu is a media communications expert and blogger also. She runs an NGO, is an ardent feminist and lover of God and charity.

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