So where does happiness lie?


‎‎There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
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This story says it all. Stop defining your happiness based on what the world expects it to be. 
Cease focusing on bigger or more. Why? Because those big things we supposedly desire might just be available to us, right away. ‎

Enjoy today. Enjoy the moment.  And make the best out of it!!!

Say no more!!


“Say no more”. Definition :
This phrase is a slang you’d to tell someone that it is not necessary to explain something further because you “over understand” what that person is trying to say.  
It’s a phrase I find myself using a lot, especially when talking to my girlfriend (when she’s not interrupting my conversation with the love of my life). 

For instance, check these out:

So how does this line come into play in that context? 

You are casually talking to your spouse and he or she says “babe, I smelt this Gucci Guilty perfume on my colleague at work. It smelled so good” or “Saturday is my diet cheat day. I need to indulge”. On hearing that, your response should be “say no more”. Why? Because you know you’re about to show up some days later or on that cheat day and show out by bringing your spouse that Gucci Guilty perfume, in fact, the gift set that comes with the lotion, shower gel and travel size perfume, or a fat tub of coldstone ice cream with chocolate sprinkles, m&ms hot fudge drizzle and or doughnuts from her preferred store. 
Please get the picture of the tub of ice cream off your mind and come back to earth. The point is : your spouse, lover, best friend, colleague, or that special person is just available to do it all for you, without you having to use all the mouth to say it (as yorubas say: “fi gbogbo enu so”). I mean, this doesn’t always have to be the case, but that person is ever willing to meet your every (or most) need. 

But how about a non-romantic setting? Your boss gives you an excel file that another colleague had put together. Your boss starts to explain how the columns and rows are all messed up, he’s explaining what and what to do, you’ve worked with him long enough to know what he/she needs from you. He’s telling you that the presentation is at 3pm, you know that means it has to be ready an hour before. Your answer? “Say no more, boss!” Why? You’re about to deliver by 1:30pm with the correct format! 
Or your mom goes out all day to the market, she returns exhausted but with tons of food? She’s about to start explaining how she needs everything put away in the pantry and the meat washed, etc. your answer? “Say no more, mummy!” Why? You’re about to put everything away in cabinets, deep freezer and refrigerator AND wash the meat and boil it, THEN have “Mariam” the house help go blend the pepper! 
I have a friend whose girlfriend dares not mention a want or need…it’s sorted, if not fully, to a large extent…he makes it priority. And I count myself lucky enough to have someone who would give me anything I subtly or loudly talk about.  

When you find such a person, marry him or her!
Ps: This is not a gender specific behavior, and it’s bliss when it’s mutual. In short, if it’s not mutual, erm, OYO is your case.

Also, be that stand up guy or lady whose answer is always “Say no more” to the requests you daily come across!

Read a similar post here

Back to the basics- part 3


Remember the “back to the basics series”? if you missed, please click here to read Part 1 and here for Part 2.

Here is part 3.

Do you ever feel like you’ve strayed so much and you no longer recognise who you are?

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost your sense of self, your identity?

Like the fundamental things that make up who you are have either being eroded with totally strange and unnecessary things or have been buried so deep you can no longer reach them?

I feel like that sometimes, like I have become someone else and gotten so used to being this new person. From time to time I remember who I was and I miss the fire that person had but then I quickly shove the thoughts aside and tell myself that as people grow, they find new passions and a new sense of self. Somewhere and somehow, i know I lie to myself and I just tell myself that to feel better.

Where do we draw the line between losing who you are and finding new passions?

Do we find a balance between both? Is it okay to be someone new?

Sometimes I miss the old me whom was a moralist even whilst being liberal. I knew where to draw the line between being liberal and doing the wrong thing. Now I explain almost everything from different perspectives and even when my heart tells me XYZ is wrong I question it. I say is it really wrong? Or I’m being narrow-minded? Have I factored all plausible angles? If seen from X perspective would it still be wrong or maybe not just as right as society would have it? Am I calling it wrong because my background, beliefs and experiences have shaped my thought process into believing it is wrong?

How do you go back to your fundamental make up? How do you find your essence even with all the new things that have become a part of you? Do you unlearn the things you’ve learnt? Do you “un-inculcate” behaviours that reflect or are expressed in your everyday living? Is this where religion comes in and you ask the Higher being for help?

 

These and many more I do not have answers to.
Written by Ayobare

Relationships and Social media


When people talk about relationships and Social Media, the most seemingly reasonable things we’ll hear them say are things like: “Keep your relationship away from Social Media”, “Healthy relationships do not seek attention”, etc. These things are actually somewhat true, so this isn’t a rant to debunk the smartness behind this thought pattern. It is a rant to draw us in a little bit closer to a pretty touchy topic.

The other day, and when I say other day, I mean, about a year or two ago, I noticed two people who are old school mates being cozy and a little overly friendly on Instagram. Few months later, I noticed that on Twitter, one of them would go on rants about “walking away from negativity” and the likes. On the other hand, the other party was posting “turn up” pictures, emojis and the likes everywhere. Later, the coziness disappeared! Can someone say I witnessed the beginning and end of their relationship? Most likely…I could be wrong, so I stand corrected.

social media.png

There are a few reasons (that I’d agree to for keeping relationships off social media):

  1. It’s easy to generate a false sense of identification in a relationship. If posting your relationship is the main way you identify yourself as a “partner” in a relationship then you’re in the wrong! When being together is so “basic” and boring that posting evidence(s) of your relationship on social media and generating attention from there makes you identify yourself as “a partner”, well bros/sistuh, go for a reevaluation!
  2. Too much Virtual PDA would make people dislike you as a person and as a couple! That is as plain as I can tell it. You can think “Who cares what people think?!” my answer is: “isn’t that one of the reasons you’re posting and won’t let us rest?” I know I sound like a hater but it’s the truth. According to a study done by Researchers, my point is correct!
  3. Nobody can say they know anything per se about your relationship. Your aunty won’t keep asking “when is he proposing?” under all you guys’ pictures, and his or her ex won’t be able to stalk you or find clues to sabotage your relationship. My mom says “What is covered is protected”!
  4. Your time spent with each other might be more genuine, deeper, and maybe more meaningful. Think about it, how much more genuine are you when you don’t have an audience? Probably a lot more…Your followers on social media are your audience members!

Although the following reasons to NOT post your relationship on social media are valid, it’s okay for your social media presence to NOT be completely void of your “romantic relationship status”. I personally, have never been a fan of exposing my personal life aka “relationship life” on social media but lately, I’m okay with being a little bit more open with it, I honestly don’t know why. There are a few reasons and methods that seem sane to me; I’d throw them out there:

  1. Excitement. When you’re with the right person, and you’re happy and it’s mutual, you want to share with your social media “family”. Key word is “share”, not “overshare”. Too much of anything is definitely not good.
  2. It might help you learn a bit more about your partner. You would think spending time with someone fosters that, not social media right? That’s not so accurate in our generation. See, we are full on in the digital age so we might as well accept it as a way and part of our lives-social media included. We always hear about people stepping out on their partners via social media, and this is true. Is your partner always posting suggestive pictures to get attention? Are they busy flirting on social media? These are actual valid issues that could come up in your relationship. Therefore, your relationship having somewhat of a social media presence can be helpful.
  3. This one is tricky, petty but valid- Marking your territory! Let’s keep it real; Men and ladies don’t stop setting major thirst traps on social media. Your relationship might not completely stop people from sliding into your/partner’s DM, thirsting in the comment section, but it’ll curb it to some extent. Also, it’ll also help foster the second example above.

I’d stop here. Regardless of any of the things named above, do what you’re comfortable with, enjoy your relationship and pay attention to your partner and get married! If you need motivation to marry, read this.

Originally posted here by Funke Akanmu

The Slacker’s approach to new year resolutions


nyr.jpg

I’m sure you were about to close this on seeing that it’s about New Year Resolutions. It eithers fails us, or we fail it. So we might as well ignore its existence right?! Wrong!

I’ve tried a few in the past, and boy was I terrible at it! I’d tell myself I would complete the Bible in a year. That would mean reading about 3 chapters a day. I’d be doing great if I lasted till January 8. I find a familiar Bible story, and then I start to slack. In March, I would have to clean dust off my Bible when my mom or someone asks for it, yes it’s that ridiculous!

I read it somewhere that “What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.” That roused some deep thinking. Therefore, the next January, when I had my mind set to “Read the Bible every day”, I knew I had to change my mindset. I couldn’t be too hard on myself — I would read Christian and inspiring books, many with Bible quotes. And on other days, I would read the Bible. In other words, I had to be a bit of a slacker.

It worked!

Building a small daily habit was easier than a big inconsistent habit. Although it was not easy, as I fell off the wagon several times, but each time, I managed to get back on. Since the goal was doable, if I missed a day or two, I didn’t have to break the ice when I resumed. It worked, and the habit stuck! Please don’t ask me if I finished reading the Bible, Thank you.

As you all might know, I write a lot. However, a few weeks to the end of 2016, I barely wrote anything. So I put it in my resolution to write weekly. Does it have to be a post worthy for my blog? No! It could be a poem on love or terror, or an “opinion” piece based on an article read somewhere, I’d write something. I resolved to write something that’s good enough for an audience: be it a 2 stanza poem for my girlfriend or five- sentence write up on photography, it wouldn’t matter, because I’d be writing. Again, it is easier to stay in rhythm, and the habit would stick.

Then I tried the habit of meditating. On a normal day, it takes forever for me to sleep. But when trying to meditate, it usually ends with a call waking me up. I started thinking that there had to be a way out. Then in came Headspace to the rescue. Headspace has to do with trying to meditate for about 10 minutes a day, taking a break from whatever you are majorly focused on. Trust me, those ten minutes of meditation matter.  Soon, it would be a habit.

So take it for what it’s worth. But if you’ve been frustrated with resolutions in the past, consider applying the Unscientific 5-Step Formula:

1. Dial it back

Don’t be too ambitious. For example: do you really want to run a marathon? I mean, you’ve seen people at the end of marathons, right? They look pretty tired. So take a chill pill.

Seriously though, we have a culture of intense expectations, and many of us are too hard on ourselves. It’s okay to dial back your goal and make it more doable. Resolving to read 500 books is admirable… but resolving to make (or maintain) a daily reading habit is also great.

2. Make it very specific

An “Exercise more” resolution is a prime example of vagueness. “Run every day” is better, “Run around the park in the morning” is better still. Best of all would be something like “Exercise every day, ideally running in the morning, but other forms of exercise and other times of day are also cool.” You get the idea.

3. Add the magic words “for at least ten minutes every day”

If you decide ten minutes a day is enough to count, you’ll find it way easier to do it every day. And if you do it every day, it’s way easier to keep the habit.

4. Do it every day for a month

Don’t think about all 365 days at once. If you make it through January (or any 30 consecutive days), there’s a pretty good chance the habit will stick for the year.

 

5. Be nice to yourself if you miss a day or two

Just start again. Aaliyah’s “Try again” comes to mind. In fact, if you miss a day or two but get right back on it, you don’t even have to count it as breaking your 30-day streak. I hereby grant you permission!

Who knows, your small habit might set the foundation for bigger things. But don’t worry about it in January. Be kind to yourself as you maintain the rhythm, and let the good things happen. They will.

Now go write yourself a nice doable resolution. Good luck, fellow slacker—you got this!

Aboard the Air Force One


I natter around alot. In conversations, on the internet and in my mind. So I wondered what it is like to fly aboard the Air Force One ( the official carrier of the President of The United States of America). Guess what? Some people who had worked with him, who were not staff of the Presidency or cabin crew did have some things to say. Intriguing, I must say.

Air Force One Mini Series:  On Board Air Force One
NGCUS  - Ep Code: 4206

Here’s an excerpt from my reading:

Peter Marquez, Space policy geek.

It’s awesome. I only got to fly on her once. I really wish some other former White House staff would answer some of these questions- I know A LOT of other people flew on AF1 and have much better information than I have.

The staff is amazing and after flying on AF1 you will NEVER want to fly commercial again. The experience starts before you even get on the plane.  You are transported from the White House to Andrews and you get to drive right up to the airplane and leave the vehicle and walk up into the plane.  (Only the president and his close staff get the Marine 1 transport to Andrews)

It’s very comfortable- huge seats, desks and tables for working. A full conference room with flat screens and video teleconferencing capability. There’s a computer room with Internet access.

One of the greatest things about AF1 has nothing to do with the aircraft itself– it’s the people that make AF1 run.  All of the AF1 staff appear to really enjoy their jobs and they take great pride in their work.  It definitely appeared that none of them took this great opportunity for granted.  They are also well versed in the history of AF1 and can tell you stories about all the previous AF1s.

The trip I was on was very short.  We were flying from DC to Kennedy Space Center for a speech President Obama was giving.   During the flight I had been helping to work and rework a speech the President was about to give. He kept coming out of his cabin with more edits and changes.  After another round of edits from the boss an attendant looked at me and asked if I needed anything. I jokingly said, “Yes, a nice strong drink. Preferably a single malt” (it was about 9 or 10AM). Without pausing the attendant asks, “what brand and what year?” I had to tell him I was joking.

In addition to my colleagues and a few members of Congress we also had Buzz Aldrin on the flight.  Dr. Aldrin was seated next to me at our table and he starts to get a bit fidgety, he looks around, and he says, “You wanna go take a look around?”

So I stop working for a minute and Dr. Aldrin and I start checking out AF1.  We make it over to the stairs that lead to the upper deck and cockpit and one of the staff members asks if we want to head upstairs and check out the cockpit.  Dr. Aldrin got a big smile on his face and looked at me- we were both smiling like little kids.  Did we want to see the cockpit of AF1? Seriously? You have to ask?

So Dr. Aldrin and I make it up to the flight deck and all of the Air Force officers are in awe of this moon walker and here’s Buzz Aldrin happy as a little kid because he’s hanging out in the cockpit of AF1.  Dr. Aldrin goes into the cockpit and I stand outside of it with my head sticking through the doorway.  So here I am- essentially a nobody and I’m hanging out in the cockpit of AF1, with the pilots, while AF1 is in flight, and I’m with Buzz Aldrin.  Somewhere back in time the 10 year old version of me was saying, “You have got to be kidding me…”

It was way too short of a flight. But just a couple of more interesting bits.

First, as we started to descend I instinctively went back to my seat and buckled up.  But I noticed a lot of the other “frequent flyers” were still up and walking around.  So I asked one of them, “When are we supposed to sit down?”  They just kind of laughed at my “noob question” and said something to the effect of– “You don’t really have to sit down at all just watch how the pilot lands this thing.”  So people were still up and walking around as the plane landed. For someone who had only flown commercial it was a fascinating to me for some reason.  Sure enough- the pilot put her down like a feather and came to a gentle stop. Second, we landed on the space shuttle runway.

Another thing that blew my mind.  Of course we were going to an event at Kennedy Space Center so the closest runway is the space shuttle runway- but landing in AF1 on the space shuttle runway was more mind blowing then not having to sit down during landing.

Finally, you get a bill for the food you eat on AF1 (this may be the only thing AF1 has in common with United).  Since you are eating a meal on AF1 you are doing so at taxpayer expense.  This means you have to reimburse the government for whatever you ate.  That’s completely fair and the right thing to do but it’s something you wouldn’t immediately consider when flying on AF1.  So about a week after my AF1 flight I got a bill sent to me for the lunch I ate on AF1.  That bill made for a great souvenir.

One more thing- if you make a phone call from AF1 it’s routed through a couple of operators who sit up on the flight deck.  They make the outgoing call for you and then they connect you to the person once they make the call.  The cool part is that when they call person for you they say something to the effect of (my memory is a bit fuzzy here), “This is Air Force One, we have a call from <whatever your name is> can you hold while I connect you?” I think just receiving a call from AF1 would be amazing.

 

Jim Long , veteran, Washington, DC based, network news cameraman.

I occasionally fly on Air Force One as part of my job covering the White House as a network news cameraman for NBC.  The best part of traveling on Air Force One is walking on and walking off the plane.  That’s where the adventure is.  You’ve landed and you have to run to your motorcade vehicle – for us it’s “Camera 1” – or you’re boarding the plane, about to embark on a global journey, sometimes a very secret one.

 

I’ve had some memorable flights on the plane.  I’ve done interviews with Presidents on the plane, one while in-flight, with Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams. On a trip to Rome for the funeral of Pope John Paul II, we had 41, 42, and 43 on board. I was on the aircraft when Katrina hit New Orleans.  I remember them calling AP photographer Susan Walsh up to the front cabin to take the picture of Bush peering down at the disaster below. The staff is wonderful.  The even treat the press well! We are relegated to the aft of the aircraft and occasionally the President will come back to speak with the us.  The flying part is just flying, but on AF1 you’re always part of history in the making.  That’s pretty cool.

katrina

 

Joe Lockhart, Former White House Press Secretary

Without a doubt, the best plane in the world to fly on.  First and most importantly, you feel absolutely safe.  No matter how bad the weather conditions or turbulence you always have the feeling that, because the President of the United States in onboard, nothing bad can happen.  It’s the best pilots, the best maintained and crewed airplane in the world.  And, there are no delays or lost luggage. It’s also quite comfortable. A commercial 747 normally seats several hundred people.  The normal Air Force One flight generally has about 50-60 people on board.  While it’s not outfitted like some billionaires private jet, there is plenty of room and plenty of room to work — which is what most people are doing most of the time on the plane. There are a variety of other perks, great movies(although i don’t recommend Air Force One while on Air Force One), getting to watch yourself land on live TV and lots of things with the Air Force One branding that magically disappear each flight. But without a doubt, the best part is who you are traveling with.  My favorite scene was the senior staff cabin one trip with Presidents Bush and President Ford asleep in their seats and President Carter asleep stretched out on the floor.

Rakesh Agrawal, 4 MM frequent flier miles and counting

It depends on who you are: the President and family, invited dignitaries, White House staff, Secret Service or press. All have different experiences. The big advantages of flying on Air Force One:

  • Hobnobbing with power players. By definition, Air Force One is a plane with the President on it. There are many aircraft that have been used as Air Force One. Currently, there are two VC-25s (essentially heavily modified 747s) that serve as Air Force One. There are usually other top aides and members of the press.
  • Don’t have to deal with the TSA (the Nigerian version is NAHCO), though you do have to deal with the Secret Service.
  • Priority landing.
  • The big downside is that if you’re on the plane, you’re probably working.