Say no more!!


“Say no more”. Definition :
This phrase is a slang you’d to tell someone that it is not necessary to explain something further because you “over understand” what that person is trying to say.  
It’s a phrase I find myself using a lot, especially when talking to my girlfriend (when she’s not interrupting my conversation with the love of my life). 

For instance, check these out:

So how does this line come into play in that context? 

You are casually talking to your spouse and he or she says “babe, I smelt this Gucci Guilty perfume on my colleague at work. It smelled so good” or “Saturday is my diet cheat day. I need to indulge”. On hearing that, your response should be “say no more”. Why? Because you know you’re about to show up some days later or on that cheat day and show out by bringing your spouse that Gucci Guilty perfume, in fact, the gift set that comes with the lotion, shower gel and travel size perfume, or a fat tub of coldstone ice cream with chocolate sprinkles, m&ms hot fudge drizzle and or doughnuts from her preferred store. 
Please get the picture of the tub of ice cream off your mind and come back to earth. The point is : your spouse, lover, best friend, colleague, or that special person is just available to do it all for you, without you having to use all the mouth to say it (as yorubas say: “fi gbogbo enu so”). I mean, this doesn’t always have to be the case, but that person is ever willing to meet your every (or most) need. 

But how about a non-romantic setting? Your boss gives you an excel file that another colleague had put together. Your boss starts to explain how the columns and rows are all messed up, he’s explaining what and what to do, you’ve worked with him long enough to know what he/she needs from you. He’s telling you that the presentation is at 3pm, you know that means it has to be ready an hour before. Your answer? “Say no more, boss!” Why? You’re about to deliver by 1:30pm with the correct format! 
Or your mom goes out all day to the market, she returns exhausted but with tons of food? She’s about to start explaining how she needs everything put away in the pantry and the meat washed, etc. your answer? “Say no more, mummy!” Why? You’re about to put everything away in cabinets, deep freezer and refrigerator AND wash the meat and boil it, THEN have “Mariam” the house help go blend the pepper! 
I have a friend whose girlfriend dares not mention a want or need…it’s sorted, if not fully, to a large extent…he makes it priority. And I count myself lucky enough to have someone who would give me anything I subtly or loudly talk about.  

When you find such a person, marry him or her!
Ps: This is not a gender specific behavior, and it’s bliss when it’s mutual. In short, if it’s not mutual, erm, OYO is your case.

Also, be that stand up guy or lady whose answer is always “Say no more” to the requests you daily come across!

Read a similar post here

Back to the basics- part 3


Remember the “back to the basics series”? if you missed, please click here to read Part 1 and here for Part 2.

Here is part 3.

Do you ever feel like you’ve strayed so much and you no longer recognise who you are?

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost your sense of self, your identity?

Like the fundamental things that make up who you are have either being eroded with totally strange and unnecessary things or have been buried so deep you can no longer reach them?

I feel like that sometimes, like I have become someone else and gotten so used to being this new person. From time to time I remember who I was and I miss the fire that person had but then I quickly shove the thoughts aside and tell myself that as people grow, they find new passions and a new sense of self. Somewhere and somehow, i know I lie to myself and I just tell myself that to feel better.

Where do we draw the line between losing who you are and finding new passions?

Do we find a balance between both? Is it okay to be someone new?

Sometimes I miss the old me whom was a moralist even whilst being liberal. I knew where to draw the line between being liberal and doing the wrong thing. Now I explain almost everything from different perspectives and even when my heart tells me XYZ is wrong I question it. I say is it really wrong? Or I’m being narrow-minded? Have I factored all plausible angles? If seen from X perspective would it still be wrong or maybe not just as right as society would have it? Am I calling it wrong because my background, beliefs and experiences have shaped my thought process into believing it is wrong?

How do you go back to your fundamental make up? How do you find your essence even with all the new things that have become a part of you? Do you unlearn the things you’ve learnt? Do you “un-inculcate” behaviours that reflect or are expressed in your everyday living? Is this where religion comes in and you ask the Higher being for help?

 

These and many more I do not have answers to.
Written by Ayobare

Relationships and Social media


When people talk about relationships and Social Media, the most seemingly reasonable things we’ll hear them say are things like: “Keep your relationship away from Social Media”, “Healthy relationships do not seek attention”, etc. These things are actually somewhat true, so this isn’t a rant to debunk the smartness behind this thought pattern. It is a rant to draw us in a little bit closer to a pretty touchy topic.

The other day, and when I say other day, I mean, about a year or two ago, I noticed two people who are old school mates being cozy and a little overly friendly on Instagram. Few months later, I noticed that on Twitter, one of them would go on rants about “walking away from negativity” and the likes. On the other hand, the other party was posting “turn up” pictures, emojis and the likes everywhere. Later, the coziness disappeared! Can someone say I witnessed the beginning and end of their relationship? Most likely…I could be wrong, so I stand corrected.

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There are a few reasons (that I’d agree to for keeping relationships off social media):

  1. It’s easy to generate a false sense of identification in a relationship. If posting your relationship is the main way you identify yourself as a “partner” in a relationship then you’re in the wrong! When being together is so “basic” and boring that posting evidence(s) of your relationship on social media and generating attention from there makes you identify yourself as “a partner”, well bros/sistuh, go for a reevaluation!
  2. Too much Virtual PDA would make people dislike you as a person and as a couple! That is as plain as I can tell it. You can think “Who cares what people think?!” my answer is: “isn’t that one of the reasons you’re posting and won’t let us rest?” I know I sound like a hater but it’s the truth. According to a study done by Researchers, my point is correct!
  3. Nobody can say they know anything per se about your relationship. Your aunty won’t keep asking “when is he proposing?” under all you guys’ pictures, and his or her ex won’t be able to stalk you or find clues to sabotage your relationship. My mom says “What is covered is protected”!
  4. Your time spent with each other might be more genuine, deeper, and maybe more meaningful. Think about it, how much more genuine are you when you don’t have an audience? Probably a lot more…Your followers on social media are your audience members!

Although the following reasons to NOT post your relationship on social media are valid, it’s okay for your social media presence to NOT be completely void of your “romantic relationship status”. I personally, have never been a fan of exposing my personal life aka “relationship life” on social media but lately, I’m okay with being a little bit more open with it, I honestly don’t know why. There are a few reasons and methods that seem sane to me; I’d throw them out there:

  1. Excitement. When you’re with the right person, and you’re happy and it’s mutual, you want to share with your social media “family”. Key word is “share”, not “overshare”. Too much of anything is definitely not good.
  2. It might help you learn a bit more about your partner. You would think spending time with someone fosters that, not social media right? That’s not so accurate in our generation. See, we are full on in the digital age so we might as well accept it as a way and part of our lives-social media included. We always hear about people stepping out on their partners via social media, and this is true. Is your partner always posting suggestive pictures to get attention? Are they busy flirting on social media? These are actual valid issues that could come up in your relationship. Therefore, your relationship having somewhat of a social media presence can be helpful.
  3. This one is tricky, petty but valid- Marking your territory! Let’s keep it real; Men and ladies don’t stop setting major thirst traps on social media. Your relationship might not completely stop people from sliding into your/partner’s DM, thirsting in the comment section, but it’ll curb it to some extent. Also, it’ll also help foster the second example above.

I’d stop here. Regardless of any of the things named above, do what you’re comfortable with, enjoy your relationship and pay attention to your partner and get married! If you need motivation to marry, read this.

Originally posted here by Funke Akanmu

The Slacker’s approach to new year resolutions


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I’m sure you were about to close this on seeing that it’s about New Year Resolutions. It eithers fails us, or we fail it. So we might as well ignore its existence right?! Wrong!

I’ve tried a few in the past, and boy was I terrible at it! I’d tell myself I would complete the Bible in a year. That would mean reading about 3 chapters a day. I’d be doing great if I lasted till January 8. I find a familiar Bible story, and then I start to slack. In March, I would have to clean dust off my Bible when my mom or someone asks for it, yes it’s that ridiculous!

I read it somewhere that “What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.” That roused some deep thinking. Therefore, the next January, when I had my mind set to “Read the Bible every day”, I knew I had to change my mindset. I couldn’t be too hard on myself — I would read Christian and inspiring books, many with Bible quotes. And on other days, I would read the Bible. In other words, I had to be a bit of a slacker.

It worked!

Building a small daily habit was easier than a big inconsistent habit. Although it was not easy, as I fell off the wagon several times, but each time, I managed to get back on. Since the goal was doable, if I missed a day or two, I didn’t have to break the ice when I resumed. It worked, and the habit stuck! Please don’t ask me if I finished reading the Bible, Thank you.

As you all might know, I write a lot. However, a few weeks to the end of 2016, I barely wrote anything. So I put it in my resolution to write weekly. Does it have to be a post worthy for my blog? No! It could be a poem on love or terror, or an “opinion” piece based on an article read somewhere, I’d write something. I resolved to write something that’s good enough for an audience: be it a 2 stanza poem for my girlfriend or five- sentence write up on photography, it wouldn’t matter, because I’d be writing. Again, it is easier to stay in rhythm, and the habit would stick.

Then I tried the habit of meditating. On a normal day, it takes forever for me to sleep. But when trying to meditate, it usually ends with a call waking me up. I started thinking that there had to be a way out. Then in came Headspace to the rescue. Headspace has to do with trying to meditate for about 10 minutes a day, taking a break from whatever you are majorly focused on. Trust me, those ten minutes of meditation matter.  Soon, it would be a habit.

So take it for what it’s worth. But if you’ve been frustrated with resolutions in the past, consider applying the Unscientific 5-Step Formula:

1. Dial it back

Don’t be too ambitious. For example: do you really want to run a marathon? I mean, you’ve seen people at the end of marathons, right? They look pretty tired. So take a chill pill.

Seriously though, we have a culture of intense expectations, and many of us are too hard on ourselves. It’s okay to dial back your goal and make it more doable. Resolving to read 500 books is admirable… but resolving to make (or maintain) a daily reading habit is also great.

2. Make it very specific

An “Exercise more” resolution is a prime example of vagueness. “Run every day” is better, “Run around the park in the morning” is better still. Best of all would be something like “Exercise every day, ideally running in the morning, but other forms of exercise and other times of day are also cool.” You get the idea.

3. Add the magic words “for at least ten minutes every day”

If you decide ten minutes a day is enough to count, you’ll find it way easier to do it every day. And if you do it every day, it’s way easier to keep the habit.

4. Do it every day for a month

Don’t think about all 365 days at once. If you make it through January (or any 30 consecutive days), there’s a pretty good chance the habit will stick for the year.

 

5. Be nice to yourself if you miss a day or two

Just start again. Aaliyah’s “Try again” comes to mind. In fact, if you miss a day or two but get right back on it, you don’t even have to count it as breaking your 30-day streak. I hereby grant you permission!

Who knows, your small habit might set the foundation for bigger things. But don’t worry about it in January. Be kind to yourself as you maintain the rhythm, and let the good things happen. They will.

Now go write yourself a nice doable resolution. Good luck, fellow slacker—you got this!

Aboard the Air Force One


I natter around alot. In conversations, on the internet and in my mind. So I wondered what it is like to fly aboard the Air Force One ( the official carrier of the President of The United States of America). Guess what? Some people who had worked with him, who were not staff of the Presidency or cabin crew did have some things to say. Intriguing, I must say.

Air Force One Mini Series:  On Board Air Force One
NGCUS  - Ep Code: 4206

Here’s an excerpt from my reading:

Peter Marquez, Space policy geek.

It’s awesome. I only got to fly on her once. I really wish some other former White House staff would answer some of these questions- I know A LOT of other people flew on AF1 and have much better information than I have.

The staff is amazing and after flying on AF1 you will NEVER want to fly commercial again. The experience starts before you even get on the plane.  You are transported from the White House to Andrews and you get to drive right up to the airplane and leave the vehicle and walk up into the plane.  (Only the president and his close staff get the Marine 1 transport to Andrews)

It’s very comfortable- huge seats, desks and tables for working. A full conference room with flat screens and video teleconferencing capability. There’s a computer room with Internet access.

One of the greatest things about AF1 has nothing to do with the aircraft itself– it’s the people that make AF1 run.  All of the AF1 staff appear to really enjoy their jobs and they take great pride in their work.  It definitely appeared that none of them took this great opportunity for granted.  They are also well versed in the history of AF1 and can tell you stories about all the previous AF1s.

The trip I was on was very short.  We were flying from DC to Kennedy Space Center for a speech President Obama was giving.   During the flight I had been helping to work and rework a speech the President was about to give. He kept coming out of his cabin with more edits and changes.  After another round of edits from the boss an attendant looked at me and asked if I needed anything. I jokingly said, “Yes, a nice strong drink. Preferably a single malt” (it was about 9 or 10AM). Without pausing the attendant asks, “what brand and what year?” I had to tell him I was joking.

In addition to my colleagues and a few members of Congress we also had Buzz Aldrin on the flight.  Dr. Aldrin was seated next to me at our table and he starts to get a bit fidgety, he looks around, and he says, “You wanna go take a look around?”

So I stop working for a minute and Dr. Aldrin and I start checking out AF1.  We make it over to the stairs that lead to the upper deck and cockpit and one of the staff members asks if we want to head upstairs and check out the cockpit.  Dr. Aldrin got a big smile on his face and looked at me- we were both smiling like little kids.  Did we want to see the cockpit of AF1? Seriously? You have to ask?

So Dr. Aldrin and I make it up to the flight deck and all of the Air Force officers are in awe of this moon walker and here’s Buzz Aldrin happy as a little kid because he’s hanging out in the cockpit of AF1.  Dr. Aldrin goes into the cockpit and I stand outside of it with my head sticking through the doorway.  So here I am- essentially a nobody and I’m hanging out in the cockpit of AF1, with the pilots, while AF1 is in flight, and I’m with Buzz Aldrin.  Somewhere back in time the 10 year old version of me was saying, “You have got to be kidding me…”

It was way too short of a flight. But just a couple of more interesting bits.

First, as we started to descend I instinctively went back to my seat and buckled up.  But I noticed a lot of the other “frequent flyers” were still up and walking around.  So I asked one of them, “When are we supposed to sit down?”  They just kind of laughed at my “noob question” and said something to the effect of– “You don’t really have to sit down at all just watch how the pilot lands this thing.”  So people were still up and walking around as the plane landed. For someone who had only flown commercial it was a fascinating to me for some reason.  Sure enough- the pilot put her down like a feather and came to a gentle stop. Second, we landed on the space shuttle runway.

Another thing that blew my mind.  Of course we were going to an event at Kennedy Space Center so the closest runway is the space shuttle runway- but landing in AF1 on the space shuttle runway was more mind blowing then not having to sit down during landing.

Finally, you get a bill for the food you eat on AF1 (this may be the only thing AF1 has in common with United).  Since you are eating a meal on AF1 you are doing so at taxpayer expense.  This means you have to reimburse the government for whatever you ate.  That’s completely fair and the right thing to do but it’s something you wouldn’t immediately consider when flying on AF1.  So about a week after my AF1 flight I got a bill sent to me for the lunch I ate on AF1.  That bill made for a great souvenir.

One more thing- if you make a phone call from AF1 it’s routed through a couple of operators who sit up on the flight deck.  They make the outgoing call for you and then they connect you to the person once they make the call.  The cool part is that when they call person for you they say something to the effect of (my memory is a bit fuzzy here), “This is Air Force One, we have a call from <whatever your name is> can you hold while I connect you?” I think just receiving a call from AF1 would be amazing.

 

Jim Long , veteran, Washington, DC based, network news cameraman.

I occasionally fly on Air Force One as part of my job covering the White House as a network news cameraman for NBC.  The best part of traveling on Air Force One is walking on and walking off the plane.  That’s where the adventure is.  You’ve landed and you have to run to your motorcade vehicle – for us it’s “Camera 1” – or you’re boarding the plane, about to embark on a global journey, sometimes a very secret one.

 

I’ve had some memorable flights on the plane.  I’ve done interviews with Presidents on the plane, one while in-flight, with Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams. On a trip to Rome for the funeral of Pope John Paul II, we had 41, 42, and 43 on board. I was on the aircraft when Katrina hit New Orleans.  I remember them calling AP photographer Susan Walsh up to the front cabin to take the picture of Bush peering down at the disaster below. The staff is wonderful.  The even treat the press well! We are relegated to the aft of the aircraft and occasionally the President will come back to speak with the us.  The flying part is just flying, but on AF1 you’re always part of history in the making.  That’s pretty cool.

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Joe Lockhart, Former White House Press Secretary

Without a doubt, the best plane in the world to fly on.  First and most importantly, you feel absolutely safe.  No matter how bad the weather conditions or turbulence you always have the feeling that, because the President of the United States in onboard, nothing bad can happen.  It’s the best pilots, the best maintained and crewed airplane in the world.  And, there are no delays or lost luggage. It’s also quite comfortable. A commercial 747 normally seats several hundred people.  The normal Air Force One flight generally has about 50-60 people on board.  While it’s not outfitted like some billionaires private jet, there is plenty of room and plenty of room to work — which is what most people are doing most of the time on the plane. There are a variety of other perks, great movies(although i don’t recommend Air Force One while on Air Force One), getting to watch yourself land on live TV and lots of things with the Air Force One branding that magically disappear each flight. But without a doubt, the best part is who you are traveling with.  My favorite scene was the senior staff cabin one trip with Presidents Bush and President Ford asleep in their seats and President Carter asleep stretched out on the floor.

Rakesh Agrawal, 4 MM frequent flier miles and counting

It depends on who you are: the President and family, invited dignitaries, White House staff, Secret Service or press. All have different experiences. The big advantages of flying on Air Force One:

  • Hobnobbing with power players. By definition, Air Force One is a plane with the President on it. There are many aircraft that have been used as Air Force One. Currently, there are two VC-25s (essentially heavily modified 747s) that serve as Air Force One. There are usually other top aides and members of the press.
  • Don’t have to deal with the TSA (the Nigerian version is NAHCO), though you do have to deal with the Secret Service.
  • Priority landing.
  • The big downside is that if you’re on the plane, you’re probably working.

You are what you eat……


If you want to be a monkey, eat bananas and insects

If you want to be a giraffe, eat shrubs, leaves and barks

If you want to be a buffalo, eat the movie posters

If you want to be a lion eat the monkey, giraffe, and buffalo

eat

His little niece Aishu looking at his uncle doing the gymnastics… asked… Mama… If you want to be a human what should you eat? For a change, Sadayappan wasn’t puzzled on getting this googly from his 6 year old niece. He said “Aishu! Humans eat Chicken 65, deep fried aloo tikka, and double cheese burgers”.

If you eat a chicken, you’ll be a chicken… if you eat an animal, you’ll behave like an animal… if you eat a fried potato, you are sure to put on more weight. You are what you eat!!! Some people are overweight due to heredity reasons and some have animal instincts by birth. I’m not going to address them. I’m going to talk to the remaining folks who chose to be overweight and who chose not to have control on what they eat.

When God originally created man, man was lean and fit. God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach; with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so man would live long and healthy. But, look at what man did using God’s gifts; God gave man healthy vegetables, nuts and olive oil to cook them. Man created deep-fried chicken 65, butter-dipped chicken popcorn. Boom… man’s cholesterol went through the roof and started chocking his valves. God gave potato, which is naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Man peeled off the healthy potato skin … sliced the starchy centre … added lots of salt and deep-fried them in animal fats to create French fries.  Boom… man became like a potato – fat and obese.

Think about how our life style and eating habits have changed in the last several decades. Rice, dhal and roti … GONE … Burgers with chicken patty ON.  Dosas are GONE… Pizzas are ON. Ice more and fruit juices GONE… Ice Creams and SODA… ON.

Our food habits not only made us unhealthy, but also forced us to be cruel to animals. My friend dragged me to McDonalds last week. After having our dinner, he was reading a newspaper. He saw the headline “Tiger enters a village and eats a farmer”.  He told me – “I feel bad for the farmer. How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim?” I looked him up and down and said “Explain your feelings to the chicken you had in the burger just now”. What is the difference between the tiger that ate the farmer and the man who kills animals to satisfy his appetite?

Do you know – it takes 3 times more land, energy and water to feed a non-vegetarian when compared to feeding a vegetarian. Nearly 30% of Indians are without proper food and nutrition. Toastmasters are nice and kind people. Do you want to be cruel to the people who starve to death – because you are practicing a non-vegetarian diet?

At the end, a healthy body creates a sound mind. Eating healthy vegetarian food definitely helps you to live longer. Look at me now… I’m vegetarian for the last 10+ years and I’m healthy active and very energetic. Look at Ramesh Daswani who just looks like a college grad even at this age because of his healthy vegetarian diet.

I was doing my regular morning walk one day. I saw an old man rocking in his chair on the portico of his house. I couldn’t resist looking at the old man… he was short… but fat… his skin had wrinkles, hair was grey. The old man was happily reading a newspaper with his thick glasses. I went to the old man and said “Sir! I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never eat vegetables. Oh… I never exercise.” “Wow! You managed to live this long. So, how old are you?” I asked. The man got off his chair … folded the newspaper and said… “I’m just twenty-six; I look very old because of what I eat”.

I know you don’t want to be like that young man who looked like very old because of his unhealthy diet. I request all of you to eat a healthy vegetarian diet… because YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

 

Adapted from a toastmasters speech.

7 countries in 7 days


“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover’’

– H. Jackson Brown Jr.

 

I never for once considered myself as a well-travelled individual. I’ve been to a few cities albeit common and not so exciting; London, Paris, New York, Dubai, Dublin and the list goes on. I developed a soft spot for all afore mentioned cities, but if you told me you were going to any of these for vacation I would literally squint at you till you get the message (Yo, im not saying I won’t go if offered o).

 

Summer 2015 I decided to do something different, I got an idea to visit more than 7 countries in the space of 7 nights. Crazy Crazy Crazy!! What was I thinking, how could I afford such? How much do I even have as savings? Before I go on, my uncle always said a knowledgeable man is a powerful man, if you don’t ask questions you will never know.

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So here we go, I got an idea to go on a boat cruise with friends touring the eastern Caribbean countries. My itinerary looked something like this:

Lagos – Houston – Fort Lauderdale-Bahamas- St.Thomas -St.Marteen – Eleuthera – Barbados – Jamaica – Fort Lauderdale – Houston – Maryland – Lagos.

 

  1. Lagos – Houston: I was all too familiar with this route, standard 12 hour flight to George W Bush Airport Houston. At the time, United Airline was the only carrier that offered this direct flight to Houston, pretty long flight but relatively stress free.
  2. Houston – Fort Lauderdale: The fun actually began here, 2 hour airport wait went by so fast. Flew united to Florida, upon landing the pilot couldn’t ‘’taxi’’ because there was a thunderstorm and appaz it’s a health & safety hazard because someone got hit by lightening the previous week. Well, this was no problem till I realized I had just 45 mins left to catch the ship.
  3. Fort Lauderdale: America is really beautiful. It trips me knowing that all states are almost as equal in development, unlike most African countries where civilization and development is centered in the capital. We need CHANGE!

Major key 1: To embark on the cruise, all you need is an American Visa, that covers all countries visited.

Take a deep breathe now, and gush at the ‘canoe’ I used in visiting 7 countries:

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  1. Port le Fort Lauderdale: The first thing that catches you is the size of the ship. The Oasis beats the Titanic in every dimension. The titanic was around 46,000gt, carrying about 3547 passengers and crew (credits to google) while the oasis measures 225,000gt (5 times bigger than Titanic!!) and can carry a maximum of 8,471 passengers on 17 deck. Yes 17 story building on water.

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Major key 2 : Tickets for the cruise are booked months in advance for best rates and do NOT FORGET YOUR PASSPORT AT HOME.

Check in: the check-in process is very straightforward, there are literally no queues and once you board the ship, it’s literally an entirely different world. You are given a smart card that serves as your ATM card on the ship, access card to your room and has all other personal details. Minority report kinda stuff.Forgot to mention.

IMG-20160816-WA027IMG-20160816-WA026Fort Lauderdale – Bahamas: Nassau was the first stop, it took us about 10-15 hours from the port and you wake up to scenes of the sun rising over the great city of Atlantis.

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Nassau, Bahamas: I’ve heard so many great things of this city, unfortunately as a tourist entering via the port. You aren’t allowed to go beyond the tourist areas, sort of like a high street where tourists are entertained. There are no physical restrictions against going beyond this high street, but you are sternly advised not to, to prevent harassment from the locals.Nassau has semblances to Lagos Airport, upon arrival at the port you are greeted with a host of locals who are trying to hustle you to patronize them. Tourism is their major source of revenue. And weed of course.

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I have a long list of countries I would want to visit next. I’ve learnt not to bother spending a lot for cliché trips……….

if you want to see more of travel related posts, click here.

Global Warning


This is a speech I gave at the toastmasters club meeting.

There is no heaven here on earth, but there are pieces of it.

 

If there is a married couple here, there is a probability they came in separate vehicles, right? Probably because the husband is to give a speech and thus came earlier, and the wife had to drop the kids with grandma, and so she had to come later or the other way around. But the point is that they came separately, and in separate vehicles. Chances are high that they rode in air conditioned vehicles, coming from an air conditioned house which they slept in after leaving an air conditioned office, all of which are serviced with generators- considering how PHCN operates here in Nigeria.

 

We have all heard about the ozone layer. What exactly is it? It is a layer of ozone gas, which is about 30km from earth. This layer prevents ultra violet rays from reaching the earth surface; it is highly reactive. Industries and vehicles emit chlorofluorocarbons which react rapidly with this ozone gas, thus depleting the ozone layer. Ozone depletion, who is a son of global warming, is a major cause of skin cancer, if you doubt me, Google is your friend.

globaaa

Global warming is the term used to describe a gradual increase in the average temperature of the Earth’s atmosphere and its oceans, basically more heat! This change is believed to be permanently changing the Earth’s climate. In Nigeria, I would give you two evidences that global warming is real.

  1. Observe the rain pattern. It is not as regular as it used to be. This year was a little better, but the last few years have seen changes, as we had very little rainfall round the year. Remember the phrase “August break’ that tells that rain stops in august. We already had august break since late June, and it’s still on. We don’t have 7 days rain that leave many stuck at home.
  2. Harmattan isn’t what I knew it to be as a child. Back in the day, Vaseline was our best friend, dry white skin, busted lips and cracked skin: a must have was baby oil and hot water showers. Presently, the most we experience is some form of dryness in the atmosphere, and mild early morning fog.

 

In the colder regions, this heat or warming melts glaciers and icebergs, and causes a rise in sea level, which would make seas and rivers overflow their banks, ultimately leading to flood at the slightest rainfall. Temperatures are rising, and that is evident in the whole world.

 

A good way to look at this, is the way trees work with the environment.

When a tree breathes, it takes in carbon dioxide, which is a major gas that we and our machines and vehicles emit. However, what do we take in? We take in oxygen, and that is what trees breathe out. Trees recycle the carbon dioxide we exhale, and give us the oxygen we inhale. It’s like a trade-by-barter, where we give trees our carbon dioxide and they give us their oxygen. So no trees, no oxygen, no oxygen, no human life!

 

The fundamental reason why trees are planted in houses, and flower vases are kept in the living room, and why fresh flowers are sent to a sick person is to help keep that area well oxygenated. It is not just for aesthetics or romance, in the case of flowers.

 

Do you ever wonder why the sun in less industrial areas isn’t as scorching as the one in the highly industrialized areas? This is because the trees are intact there, and they ameliorate the climate, and make the environment cooler.

Has anyone here been to a canopy walk? Or heard of one? It is basically a sophisticated foot bridge built to pass through a forest, and then takes you as high as the top, where you get to see a forest in its natural state. You see the birds and monkeys and vast vegetation in an undisturbed state, leaving you in an awe of graciousness. I’ve been to one, and I implore you to visit one also. There is in Ghana, and also very close to us here, opposite Chevron. After this experience, you might just appreciate why the ecosystem needs to be conserved and left alone.

 

What happens next? When we constantly emit aerosols from plants and air conditioners and the three generators in our houses, we help big daddy called global warming to get fatter. We cut trees for our furniture and paper making, and do nothing to replace them, thus increasing the temperature of the earth. We pour in carbon dioxide faster than the rate at which the trees can absorb it, considering the fact that we have fewer trees left. Polar bears are adorable to look at, but they are going into extinction as the ice in the region they stay is melting.

polar bear

 

Is there a way forward? Yes! It individually starts with us. A major step is to spread the news about climate change, and discourage deforestation. Then we take it a step further by turning off air conditioners that are not being used, and sometimes, when the road is free, roll down your car windows. In our estates and offices, organize CSR programs themed to conserve the environment, such as operation plant a tree. Plan your trips, and take only a vehicle out. Peradventure someone here works with the government, we need to form a means of reducing the gas emitted by industries, with fines associated for breaking the law.

 

I leave you with these word: nature doesn’t need us. We need nature. What’s the use of a fine house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?

 

30 before 30.


The 30 before 30 challenge has different themes. it could be 30 countries before age 30, or 30 major feats before age 30.

Here is a list of things you could do before age 30.

thity

 

  1. Travel somewhere you don’t know the language. Adventure, spice, and forced learning is never too much.
  2. Date someone who isn’t your “type.” You will learn and grow from being around people who are different from you. Maybe the relationship won’t work out in the end or maybe you’ll meet your future spouse. At any rate, you’ll either have a great time or a terrible time, but you will learn from the experience.
  3. Start your retirement plan. It sounds very farfetched, but the earlier you start, the better for you. 20k a month would go a long way in 15 years.
  4. Take a risk. some of us have explored some of these. For the timid, sit at home type, try some. This could include bungee jumping, sky diving, feeding a tamed tiger or ride on an ostrich’s back.
  5. Buy a piece of land. Our parents have always said they wished they bought the land in Lekki or Magodo 20 years ago. Try some place very affordable, it might just be the next big place i8n the nearest future.
  6. Live in a typical village. take a trip to Umuahia or a very remote place in Osun state. Spend 2 or 3 nights and enjoy what it is like in a real village. Fetch water from the river, eat from a stove, and visit the community ruler.
  7. Start a collection. Something fun, quirky and totally you. Be passionate about it but don’t be a hoarder. A collection of different currencies, flags, mugs with inscriptions or sea shells.
  8. Take a cross-country road trip. I know the fear of book haram and robbers is the beginning of wisdom, but hey, people do this trips for business. So why not start from Akure, and get to down south Calabar in 3 days, making stops to explore different towns.
  9. Organise a charity/ CSR event. You do not necessarily need to be an ardent supporter of that cause. Just do something free and help the community. Gather old clothes from people, mend and iron them, and give to displaced persons.
  10. Attend a multi-day/weekend festival or carnival. Spending days away from responsibility, relaxing, and socializing is great. Attend Ojude- Oba, Osun festival, Calabar carnival or the tomato festival in Spain.
  11. Set a reading goal. The key to knowledge lies within a book. Start a Chimamanda Adichie or Daniel Steel collection and read. It could also be reading on sickle cell or origin of America.
  12. Start keeping fit. Set a month or some weeks aside, exercise rigorously, and stay judicious to it for that period.
  13. Get a tattoo. I know this is weird but I would advise a temporary one that lasts just a few months. And you can totally replace this with something else if it is against your faith.
  14. Join a club. And I don’t mean the list of resume-fluffing ones you joined in high school and college. I mean ones that you are really interested in and passionate about.  For example, try and join a running/book reading/ environmental cause/ toastmasters club.
  15. Treat yourself to something really expensive. …and pay for it in cash. Whether its a new computer, a Chanel handbag or a weekend away at an upscale resort and spa, you totally deserve it for working hard.
  16. Be the first person to apologize. It’s hard to admit when you are wrong. But it’s usually for the greater good. People will respect you more if you can admit fault and they will be less likely to hold it against you.
  17. Run a marathon. Or a triathlon or a 5k. . And plus, you’ll feel really awesome with your medal.
  18. Pay the school fees of someone who really needs it. it could be your mechanic or hairdresser or the gateman next door.
  19. Learn how to cook. I’m not saying you should aspire to be Martha Stewart; just learn how to make a few fancy dishes for one of those special occasions. They might come in handy sooner than you think.
  20. Learn a new language. Even if you stop at beginner stage, it’s worth it.
  21. Attempt to break a world record. In the Guinness Book of World Records, of course. There are records for everything, so round up your friends and give it your best shot. Even if you don’t quite break a record, it’s still a pretty cool memory to have. DJ obi just had the longest time spinning beats, yours could be the longest kiss.
  22. Attend a world sporting event. Olympics, world cup, European premier league. And ensure you attend either the opening or closing ceremony, or both.
  23. Pick a cause and be passionate about it. Whether it’s cancer research or clean water, donate and make efforts to help others and advance your cause. Don’t just say you’re interested in a cause, go live it and be it — volunteer your time, fundraise or donate. Change doesn’t happen by sitting at home on your couch.
  24. Make your family tree. There is no history more interesting than your own–figure out who your ancestors were and how they impacted the world and your own life. What you find out might surprise you.Take it a step further and record your family’s complete medical history. This will not only come in handy for you, but for future generations are well.
  25. Swim with dolphins and sea lions. Or a Cirque show or Blue Man Group.  Put on your best dress or your tux and live it up.
  26. Work a menial job. A job where you know you won’t advance but also requires tipping. You’ll gain a better appreciation for people you come across in your future who count tips as the largest part of their salary. This can be done for a week or two while on paid vacation.
  27. Become a connoisseur in something. Whether it’s cheese, wine, tea or coffee, your garnered knowledge will always help you make small talk and also enrich your life in ways you haven’t even imagined.
  28. Learn a new subject or course. More recently, I’ve been intrigued by law. Small advice: Don’t try to learn accounting.
  29. Have a collection of selfies with animals. Kiss a camel, snuggle a dog, have a monkey cover your eyes, look eye to eye with a donkey, and have them all in pictures.
  30. And finally, make a list of 40 Things to do Before You Turn 40. If only because it’s fun.

 

Carry me along as you tick these off. I would love to post your success stories on the blog.

Self development


The other day, I was driving from work-my colleague and I. It was a Friday evening, we were tired, hungry and stuck in traffic. All I could think of was making sweet love to my bed and being knocked out to sleep for maybe 12 hours. He, on the other hand, still had plans of going out that evening to the club and had two weddings on Saturday, church on Sunday and back to work on Monday! I had a similar plan, except mine consisted more of sleeping and hanging with some friends.

 

Maybe it was the traffic or fatigue, but I started thinking and I’m still thinking about it. A lot of us are just going with the swing of things, I won’t necessarily say we are living, but we’re just going. If you really think about it, it’s scary! It is pretty much work, sex, relationship, money, partying, booze and the likes…..same ol’ routine.

 personal-development-plan

But it does not have to be so. Everyone can do something more, just a little bit more, and it’ll be extraordinary. Maybe pick up a new skill/habit/ talent. Something that doesn’t necessarily translate to money (money will be a plus, obviously). Something that when we’re at the end of our lives, we can feel fulfilled to an extent. It could be learning how to play an instrument or a new one, Photography, being a movie/book/food/style critic, bible school even with no intent of being a pastor, learning a new language or just going to study a course just for the sake of more knowledge. It does not have to be anything major.

 

Self development most times open new doors. It’s a vital key to fulfillment

 

 

Calm down


” Calm down, what’s the hurry?! ” That was what Uncle Lawrence always barked in response to marriage related questions, till he turned 46 years old and got a wife.

Elder Jinadu would usually say “It’s not a competition, calm down”, before he finally finished his first published book at his 60th birthday- he started writing that book at age 27.

calm

Unfortunately, in the process of taking life easy, a lot of us have allowed our lives to be eroded of the luxury of attaining certain feats at earlier stages of our lives, because we ‘calmed down’. We responded to the façade of procrastination, allowed her tickle us, and we basked in the temporary aura of relaxation.

Sociologists, over the years, say it takes 3 weeks to form a habit. Thus, on that note, if there is something that needs to be done now, and you delay for 3 weeks, chances are high you might never get it done.

 

A little sleep, a little slumber; a little folding of hands, so shall poverty fall mightily on you.

Am I insinuating that you be aggressive all the time and not try to prioritize and take a break at times? Absolutely positively not! In fact, worrying less and taking your time usually helps you strategize and make well informed decisions. However, this should be balanced with being smart and understanding that the world isn’t waiting for you or anyone else.

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time to plant a tree is ‘NOW’.

Yesterday would never come back , and not doing it now means someone else is probably taking your market share or exploiting an idea that you have refused to implement on time. When they start reaping the fruits, you might see life as unfair and they’ll see life as fair. That’s it!

An old proverb says ‘the patient dog eats the fattest bone’. However, I think it’s because the other dogs have eaten the crunchy and chunkiest meat from it, leaving the bone to the patient dog. Besides, dogs love bone, you’re not a dog, you love meat!

 

Like the popular Nike tagline says : “do it now”!

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Love language series- Quality time


Still on the Love Language series. In case you missed the previous topic, click “words of affirmation” to read up.

Before applying the words from this post/series, please note this: The love language principles only work for couples who actually WANT their relationship to work. Relationships do not work out, you work them out

Introducing the love language: Quality time.

By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television while seated next to your partner. In this case, you’re barely spending time with your partner, you’re just around them. You can spend quality time with your partner by watching TV together don’t get me wrong, but keyword here is “TOGETHER”. You could tune down the volume and have goofy or serious conversations about whatever you’re watching TOGETHER. At the same time, if there is the need for it, you could sit together with the TV off, looking at each other, talking, just giving each other your undivided attention. This is my main example because this causes a lot of rifts between couples as I’ve read.

Spending quality time could also mean taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out, just the two of you, or napping, just the two of you, or cooking, just the two of you. Whatever it is, it means just the two of you, being completely in each other’s company, being TOGETHER. For quality time, the act itself is intentional, while the activity you’re both engaged in is incidental. The emotionally important thing is spending time focusing on each other.

 

timeeee

Spending quality time with your partner CAN HAPPEN IN DIFFERENT FORMS. I’d go over the few I’ve read about recently:
QUALITY CONVERSATION
Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of them is quality conversation- a sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. When individuals complain that their spouse does not talk to them, they mean that he or she seldom takes part in sympathetic dialogue. Quality conversation is quite different from the first love language. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what and how we are hearing. Your main focus should be on drawing out and listening sympathetically to what your partner has to say.

Try the following:

1 . Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. That keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that he/she has your full attention.

2 . Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. If you are doing something else that you cannot turn from immediately, tell your spouse the truth. A positive approach might be, “I know you are trying to talk to me and I’m interested, but I want to give you my full attention. I can’t do that right now, but if you will give me ten minutes to finish this, I’ll sit down and listen to you.” Most spouses will respect such a request.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, “It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot __________.”
That gives him the chance to clarify his feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what he is saying.

4 . Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the other is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what he or she is really thinking and feeling.

5 . Refuse to interrupt. Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his or her own ideas. If you give your spouse your undivided attention while they are talking, you will refrain from defending yourself or hurling accusations at your partner. Your goal is to discover their thoughts and feelings, not to defend yourself or to set them straight. It is to understand them.

QUALITY ACTIVITIES

The emphasis here is on being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention.
Quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing but on why and how you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling closer.

Some of these sound corny but they only look/sound corny. For your partner and you, it could lead to a deeper bond.
1. Take a walk together through the old neighborhood where one of you grew up. Ask questions about your spouse’s childhood.

2. Go to your spouse’s office and have lunch or take them out to lunch.

3. Ask your spouse for a list of five activities that he would enjoy doing with you. Make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months. If financing is a problem, space the freebies between the “we can’t afford this” events.

4. Think of an activity your spouse enjoys, but which brings little pleasure to you. Tell your spouse that you are trying to broaden your horizons and would like to join in this activity sometime this month. Set a date and give it your best effort.

5. Plan a weekend getaway just for the two of you sometime within the next six months.

6. Make time every day to share with each other some of the events of the day. When you spend more time watching the news than you do listening to each other, you end up more concerned about CNN than about your spouse.

7. Have a “Let’s review our history” evening once every three months.

These are just a few steps. Listening to your partner will give you an even better insight as to what they like and do not. The main thing is to be willing.

You can take the love language test here.

Next up: The Language of GIFTS

The 5 love languages – Words of Affirmation


Some time back, I read the book ‘the 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. I was sorta kinda having the good old relationship issues- I’m sure you’ve experienced one of those too. Anyway, the girl I was seeing at the time, recommended the book.

The book basically talks about understanding how your spouse views your “Love actions” towards them and how they’ll receive the love you want to shower on them. The revealing part of my experience with this book is that we all have love languages. These love languages are really classified under the Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages”.

A short way to explain the whole idea is that: a person who loves your attention and company more than the huge amount of gifts you buy will not feel loved enough if you spoil her with more gifts than quality time/attention. You on the other hand, are left wondering why your spouse still feels you don’t love her after all the numerous gifts you buy. You’re not speaking her love language.

Before applying the words from this post, please note this: The love language principles only work for couples who actually WANT their relationship to work. Relationships do not work out, you work them out.

Introducing: the love language, “Words of Affirmation”.

To give your spouse a verbal compliment is one of many ways to express love in the form of words of affirmation to your spouse. Another route you can take is giving encouraging words. The word encourage means “to inspire courage.” The bitter truth is that we all have insecurities. We lack courage to face a certain side of us, and that lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do either for our selves or for others. The latent potential within your spouse in his or her areas of insecurity a lot of times, await your words of encouragement. In this era of diverse social media distraction, increasing unfaithfulness and insecurity in relationships, affirming your spouse of your intact love and desire for them might be the key to bliss, even if their top “love language” is not words of affirmation.

wordssss

 

If your spouse’s love language is Words of Affirmation, the following applies to you:

1. To remind yourself that “Words of Affirmation” is your spouse’s primary love language, print the following on a 3×5 card and put it on a mirror or other place where you will see it daily: Words are important! Words are important! Words are important! It might sound corny or cheesy, but hey, aiming to please your partner is the goal.

2. For 3 weeks (the 21 day habit idea), keep a written record of all the words of affirmation you give your spouse each day. At the end of the week, sit down and review your record. On Monday, I said: “You did a great job on this meal.” “You really look nice in that outfit.” “I really appreciate your picking up the laundry.” On Tuesday, I said: (whatever you choose to say). You might be surprised how well (or how poorly) you are speaking her/his love language.

3. Set a goal to give your spouse a different complement each day for one month. If “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” maybe a compliment a day will keep the counselor away. You also want to make sure you’re doing this from your heart, it’ll help you stick to it after that one month and it’ll all be genuine.

4. Write a love letter, a love paragraph, or a love sentence to your spouse, and give it quietly or with fanfare. (Chances are, after many years, when he or she is departed from this world before you,  you will find your love letter tucked away.) Words are important!

5. Compliment your spouse in the presence of his/her parents, friends, even “frenimies”. You will get double credit: Your spouse will feel loved and the parents will feel lucky to have such a great son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Even then, make sure this is a genuine act.

6. Look for your spouse’s strengths and tell her how much you appreciate those strengths. Chances are, he/she will work hard to live up to her reputation.

7. Tell your children how great their mother or father is. Do this behind your spouse’s back and in his/her presence. Your children will learn how to appreciate their future spouses.

8. Write a poem describing how you feel about your spouse. If you are not a poet, choose a card that expresses how you feel. Underline special words and add a few of your own at the end. She didn’t marry a poet, so it’s okay if you don’t write like Shakespeare.

9. If you find speaking “Words of Affirmation” is difficult for you, practice in front of a mirror. Use a cue card if you must, and remember, words are important. In the end, all you’re really trying to do is make sure your partner enjoys your union as much as possible. So it is okay if you don’t sound as eloquent as a Ted Talk guest speaker.

The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.

You can take the love language test here

Next love language: Quality time.

When Alexander the Great died……


alex

 

Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests,his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence. He now longed to reach home to see his mother’s face and bid her his last adieu. But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit him to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last.

He called his generals and said, “I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them out without fail.”

With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king’s last wishes.

1) “My first desire is that”, said Alexander, “My physicians alone must carry my coffin.”

2) After a pause, he continued, “Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury”.

3) The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute’s rest and continued. “My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my coffin”.

The people who had gathered there wondered at the king’s strange wishes. But no one dared bring the question to their lips.. Alexander’s favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.

“O king, we assure you that all your wishes will be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?”

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said:”I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt. Lessons to be learnt from last 3 wishes of King Alexander…I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor on this earth can really cure any body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.

The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the path to the graveyard is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. I spent all my life Greed of Power, earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

About my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world”.

With these words, the king closed his eyes.Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last. . . .

LESSONS TO LEARN :Remember, your Health is in your own hands, look after it. Wealth is only meaningful if you can share and also enjoy while you are still alive, kicking & healthy. What you do for yourself, dies with you. But what you do for others will live for ever.‎

Unconventional relationship habits


The merry go round and brouhaha of relationships can be made better after a thoughtful read on this. its the unconventional habit of highly effective relationships.

  1. Letting Some Conflicts Go Unresolved

The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth – John Gottman.

In a research of thousands of happily married couples, some of whom have been married for 40+ years, it was found time and again that most successful couples have persistent unresolved issues, unresolved issues that they’ve sometimes been fighting about for decades. Meanwhile many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving everything because they believed that there should be a void of disagreement between them. Pretty soon there was a void of a relationship too.

People like to fantasize about “true love.” But if there is such a thing, it requires us to sometimes accept things we don’t like.

Successful couples accept and understand that some conflict is inevitable, that there will always be certain things they don’t like about their partners or things they don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t need to feel the need to change somebody in order to love them. And you shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.

The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes. Some battles are simply not worth fighting. And sometimes the most optimal relationship strategy is one of “live and let live.”

  1. Being Willing to Hurt Each Other’s Feelings

Your girlfriend could be one of those women who spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. She loves to look amazing and you love for her to look amazing too (obviously).

Nights before you both head out, she comes out of the bathroom after an hour-long make-up/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there session and asks how she looks. She’s usually gorgeous. But every once in a while, she looks bad (or not that gorgeous). She tried to do something new with her hair or decided to wear a dress that some flamboyant fashion designer from Milan thought were avant-garde. And it just doesn’t work.

By the time you tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make you 30 minutes late, she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of them at you.

Men stereotypically lie in this situation to make their girlfriends/wives happy. But we really do not need to. Why? Because honesty in a relationship is more important than feeling good all of the time. The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the woman you love.

Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees. She calls me out on my bullshit sometimes, and it’s honestly one of the most important traits she offers me as a partner. Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours later I come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better person even though I hated hearing it at the time.

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it.

It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right. The sunsets and puppies, they happen when you get the more important stuff right: values, needs and trust.

If I feel smothered and need more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause. If she feels that I’m cold and unresponsive to her, she needs to be capable of saying it without blaming me and I need to be capable of hearing it without blaming her, despite the unpleasant feelings it may generate.

These conversations are paramount to maintaining a healthy relationship that meets both person’s needs. Without them, we get lost and lose track of one another.

  1. Being Willing to End It

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. Show me almost any romantic movie and I’ll show you a desperate and needy character who treats themselves like dog shit for the sake of being in love with someone.

The truth is our standards for what a “successful relationship” should be are pretty screwed up. If a relationship ends and someone’s not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives. And that’s kind of insane.

Shut up and jump already.

Romeo and Juliet was originally written as satire to represent everything that’s wrong with young love and how irrational romantic beliefs can make you do stupid shit like drink poison because your parents don’t like some girl’s parents. But somehow we look at this story as romantic. It’s this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay with partners who are abusive or negligent, to give up on their own needs and identities, to make themselves into imaginary martyrs who are perpetually miserable, to suppress their own pain and suffering in the name of maintaining a relationship “until death do us part.”

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.

“Shoot myself to love you; if I loved myself I’d be shooting you.”

– Marilyn Manson

“Until death do us part” is romantic and everything, but when we worship our relationship as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and everything else in our lives, we create a sick dynamic where there’s no accountability. We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no matter what. And our partner has no reason to work on themselves and grow because we’re going to be there no matter what. It invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.

  1. Feeling Attraction for People outside the Relationship

Our cultural scripts for romance includes this sort of mental tyranny, where any mildly emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason. Being in love is like a cult where you’re supposed to prefer drinking Kool Aid laced with cyanide to letting your thoughts wander to whether other religions may be true too.

As much as we’d like to believe that we only have eyes for our partner, biology says otherwise. Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner wears off a bit. And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty. I get emails all the time from people in happy marriages/relationships who get blindsided by finding someone else attractive and they feel like horrible, horrible people because of it. Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same time, but it’s a biological inevitability.

What isn’t an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not. Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those thoughts. And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way how they found us.

This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others. Our cultural scripts tell us that once we’re in love, that’s supposed to be it, end of story. And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship.

But that’s simply not the case. In fact, it’s healthier to allow oneself to experience these feelings and then let them go.

When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate your behavior for you (suppression) rather than dictating your behavior for yourself (feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything).

People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to eventually succumb to them and give in and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds afterward. People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to project them onto their partner and becoming blindingly jealous, attempting to control their partner’s every thought and whim, corralling all of their partner’s attention and affection onto themselves. People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to wake up one day disgruntled and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went and remember how in love we used to be?

Looking at attractive people is enjoyable. Speaking to attractive people is enjoyable. Thinking about attractive people is enjoyable. That’s not going to change because of our Facebook relationship status. And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your partner as well. You’re killing a part of yourself and it ultimately only comes back to harm your relationship.

When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would. But it also reminds me why, out of all of the beautiful women I’ve ever met and dated, I chose to be with my girlfriend. I see in the attractive women everything my girlfriend has and most women lack. And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens my commitment. Attractiveness is common. But real intimacy is not.

When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions. We can’t control our own thoughts, feelings and perceptions the majority of the time, so how could we ever make that commitment?

What we control are our actions. And what we commit to that special person are our actions. Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will.

  1. Spending Time Apart

 

You see it all the time: the man who meets his girlfriend and stops playing basketball and hanging out with his friends, or the woman who suddenly decides she loves every comic book and video game her boyfriend likes even though she doesn’t know how to hold the XBox controller properly. We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. And it’s troubling, not just for us but for them.

When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person we’re infatuated with. This feels great. It’s intoxicating in much of the same way cocaine is intoxicating (no, really). The problem only arises when this actually happens.

The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.

It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, and maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours. Have some separate friends. Take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself. Remember what made you you and what drew you to your partner in the first place. Without this space, without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once sparks will become only friction.

  1. Accepting Your Partner’s Flaws

In his famous book The Unberable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera said there are two types of womanizers: 1) men who are looking for the perfect woman and can never find her, and 2) men who convince themselves that every woman they meet is already perfect.

I love this observation and believe it applies to not just womanizers, but just about anyone who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships. They either try to make their partner be perfect by “fixing” them or changing them. Or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.

This is one of those things that is not nearly as complicated as it feels. Let’s break it down:

  1. Every person has flaws and imperfections.
  2. You can’t ever force a person to change.
  3. Therefore: You must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.

The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws. If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsessive cleanliness, his awkward social ticks — and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, well, then that’s a sign of true intimacy.

One of the best expressions of this idea came from Plato in the form of a myth. In his Symposium, Plato wrote that humans were originally androgynous and whole. There were no men or women. They felt no lack, no uncertainty, and they were powerful, so powerful that they rose up and challenged the gods themselves.

This posed a problem for the gods. They didn’t want to completely wipe out the human race as they’d have no one to rule over. But at the same time they had to do something to humble and distract humanity.

So Zeus split them in half. He split each human into a man and a woman and doomed them to spend their brief mortal existence wandering the world looking for their other half, the half that would make them feel whole and powerful again. And this wholeness came not from two perfections meeting, but two imperfections meeting, two imperfections that both complemented and compensated for one another’s shortcomings.

The artist Alex Grey once said that, “True love is when two people’s pathologies complement one another’s.” Love is, by definition, crazy and irrational. And the best love works when our irrationalities complement one another and our flaws enamor one another.

It may be our perfections that attract one another. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.

 

Adapted from Markmanson.net

 

Back To The Basics -2


DANG! DANG!! DANG!!! That’s all that was banging about in my head.

My phone is ringing, it’s Iya Damola. “Happy New Year, may this new year be the……” she is praying *sigh* my head is killing me, another hangover. “AMEN! AMEN!!” I chant right back at her as I look for Panadol.

The woman loves me as DANG, and she’s really proud of me, but she’s still low-key disappointed. She thinks (and I agree) that I should be doing better than I am, for instance, I should have been in church casting and binding for the new year…..well, that didn’t happened. I mean, it was mad fun, there was lots and lots of drink, good conversation, and hot girls, whatever….. it was cool.

But really, is this all there is to life? It’s another year; I should not mess stuff up and have the boilerplate “I am just a bouncing baby boy” excuse at the ready. I should not spend all my salary on my beer and turn up and be like “why I come dey work, if I no fit turn up”. I mean, I really should get my shit together. I don’t know about you, but I live in a world of excess “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?” is the motto. Too much alcohol, too much food, too much women, too much drugs.

It’s about time I ask myself questions like,

  • If I don’t drink 6 bottles of beer, will I die? Like really, will I?
  • I see #TeamLightSkin babe on twitter, must i slide into DM? DMs that the most I can expect from it is meaningless sex that might just land you on @subdeliveryman timeline
  • GTBank retweeted some Shawarma Ad, must I call? I just had pizza delivered?

January 1st 2016 really had me thinking of how to minimize my excess.

It had me thinking like, all i should be working towards.

  • A better life for myself and my family
  • My relationship with God
  • Being as physically healthy as possible
  • Have a good relationship with my friends and family
  • Being happy

Hell, those are all I need!! Man. Those are the BASICS!!!! The main things I should strive and hustle.

DANG turn up, time to get back to the basics.

Written by Adedoja Adedamola.

damdey

Damola Adedoja is a web and graphic designer who works and schools in South Africa. An introvert with so many unpublished articles, loves art and is a very analytical critic.

 

My marriage, their wedding


Your marriage, their wedding” repeated Aunty Funke. She had endlessly reminded me of how my wedding would not be my wedding per se. I’m just an avenue to bring old friends and families together. According to her, it’s my parents that are celebrating. They are celebrating me- the fact that they successfully raised me.

It’s March 18, year 2040, less than 2 weeks to my wedding. My parents frowned a lot at the idea of me getting married to a French man. Jean Claude has spent over 12 years in Nigeria, having invested heavily in agriculture since crude oil prices fell badly in year 2015- Nigeria had changed drastically, I was told. That was the same year I was born. Because of the election fear that year, my parents and older siblings travelled to Paris.  After the election, we all returned to Nigeria. But being a French citizen, I returned to enjoy the benefits. So I stayed in Paris almost all my life. I knew this city as mine- my friends, education, dress sense, mode of living, and ideology. According to what I was told, working in an oil producing or servicing firm in Nigeria was the best thing the years before I was born. As it is now, we don’t value oil as we have trains, and functional water transportation systems. Although everything has changed in Nigeria, the only unchanged part is that parents call the shots when their children are getting married.

Since they didn’t fully support my getting married to a French man, they insisted everything would be done their way. Jean wanted a wine tasting party as our introduction. My parents would not hear of it. We resorted to the traditional style where his folks came to my house and the usual formalities ensued.

My mind was made prepared for a boring wedding. I repeated to myself “my marriage, their wedding“.

According to wedding experts and planners, food and entertainment makes a wedding. My parents got the caterers. I was doomed. Can I divorce my parents already? No kebabs? No French fries? No Rillettes? No Escargots or Ratatouille? No basmati rice or potatoes mixed with shrimps and Truffes by the side? I was moping around during the whole preparations.

I cried and begged, that I must get my own DJ. After a lot of brouhaha, they accepted. I wrote a list of classical songs, with good lyrics and beats. I was hell bent on making the best of this aspect.

April 1, 2040, it’s my wedding day. It’s obviously themed “my marriage, their wedding“. 60% of the guests are my parents’ folks. They looked like they were having a drag day, watching the couple’s dance. My ball dress swaying, hands locked in Jean’s, my head on his chest, slowly moving to our song. I looked at my father. He was tapping his fingers on the table. There was no “aww, see my daughter, now all grown” look in his eyes or face. He looked at his friends. It seems they had a plan. He stood up angrily, briskly. I got scared. He walked to the DJ and said some things. The DJ moved away. The music stopped playing. Whaaaaaaaaaaat!!!! “This is my moment. You can’t ruin it” I said with my eyes. And then I heard something strange. Some crude. Some funny melody.

pam pa ram pam pam, Eyin Omo wobe, Wobe! Eyin omo wobe, Wobe! Mo gbo information, mation! Ninu Radio , di o! E nfa Skunk!”

Hell was let loose. Every adult here jumped up. Agbadas flew away. Heels were changed to flat soles. Gele turned to waist trainer. And it turned out to be the best wedding as my father became the DJ. I’m not sure I should be thankful because even my friends joined in the ‘2 hands arched, in the thumbs up position, and one leg up’ dance style that went on all through the rest of the party.

 dj

My father is a ritualist


Not like my father had the Dangote or Okoya type of money. But he definitely could drag shoulders with the likes of bank MDs and some Nnewi businessmen. He was an average man initially, owning 3 average cars. Long time ago, when my mother worked with the Lagos state government as a civil servant, she was able to pull off some barren land in Lekki, back in the 80’s. Small bungalows were built on them, and left abandoned. These remained well secured, till the area boomed. Owning a total of about 6 plots in Lekki now is a lot of money. So we sold some, and got paid in dollars. As luck would have it, Naira fell against the dollar and houses that we sold at the rate of N157 per dollar, got an exchange at black market value of N311 per Dollar. Only my mother knew this story, as my father did not want us feeling like there was so much money, and then we get spoilt.

Obviously, my father became so rich. So rich he dropped his 8-5 job to set up his chain of businesses, and hardly went to the office. He had general managers and the likes to oversee his businesses. He bought a house in Surulere, converted it to a magnificent edifice. Neighbors looked at us as either dubious government workers or ritualists. I for one thought he was a ritualist. We made money too fast.

My dad who used to give us free access to the old house, now locks his room, in the new house. His love for Toyota and Nissan died, and we resorted to BMW, Audi and the likes. He would watch TV in his room till midnight, come out at exactly 2:05am at midnight to do whatever he does. This habit continued for years. 7 years after this plenty, mouth- watering money, he fell sick. He seemed so relaxed with the illness, and did not want serious medical attention. It was ironic that it’s happening 7 years later. He must have signed a 7 year juju (black magic) deal with a babalawo. He asked to be buried in a Hummer jeep styled casket. And we did just that.

 

After the burial, we never entered his sacred room. It feel eerie and haunted. In short, it was haunted. Because that thing that used to make my dad wake up at 2am kept looking for him every night. I was heartbroken. How can the man I adored so much have been a ritualist? Some things started adding up. At 2am every night, one creeping noise sounds, a sound like someone humming hard. More like a cricket. It apparently missed the soul that used to feed on it. Pastors, Imams, everyone would come and pray for the house, but no one entered my father’s sacred room still. To make it worse, when they start the Vigil at about 12 midnight, and end at about 2am, this noise would start again. This lingered for weeks.

 

thW71DI95C

 

Then on one fine day, I felt I’d had enough. I made up my mind to enter the room. I was going to feed, kill, take care or fight this thing that misses my father. I got my bible, a knife, baseball stick and a bottle of Eva water. In the thick of the midnight, I woke everyone up, told them to stay at the door while I go in to face our oppressors. 2am, it starts whining and humming again. I opened the door slowly thinking it would be scared. It did get scared and stopped for some seconds. I entered and it got louder. I almost ran out. I held the knife out as my Bible fell. I walked slowly to the bed side, the noise stopped, and started again.

“Are you okay?!?!” screamed my mother from outside the door. I didn’t even answer. The sound was coming from the bed side table. My imaginations saw a skull with blood around, and a cloth wrapped in red. But that wasn’t my reality. I opened the drawer, and the noise got louder. Behold, my father’s Nokia 3310, sim-less and plugged to its charger, which he uses as alarm to wake him up at 2am, to turn off the TV and have a look around the house to see if all is well. I burst into laughter, as my mother couldn’t contain her fears as she and my siblings ran in.

 

Back to the basics


The dictionary meaning of the phrase “back to basics” means: “stressing simplicity and adherence to fundamental principles”. In the urban dictionary, it means: “a return to previously held values of decency”.

In lame man’s terms, I’d say it means “simplifying what we have complicated”. There are several ways we can go “back to basics”: in our everyday lives, in relationships, dating, friendships, spirituality, work ethics and several more.

Now, when I say back to basics, I don’t mean living a flat basic life…No, it’s actually more than that.

  • Life. Life as we know it now is not what it used to be. Most people I have met, who come from different parts of the world have one common “philosophy” they were brought up with. It was the “go to school, strive for excellence, get a job, raise a beautiful family and everything else would work out” philosophy. In as much as life isn’t as cookie cutter as this, it still pretty much sums up what we all seek in life. Except now, we have gazillion things in place, while that philosophy keeps edging away from our reality. This is the point where I say we need to go “back to basics”. Although, modernization has taken over most parts of the world, we can still hold to the basic principles of life. We can still do life without hustling to become an Instagram celebrity, we can still do life without looking for a famous singer/actor/rapper/Instagram celebrity to latch on to so we can be shot into fame, lights, money and designer things. What happened to working hard and grinding for you, to being an upstanding man or woman who takes pride in is or her credible work? Hey I’m not one to knock anyone’s hustle, but if trying to be an IG celeb, or seeking out a famous person to get your share of the cake were what our folks spent all their time doing when they were our age, we would not be here today, would we?? I think not!
  • Dating. This one is tricky but at the same time, it’s not rocket science! There are many phrases that connote dating these days…how about the famous “Netflix and chill” or “hey do you wanna hangout or something”? Ha! Every single time someone has said something similar to any of these, I look at myself in the mirror like “you see your life??”-In a very thick Yoruba accent too! -Laugh, eat, be polite, be respectful, open doors for her, don’t drag him in the mud to look cool in front of your girlfriends, don’t be a kiss and tell (both guys and girls), send cute messages.
  • -ASK her to be your girlfriend or “go steady” with you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with making dating and romance as organic as possible. Don’t fake it, don’t be fake either…life isn’t that deep!
  • -Guys, ask her out!!! “Hey I’d like to take you out sometime, would you let me?”, “Can we go see a movie sometime and maybe eat dinner somewhere afterwards?” It’s just English, if you’re too shy, text her or better still, write her a note on paper! Cheesy? Yes, Corny? No!          If it’s the girl who wants to be the aggressor too, by all means, but PLEASE, enough of watering down the whole idea behind dating/love/courtship and all that.
  • Spirituality. This is a very touchy topic, as more and more atheists are bolder to discuss their beliefs-or non-beliefs and as religion keeps making the world sometimes difficult to live in. the only thing I’d say is that there is nothing wrong in believing in God and having a beautiful relationship with Him and to base all your standards on Him. But you have to stick to the foundational values of your religion! No, church is not a place to flaunt your wealth, your superiority or vanity! Go back to the Bible (basics) and see what having a relationship with God is about and what being a Christian means! No, the Mosque is not the place to show you are more humble or peaceful than the other person, go back to the Koran (basics) to see what being a Muslim is all about and get back on track! No, being an atheist has nothing to do with shoving your atheism down everyone’s throats and making them believe atheism is superior to Islam, Christianity or any other religions! Stick to the founding values of your choice and move on with life! It’s that simple!

Lastly, I’m not perfect either; people who know me know that perfection is far from what you’ll describe me as. I don’t know if I’m closer to being “back to basics”, but I’m aware of it in my everyday life. Remember the popular catch phrase “YOLO”? Which means, “you only live once”? How about we start applying it everyday in the little things? Always saying “Please” and “thank you” isn’t a weak move, it’s something our parents instilled in us and living by it is definitely a boss move!

Live life daily less and less from the Internet world and live it closer to those around you. Be kind, be sincere in all things, love as deeply as you can, be respectful and live life to the fullest!

Written by Felicia Akanmu.

backkk

Felicia Akanmu is a media communications expert and blogger also. She runs an NGO, is an ardent feminist and lover of God and charity.

The case against selfies


Social media is one of the most in-thing in this era. Anyone not keeping to this trend would have eyes rolled at him or her. It puts pressure on us to put our lives out there.

 

It’s tiring that we have about the same set of contacts on all platforms, so I wonder what’s spicy about it. Twitter is to say your innermost feelings and thoughts. Facebook is to catch up with far and long lost friends. Instagram is to flaunt the vain, well made up face pictures. Snapchat is to show those who care, you hourly activities. BBM is for cheap communication. And on every platform, most often than not, we take selfies as display pictures or new posts.

What’s about a Selfie? A picture that shows a little background, and then your torso and face.

self

 

The quintessential of this, is to ask, ‘why the fuss about selfies’? You go someplace, post the photo taken, track the traffic, and forget to actually have fun. Why take 17 selfies, then post the best? It’s ridiculous when people go to memorable places, or fun parks, and care only about taking a photo with the snow in the background instead of really getting ice skates and having fun. It’s not life when you meet Banky W and all you want to do is take a selfie, instead of talk him into allowing you be an assisting event manager so you can show case what you’ve got. How does one go to a game reserve, takes a selfie with the cheetah in the background instead of trying to feed it.

 

I’ll ask, which moment is more cherished? The picture or actually savoring the moment. A good number of us are really not living this life. We just give some make believe on social media and that’s it. Why go on a vacation to only flaunt pictures when you can actually conquer new grounds?

 

When you are bored on a fine weekend and decide to look at photos, would you keep staring at the same picture of your well made up face or nicely trimmed beards? 200 different poses? Or you’ll rather have different moments and adventures captured, such that you spend about a minute on each picture remembering the occasion.

selfiee

 

Selfies make us look at ourselves from the outside-in. You put the 3rd party’s perspective on a first person experience.

 

I implore you to actually live your life, and not aim to please. I’ll rather check a #wakabout on instagram than search #selfieaddict.

 

On a concluding note, i’ll reiterate this:

Life is a book. Those who don’t travel read just a page. However, selfies are changing how we vacation,and why. We see someone at a safari in Nairobi and we just want to be there because folks go there.

 

In a weird way, i’m beginning to think we would enjoy life more if we put the camera away.

Escape From the World


Recently, I have been writing more on relationships. Whatever the motivation is…I wonder.

Before I dig into the main aim of this post, I would mention 3 types of personalities you should avoid when considering to date, or when already in a relationship:

1.) The temperamental spouse. This one’s anger is forever quick to be kindled.

2.) The overly jealous: keyword being “overly”. Jealousy in a relationship  can be healthy, but extremes are not allowed.

3.) The overbearing spouse. The one who wants to know your every detail, feels your life must revolve round them and vice versa. The one is forever questioning you: “why are you going there?”, “why are you not picking my calls?” blah blah blah. Phew!

The main reasons you should avoid or leave such people (not when you’re married o!) are that they could get very violent, you can’t be yourself around them, you’re not happy or your happiness isn’t consistent, amongst other reasons.

Okay, so enough diversion! Let’s talk.

Why do we escape from the world around us? Or feel the need to escape from the world around us? Is it because it seems to be either overwhelming or you need some serenity and calmness? The most popular escape “destinations” or “routes” include:

  • Take time off work, stock the house up with food, turn phones off. Sleep, wake up, watch movies, repeat cycle.
  • Have a fun trip. It could be a mini get away to some neighboring state or town, Booze, friends, trips and just good old fun!
  • A real vacation: An island, sight seeing and ticking off items on your bucket list- if you have one.

 

couple
However, I’m not talking about any of these 3 types. I’m talking about a human escape “destination”- that one person who’s your soul mate and Gee, your personal person. The one you want to be with or talk to when the day’s work is over. And when you have a hot story/gossip. The one you want to be with when the going is extremely smooth not smooth.
Many claim you can have more than one soul mate in your lifetime. I don’t dispute. However, I think it’s imperative that our escape from the world is our spouse and soul mate. Every wife should long for going home to meet her husband and the other way around. Every boyfriend should be able to comfortably turn down men’s hang out to be with his lady. This is because above all the stress and gallivanting all around, that person is your escape from the world. A place of solace and comfort and well tied bond (well, after Jesus).

Someone used to tell me this:
If you dread going to work in the morning, change your job or working conditions.
If you aren’t excited or in a haste to go home after work, change your spouse- not my words!

#musingsfrommyheart.

Channel your anger positively


anger

 

 

‎A teacher held out her hand, carrying a glass of water, half full, while he stood in front of his students. They thought it was the usual, well know puzzle of “is the glass half full or half empty” and each one took a mental note of their answers- “half full” answers for optimists and “half empty” answers for pessimists.

Unknowingly to them, the teacher had a different approach and side to the story:
“The weight of this glass is dependent on how long I carry it. If I carry it for 2 minutes, it seems light. For another 30 minutes,its getting pretty heavy. If I hold out 3 hours, it would be so heavy”.

You’re probably wondering where I’m headed with this story.
This story can be likened to how we hold on to anger and grudges.
Hold out for some minutes, it’ll feel like  nothing and it’ll pay off in the end. If you decide to hold on these types of negativity,nits cancerous, and day in day out, it spreads till it weighs you down and abuses your mind set.

When angry, instead of breaking heads and bottles, why not channel it to a positive cause? How about:
1. Jogging, dancing or exercise it out. You would have gotten all worked up from the anger-adrenaline pump, and you can channel it all to a befitting means.

2. Breathe in a controlled manner. Take deep breathes, in and out. This stabilises blood pressure and slows the heart beat. Soonest, you’l be back to normal.

3. Anger triggers things such as composing songs,writing journals, deep thoughts, etc. So you could do something you like to do, and end up doing better when angered up. Jamal in Empire usually compose most of his songs when irked by his dad or lover.

4. Say positive words to your self. They calm you,motivate you and I mean, you pray for yourself.

Getting angry isn’t a sin. Staying angry and what you do when angry are the sin.
Develop a postive approach to anger and chun it out via a better channel.

The beautiful ones are indeed ugly. 


Before you go in too deep and start thinking: “who the heck does this guy think he is, calling someone ugly?!”, please know that I am nobody to call God’s creations ugly. So let me replace the word “ugly” with eeerrrr “not so beautiful” or “not so attractive”-English fails me right now, you can replace with the right word when you’re done reading, thank you!
beaut

 

This post is from a weird corner in my head: it stems from a number of vain things ‎I see on snapchat, Instagram and the likes.

The lady is sharp, Chanel bag, make up as they say, is “on fleek”, posh locations, great captions-basically, you’re mesmerized and you message her. Then the real conversation starts and it’s not really flowing because Aunty can’t make conversation-one work answers were the order of the day! I think a lot of people find it unattractive (see? My “not so attractive” phrase is coming handy) when you give an answer you know would require another question. For instance:

I’m a student (when you can just say I’m a student at Unilag studying Economics).

I’m serving (which would definitely be followed by ‘in what state’)

I do business ( I guess you sell human parts since you won’t state exactly what type).

So you wonder, is she having so many people on her case, she can’t give any1 very good attention? Or maybe she’s really basic as a good number of men are available and she feels she can’t aim to please any? All those questions in your mind don’t matter actually because the fact is, she gradually gets unattractive to you.
Flip side: There’s the not-so-smashing lady,who’s not had so many advances, so she’s spent a lot of time doing random reading on various topics, movie reviews, watches CNN and a lot of other ‘single lady things’ that makes her seem well developed intellectually. Then some dude notices her,and because it’s not a frequent occurrence,she sustains the conversations. Fast forward to conversations later, the guy who thought she was just there, sees that there is a whole lot more to her. Then she gets really beautiful in his eyes.
Are all physically-drop-dead-gorgeous ladies annoying in conversations and intellect? Heck no!

Are all the ‘just okay’ ladies so on point that they automatically have inner beauty? If I hear?!
So don’t judge me. It’s just the musing of my heart that led to this post. I just wanted to write…

80/20 rule


New flame.

Over emphasised crush.

80/20 rule.

We all go through this. How does it work? I’d explain:

You meet a lady who’s pretty different from your woman. She wears sneakers instead of heels, or the other way around and that makes her so chic. She schooled in China, and that unconventional country,as compared to UK that your lady went to, and this makes her seem unconventional. Ooh, it’s like your man works with an oil company, rakes 700,000 a month, and travels alot but then,this dude you met owns a travel agency, makes about 400,000 a month. But because he’s got extra time and and can bring you lunch at work, you got butterflies in your tummy. That’s mainly what a new flame is about. It’s the sudden craze about someone with a different persona (not necessarily better).
On another side, is the “80/20 rule”.

Your man buys you gifts, spends weekends with you, work hard, has met your folks and flaunts you on every social media platform. The only lapse is, he’s 13 years older than you. While at NYSC camp, you meet a young man, your age mate, who sometimes calls you his baby mama,and you can both act like the “youngings” you guys are,the few times he manages to see you. To spend on you is pretty much a hurdle to cross. So what happens? You get so fascinated by the closeness in age and childlike behaviour, making you abandon the other 80% qualities in the older man, and sticking to the 20% younger fellow- Height of sub-standard.
Here’s the thing: In a relationship, there would be ladies with better qualities than yours, there would be men doing way better than your man.

Therein lies the real test of loyalty.
Are you quick to switch taste cause of a little hype? Do you forget your roots cause of a newly developed fruit?

Imagine a scenario where your man is too tired to take you out today, and another random guy who hasn’t seen you in 6 months jumps at the opportunity. I mean, would he be making as much of a sacrifice? Why make your man feel belittled due to such? You’ve forgotten the so many times of taking time off work to drop you off at a party…or your girl today is so exhausted from work that cooking isn’t even on the agenda for tonight, then one of your old flames says she wants you to try a new recipe you inspired her to cook-so you drive all the way to her house…what of everything else your girl had done right with you before then?
It’s perfectly normal to feel a thing- as trivial as it may seem, for another. It’s kinda sorta allowed. We are humans. HOWEVER, be quick to disregard such, except there are fundamental issues wrong with the current that you wanna absolutely get rid of the “current” and make it the “past”.

Selfies. 


Have you noticed that some friends, when using their folks’ pictures, use the same thing. Be it mother’s day, birthday, burial anniversary, or when they want to show appreciation to them.
Apparently,many of us do not deem it fit to take Selfies with siblings any  parents. I’ve met folks who would go through so much trouble trying to locate a family member’s picture. And then I wonder why.
Il tell you this: taking Selfies or pictures with them make them feel so loved. Remember, they come from a generation where cameras and pictures were a big deal, and that mindset hasn’t really cleared off completely. I remember a while ago,at d advent of the camera phone,my mum would complain of taking too much pictures,as if I’m wasting film( as seen in d cameras of old). Take pictures of, and with them, and let them have so many pictures,as it keeps memories. Like i’ll always say, they need next to nothing from us. Just some attention,care, love and grandchildren, I guess.
Secondly, remember they are attaining their prime. And as such, Heaven might be calling soon. Other than the memories of experiences, pictures are the next best bet. I could spend 2 hours going through my parent’s hard copy pictures .
For a refresher on how to make folks feel great again, click here.
Have fun,guys!!!

A woman’s poem


‎His alarm clock went off, but he ignored it. 
However, his boss called, and that ringtone woke him up. 
I took the blame, for allowing him sleep peacefully,
Forgetting I woke him up, but he asked for more time.
He said I’m unlike his mother.

I wore seductive clothes while making breakfast,
So he can eat food,and or me, whichever he pleases.
He sneaks up behind me and startles me, 
This made me pour excess salt in the food.
He complained I ruined breakfast and that his mother would never do that. 

His friends came over to watch the game.
I served them beer and roast chicken.
I politely told them to not smear food on the cushion, which they assured me won’t happen. 
When they left, he scolded me for being rude, and unruly.
He claimed I wasn’t homely, like his mother.

His boss seemed overbearing, and was giving him  a hard time. 
I tried to convince him on having alternate sources of income, so he would be flexible. 
” you never just understand. I’m not cut out for business and risk. Why won’t you just be rational, like my mother” he said.

On this fine day, he did the same thing.
And I got an idea.
In his sleep, I tied him up. I whooped, thwacked,  smacked and beat him up with a belt and soapy water. 

He cried. Yelled. Begged. cursed.I sat and watched. Just like his mother.

Hype or swipe


I was talking to my sister some time ago, and she started to talk to me about something like a man meeting a lady who he loves so much, and decides to stop cheating and flirting with other ladies- because of her. in other words, this lady is worth all the hype, and no way is he going to share his emotions and body with another woman. Basically, he’s sticking strictly to his woman because she is ‘da bomb’.
                                                  I vehemently debunked that claim.
My own school of thought is this: a man outgrows the habit/lifestyle of jumping from one woman to the other. He sits down one day, and realizes that all the money spent on “shina”, time on other ladies, drama of hiding phones, deleting text messages, having insufficient time for the so many women, and emotional instability isn’t really worth it. Then he decides that it’s best to concentrate it all on a lady, and swipe all others. He basically analyzes situations and take stock. He decides to stop staying out late, start taking coffee, stick to buying brand new cars, spend 5 hours per day on twitter and then stick to one woman.
I have in no way insinuated that all men cheat, so done et me raw!!!
Summary, I’m leaving this to you to vote, with the poll below.
Its anonymous, so I cant tell who voted what. I only get figures. So please vote, and be honest.

approach age 30


‎I started this blog not too long b4 I clocked 25. That’s a couple of years ago..and 30 is knocking…I’m still far from it tho’. 

30

 

So I did some thinking and taking stock. What’s expected of a 3rd decade being? What should 30 years have taught you? I’m inexperienced, but I sure keep your eyes and mind busy. So let’s talk!

 

no

Learn to say no. No to outings, no to some asoebi. No to some requests, and to some activities. You are gone pass the age or phase of boot licking, eye service and peer pressure. In this new age,and going forward, you call all the shots. The only thing that gets a yes should be what you really wanna do. Well,except for obligations like your father-in-law’s  birthday, assuming he’s not your favourite person.  And when saying no, be respectful but unapologetic. 

Pay attention to what you eat. Our bodies are no more as immune, strong, flexible and the organs are gradually relaxing. After wealth,its health, in this decade. We can’t keep up with junk and barley. Avoid meals prepared in mass, or industrially. Doughnut, red meat, soda and too much fried meals. In short,at this age, you should stop eating any major food after 7pm. If you must eat,it should be fruits. Exceptions should be special dinners and the likes. 

 

junk

Have control over alcohol: I expect that you started drinking at 18. If not,your loss. If you started drinking at 27, just learn all you need to befor age 30. Bottom line, you should have learnt how to drink, and be getting ready to quit excessive alcohol. Egbon,you are 30, and you still have a hangover? Biko!! Or you don’t know how to say no to booze when you have so little disposable income? 

bills

Spend according to your half your monthly budget: bills would be all up in your face all the time. Except you are 1. a big government official’s child 2. Well established in your own company and doing GREAT 3. a dulling ‘suegbe’ kinda person, you would always have things up your sleeves that are back up with insufficient funds. Do you have a choice? I bet not. So what do you do? Adjust to spening on what you need,and with those needs still, spend only half a month’s in come. 

Keep a close circle‎: written about this thrice on this blog. Those with simple lifestyles have very few,trusted friends. The few bonds should be deep and tight.

Some things aren’t thaught in school: on that note, try to start making the best decisions, and focus more on dreams..realistic dreams. Take risks, but take calculated ones. Things won’t come so free,and people would be quicker at judging you based on outcome of your endeavours. If you

Not everyone is sane: that’s assuming that you aren’t part of the erratic ones. But if you go thinking life would be fair cause you are nice, you are mistaken. At this stage,it needs to sink that people will only access your opinion based on their understanding and experiences. So many wrong foot would be stepped on,if you ain’t careful. Avoid social media dramas, and when driving in a city like Lagos, repeat to yourself ‘the other driver is a donkey, I won’t be tempted’. 

Beyond ovaries and a waiting womb


I really wanted to write something about bringing something into the marriage, so I discussed with my far but close friend, Funke  ‘Efkay’ Akanmu, who agreed to write this for me. Its so professional and inspiring.

 

ef

 

Read along……

 

Marriage is one of those things that everyone looks forward to; well, maybe mostly ladies (I take that back- it’s something everyone looks forward to). There’s just something about “marriage” that makes anyone giddy, excited and even panic. Oh I know what that something is: WEDDING! Weddings are so so so exciting that it’s termed one of the most important and biggest days of one’s life. 

From a very young age, whether it’s from performing numerous little bride or ring bearer duties, the importance of your “wedding” is ingrained in our minds. For the rest of our formative and growing years, we would begin to chase the ideal partner, the ideal course of study-so we can save up for that wedding and have good life, the ideal dress, and did I already mention the ideal partner? Ah yes!
There’s something we kind of leave behind during all these scheming and planning of our ideal future and wedding day and that’s :our individualism and sense of self.
Your sense of self is simply the way you see yourself. No not the good ol’ “I wanna look like Kim Kardashian” (I can’t even believe I’m typing her name here), but the “my name is lagbaja, and I am this and that, I want to be this and that, I will have a this and that effect on my generation and do this and that for my environment…etc.”.
One common mistake- permissible as it may be, that a lot of us (mostly us women) make is leaving the individual that we were/are, before coming into marriage. The Bible says it that “two shall become one”! I am not an expert but I sure can tell you that bringing half into your marriage with someone who is a “one”, would bring both of y’all two a three quarter, not one!
For instance, you went to school, got a degree, you get married, your husband sets up a store for you, life is good! Yaayyy- right?? Well, WRONG! Ain’t nothing wrong with your man taking care of you, but what next after that?
Business is slow and you run back to him? Na-uh! OR he sends you to school, connects you with his friends in high places so you can get a job, he buys you a car, life is good right? WRONG! Again, nothing is wrong in your husband taking care of you. What is wrong is that your individuality is wrapped around this man, which means, your whole being and life are tied to him, that he does have reason to say “I made you”! Now that’s what’s wrong.
In case you were wondering, no I don’t consider myself a feminist- I consider myself a realist, and I believe in the old school love/marriage, where the man takes care of me. As a realist, I’d say you have to bring something to the table(marriage) that’s simply yours and yours alone. Something you can point out and say, that’s all me, 100%!
We all say we wanna be like the Proverbs 31 woman, but if you read that passage again, you’ll see something dominant: Grace and Hustle! And whether you’re a Christian or not, those two things are two things a woman should have. They’ll take you places you never imagined and icing on the cake? You won’t HAVE TO depend solely on your husband, but you would WANT TO, because as I said, he’s your husband!
That said, I wish you the best, as you embark on this Graceful journey of Hustling! Take something other than your ovaries and womb, waiting for semen to make a baby. Its much more than that.
DISCLAIMER: I’m neither married nor am I a marriage expert, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two right?? SAYONARA! ✌🏾✌🏾
A goldfish jumping out of the water to escape to freedom. White background.

THE TOP 6 CAUSE OF KIDNEY DISEASE:


 

 This was sent in my office, and decided to share. Every post can’t be on love, money and booze. Lets have some health talk.

kidney

 

1. Delaying going to a toilet. Keeping your urine in your bladder for too long is a bad idea. A full bladder can cause bladder damage. The urine that stays in the bladder multiplies bacteria quickly. Once the urine refluxes back to the ureter and kidneys, the toxic substances can result in kidney infections, then urinary tract infections, and then nephritis, and even uremia. When nature calls – do it as soon as possible.

 

2. Eating too much salt. You should eat no more than 5.8 grams of salt daily. But me, I love salty meals ooo. I used to lick salt as a child.

 

3. Eating too much meat. Too much protein in your diet is harmful for your kidneys. Protein digestion produces ammonia – a toxin that is very destructive to your kidneys. More meat equals more kidney damage. Ibadan people, take note. You eat too much Iya Basira meat.

 

4. Drinking too much caffeine. Caffeine is a component of many sodas and soft drinks. It raises your blood pressure and your kidneys start suffering. So you should cut down the amount of coke you drink daily. Ogo Oguanaman and Kitan Olokode, this is for you!

 

5. Not drinking water. Our kidneys should be hydrated properly to perform their functions well. If we don’t drink enough, the toxins can start accumulating in the blood, as there isn’t enough fluid to drain them through the kidneys. Drink more than 10 glasses of water daily. There is an easy way to check if you are drinking enough water: look at the color of your urine; the lighter the color, the better.

 

6. Late treatment. Treat all your health problems properly and have your health checked regularly. Let’s help ourselves…God will protect you and your family from every disease this year! Amen

 We can go back to love stories now.

 

YOUR KIDNEY DESERVES THE BEST

You Only Live Once


thPBAHCV5K

How depressing it is when I hear of someone who hasn’t failed before at work or in school. That’s every shade of messed up. That’s boring!!

It’s pretty much disheartening to imagine that Bill Gates, with all his wealth, might not have tasted jollof rice before.

If your tummy has never rumbled, and almost embarrassed you, you need to come back to mother earth.

Not like I have a theme for this piece. I stumbled upon some words somewhere, and the summary is:

You Only Live Once. 

Many of us are too rigid, busy, strict, straight and uptight, that we get either too carried away, or allow the world pass us bye.

In trying to achieve a feat, we lose many others. The painful part is, we probably lose more important things.

Quick summary: live a fun filled, and balanced life. No aspect should be left undone or stagnant. Spiritual, emotional, academic, relationship, financial or whatsoever.

Recap from the piece I read:

There is no point getting a promotion on the day of your breakup.

When is the fun in driving a Mercedes when your back hurts? Or shopping with so much tension in your mind.

This life we’ve got, we got just one. Skip a class to have a lifetime memory at a talk-of-the -town party; it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll fail.

Meet people and make the best out of it. Stop over analyzing, or emphasizing. Open your heart and arms to new things. Travel often.

I was a party freak in school, and all I had to do was have a reading time table, to make my 4 point CGPA.

Hehe, and I broke some hearts, and I still get scared that these ladies would meet someday, and deal with me.

Take out of your savings and have a get away with a cherished person; the bank could fold up.

Experience what it’s like to have a hangover, or to ride on an elephant’s back.

Fight with your spouse; cuddling after that is so sexy. Bet a little, you might just hit a jackpot. Get lost sometimes; that way, you may find new things.

You know why? Because while on your sick bed or old age, you won’t remember the houses or cars, per se. You’ll cherish the moments and adventures, and that’s where fulfillment comes.

Live this life, it’s just one and sadly, its short!!

Law of Power Series – Court Attention at all cost


On the series of Laws of Power, I would be giving random tips I read from a book. They would be short and straight to the point. If you want power at all costs, follow some of these, depending on which goes with your personality and desperation.

Hardly do you get power by hiding in the shadows. By all possible means, you need to stay in the news, in the lime light, on the lips of everyone. I met (or saw) Denrele Edun some nights ago at a bar. He came in with clothes that he usually wears for shows. He greeted those he came to meet with so much drama, genuflecting and hugging hard. By all standards, that brother is weird, but he’s selling out, for weirdness. That brings me to a vital point.

No matter what, stay in the news.

To get power, you need to keep making headlines. headline I know a couple of folks who pay to have their scandalous stories in magazines, and then pay to give the replies. Apparently, it was a strategy the PDP (or Pro Jonathans) misused to help APC/ Buhari win as they kept his name in the limelight (although via allegations). Ever seen Ruggedman’s instagram page? its so busy with one supposed tour, or charity visit, or unleash of a clothing line. All this it make it seem he’s still making waves and the likes.

Wisdom in a nutshell:

  • Surround your name with the sensational and the scandalous.
  • Create an air of mystery.
  • It is better to be attacked and slandered than ignored.
  • Make yourself appear larger than life.
  • Any sort of notoriety will bring you power.

5 ways to a man’s heart.


Apparently, there are some unique (and maybe weird) men out there, who you can’t get to their heart via food/ his mouth. Someone like me, food is the last thing my wife would ever have to worry about. Once you can prepare basic meals, we are good to go. Little wonder why ladies are not allowed to cook for me. So food isn’t the way to my heart.

 

So I thought, what else might be the way to a man’s heart? Outside food and sex. Probably his car, Kaput! How exactly? Read ahead, for things you could do to a man’s car, that could help you get the ring, or settle a quarrel or spice up your marriage.

 key

First and foremost is point one. Let’s use this illustration. To win a lady’s heart, you need to maintain and keep earning points. If you buy her roses, you earn 5 points. Take her to Dubai, you earn maybe 15 points. The day your ex calls you in her presence, you lose all points and start from the scratch again. But men are different. Buy a man a perfume, that’s like 100 points. If you slap him, it drops to 85 points. If you buy him a car, that’s like 5000 points at once, and you really don’t have to do anything for a year, as that one point does it all. So as a bae who wants to convince the brother, just buy him a car.

pimp

 

Pay for a pimp up. You know, it’s not enough to just complain that his car’s air conditioner isn’t chilling, or that his CDs are boring. Why not offer to pay to run an auxiliary cord which would play songs from your phone? Or pay half the price of a DVD system or re-spray of the car.

driving

Do the driving. To me, this is one hell of a sexy deed. You know, as your make up kit is important to you, so is our car to us. A man who lets you drive his car has already digested the vegetable baba‎ gave you to put in his food. So on your way to a function, or to the mall, just offer to do the driving. It gives this feeling like “I got me a soul mate and a helpmate”.

sexy_car_wash_babe

Wash with (or for) him‎. Take a cue from some music videos. How erotic it feels when a lady in shorts and a tan top plays with water while washing a car…just do same!! On a fine Saturday, either offer to solely entertain him, or join in washing the car. It kinda tells how down to earth and ever available you are. But biko, if he stays in an area where he parks outside or with no personal compound, pay the gateman to wash. Don’t cause wahala.

thVPNI076T

Give him a treat in the car. Variety is the spice of life. Don’t restrict “IT” to the bedroom and kitchen and living room. While taking a drive in a not too busy estate, or at the beach, or even in his compound, do “IT”. Tease him, please him, squeeze him!!!

 Dear girlfriend, I prefer treat number 1. Just buy me a dodge charger, and you got my back all year.

 

Destination addiction


destination-addiction

I’m going to try to look for a simplified way of explaining this phrase. Let’s use some examples.

Assume I attended an Ivy -League University for post graduate studies and paid about 7million naira (about $35,000) for my studies. Then I get a job that pays me 3 million naira ($15,000) per annum. By all standard, I’ll feel like my education isn’t paying off, and so would not offer my 7 million worth brain to a 3 million worth salary. So I’ll give about half my best, and hope for a better job.

Also, if I’m into light skinned ladies, and I meet this admirable, adorable and awesome dark skinned lady, the tendency is there that I won’t give my best to her. Not because she doesn’t deserve it, but because I’m too preoccupied with my future want or expectation of a drop-dead omo-pupa (light skinned lady).

The summary of the 2 examples details a set of people who are too addicted to what they expect of tomorrow or the future, and decide not to give the best at what they have or are experiencing today. Destination addiction has made a number of us lose opportunities, and good relationships.

It’s is the preoccupation of the mind that happiness is in the next job, next partner or the next place.

The sad thing is, as long as your mind is glued to happiness lurking around the ‘next’, then happiness would never be found in the ‘current’.

 Make the best out of the current!!!

side hustle


sidee

I‘ve learnt about having a side hustle since I was younger, from watching family members juggle one job and another. For example, my friend Damilova of Lova clothings runs a mobile wardrobe market, can get you anything you want, and still work with the state government…that’s what a real + side + main hustle is. Not everyone feels the need for a side hustle, but if you’ve been thinking about it: then here are more reason’s why 2015 is the year to start!

Focus: You won’t have time to be merry-go-rounding in your life. You see, an idle mind is the devils workshop and an idle mind with mobile phone, internet and bb will cause much chaos. Do have those friends that ping you and always seem to be so available for a “random” chat? I’m not saying idle chat is bad oh, but idle chat everyday is not why we are here. Get busy. Get a side hustle.
New Skills: You will learn a new skill, most of the time our side hustle will be in something totally different or quite complimentary with your 9-5. Doing this on the side will help you build skills that will be useful in your job and outside your job. You will learn to prioritise and multitask. No knowledge is lost.
Extra Cash: This is the most important reason sha but I didn’t want to come off as a money lover. by placing it as number 1 plus some people have too much money so they do it because of “just because”. LOL. You don’t have to wait for that alert you get ONCE at the end of every month from your 9-5…having extra on the side can help out with things like going out on weekends, holidays, paying for asoebi, and all the miscellaneous things we spend our money on. That extra cash can fluctuate to be more or less than the salary you earn at your 9-5. Imagine those days when you actually make double your salary from your side hustle. Godwin!
Security: Incase of “incasity” what happens? People with side hustles are not afraid of losing their jobs, not because they don’t really like their job or because they play with their jobs but because there is a plan B. A plan B gives peace of mind. What if your company cannot afford all it’s staff? What if they just have to let you go? What if no salary for 3 months…how you go do? Side hustle.
New Career: I know so many people who have left their 9-5’s for their side hustle. Doctor’s becoming photographers, engineers becoming caterers…it’s happening. It’s hard to make the decision to follow your passion and leave a job. Because? Money. However, doing the side gig will help you determine if you really want to take the leap or if you should just fogerraboudit. Most of the time our side hustle is a little hobby of ours, something we are passionate about, but when it begins to become more fulfilling, emotionally and most importantly FINANCIALLY, people don’t hesitate to jump ship.
Fulfillment: I do think people who have side hustles are more fulfilled in life. I once read somewhere that “Multiple interests are how you create a happy life. Also, just the awareness that you are building something on your own, gives your self esteem a boost!
By the way, shout out to the few ones I know: Ifeanyi (Cool cash) Enemuo, Denrele Kicky, Yebo (Escada Homes) Akinso, Oraibi (CeeGee Makeovers) Wakama and of course Sola (thatafricankid) Kola-Amodu.
I love when you people interact with me, so I want to know why you started your side hustle. What are the rewards you get?
Adapted from sisiyemmie.com

Choose a teacher……


Which do you prefer? Which is your spice? Which would you rather have?

Before you say thatafricankid has come again‎, just read up. This isn’t high school and has got nothing to do with subjects, per se.

However, if asked to choose a teacher to become your spouse, which would it be?  Let’s discuss.

Mathematics: this fellow is a smart-ass. Technically called the nerd or brainy. Folks here are the ones who have something to say about everything. They can analyze why a political party would fail, and explain why lunar eclipse can only occur at a time of the year. If you are attracted to folks of great intellect, you are Sapiosexual. Would you rather have the mathematics teacher and let go of the others listed below? Because this teacher doesn’t really look good, and doesn’t even know how to touch your soul and make you feel any compatibility (except you are brainy also though) and barely scores a pass mark in packaging ( as most mathematics teachers are in reality)..

Biology: do I need to break this any further? This teacher has got it all when we analyze physical appearance of the body alone. The beards, the height, the perfectly shaped back side, the curves, Nicky Minaj kind of ‘8’ and the ruby woo lipstick. Here, the body is all that matters. So if you had a choice amongst the 4, would the biology teacher be your spouse? However, this show stopping body, can put salt while boiling egg. You can say ‘Christmas is around the corner’ and this fellow would actually stand up to go and check. This person would call ear-piece ‘Herpes’, and you might not be able to have d most heartfelt conversations.

Chemistry: the chemistry teacher is the one who has deep rooted conversations with you. Doesn’t necessarily know too many things in the world and the likes, but connects so well with your soul and being. And once it’s about flowing well, this fella does it. Empathy, sympathy, connection, vibe, all on check. Remember, this person comes with a not too presentable look, has fair understanding of history or current events, isn’t d best person to play a puzzle with, and might not know how to even forge Ghana accent (not to talk of British). So would you rather marry the chemistry teacher?

English: Ahaa, the English teacher can form shege, and package well. Strictly eat with fork and knife, must take a cab, handy handkerchief, great and polished way of speaking, neat freak, and the likes. Even taste of music, has to be classical music (and no Fuji?!?!?!!!!). But then, you might not be able to match the accent with the face (loll), neither might this packaging attract u sexually, or this good English be understood…

So share your answer via this poll.

Nigerian proverbs and translation


Cartoon old man with one tooth

 

TEN NIGERIAN PIDGIN PROVERBS & THEIR TRANSLATION INTO ENGLISH.

 

1.Craze no hard to form, na the trekking be wahala. English translation: Most things or tasks are easier said than done. 

2.No matter how hot your temper be, e no fit boil beans. English translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem.

3.Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup. English translation: You can’t run away from your destiny.

4.Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap. English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever.

 5.Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef. English translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don’t rush!

 6.Akara and moin moin get the same parent, na wetin dem pass through make dem different. English translation: How you start doesn’t matter, what matters is how you finish, which is to a large extent, how you handle situations of life thrown at your feet.

 7.Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus. English translation: Give everyone what they deserve.

 8.The difference between kpekere and plantain chips na packaging. English translation: Don’t judge based on appearance alone.

 9.Escort me, Escort me, na so slave trade take start. English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke.

 10. This is left for you to fill…..do add your native proverb, and its meaning. Cheers.

 

Inspired by : John “Alagbabishi” Ojo

 

10 + 1 guidelines to being a perfect side chick


sideeee

This is part of a tri-episode, which was written for a relationship magazine, for fun. So its out of the usual inspiring posts I have.
Oh well, lets just have fun reading.

The good truth is many know they are the side chick, and are probably ok with it, for now at least. So there are basically rules you have to adhere to. The long and short of it is 1. You both want to have a good time and 2. You worry less where the relationship is headed. Once you start to fault that comfortable position you are in, the fun elopes.

So below are the well-researched, and summarized rules.

1. Stay spicily spicy. That’s one of your fundamental responsibilities. If there’s no spark, then allow him ‘endure’ his woman. He’s looking out for someone who sends him perky messages, and does some weird things to him at the mall. You can’t afford to be bottled up and void of spice, else he would wander what’s different about you and his main.

2. Give him space. You are not the main. You are the official miss handy. So you should only consider being available when he needs you, or when you desperately need him. No fuss about ‘where are you’, ‘what are you doing’, ‘why are you doing it’ and co. He gets a lot from his woman, and so he can’t have 2 people baby-sitting him. You basically have to be fun and not all up in his face. And like hell, you have every choice to do what you want to, so does he.

3. Don’t try to have “the talk”. You know men hate to have that talk. Not with our parents, not with our children. So why would you want to ‘talk’? That ‘we need to talk’ p kills us. So don’t even go there. Don’t ask where it’s leading to, what he wants out of you, and the likes. Your relationship with him is basically his side chick, pere!!

4. Go with the flow. Why should you have to quarrel with him? On what grounds? As long as he treats you well, and respects you and your space, don’t have an argument. Always remember, you should do it in a different, and of course better way, than his main. So when arguments come up, he just wants to run off, or replace you. And remember, because he has nothing so so lasting with you, he might not fight too hard for you. When you know he’s lying, just flow with it.

5. It’s not your business. Where he was, who he was on the phone with, and all that, is not allowed. Kaput. Also, when it comes to health, protection, and your needs, you come first. So how he does it, or gets its, isn’t your business. Lest I forget, never be a side chick to a broke brother.

6. Don’t spend special days with him. You should not be in the scene too often Allow madam play her role well on such days. It’s great if he spends the day before that special day with you. And if you are so dear, he would invite you to his birthday, because he’s so sure you would not be jealous or create a scene. And if he spends a day like Vals day with you, 2 things are involved (that’s if the main is available);

  • She is unbearable, and you might actually be the main while she is the side chick.
  • There is hope, if you have some admirable traits.

7. Allow him push the tabs. He’s the one cheating or flinging or having an affair. So let him keep tabs on you. This relationship shouldn’t be costing you, be it financially, emotionally, and health-wise and the likes.  In the same vein, if he’s with the main and you holla, you might be causing trouble. So just buzz only when you are so sure he’s alone or at work, or out of town, and alone.

8. Let him think you are the only one. Well, except you really do not care, and probably do not want him. You know guys are very jealous, and unfortunately hate to share (even if we share ourselves everywhere available). A side to it is, if he knows others are having you, that reduces your chances with him. On the other side, ask him to put a ring on it if he doesn’t want it distributed, LOOL. So be very tactful with him.

9. Skip the talk about the main. In this situation you are in, the most applicable phrase is “what you don’t know can’t kill you”. Even if he brings her up, shut him down. So all that stalking on Instagram and the likes, scratch it. If possible, don’t have any idea what she looks like. Just live like he’s the only one who exists.

10. When the chills are out, or dicey, fade out. Heart aches, too much dramas, or he’s got issues you can’t deal with, pick race!!

11. Finally, the most important rule is: Stop being a side chick!!!!

Before yall eat me raw for this, I hope you know that as there are side chicks, there are assistant boyfriends. Just that side chicks are more prevalent.

ENJOY

The good side of being a side chick


This is part of a tri-pisode, which was written for a relationship magazine, for fun. So its out of the usual inspiring posts I have.
oh well, lets just have fun reading.

sidee

 

As a guy or lady, it kinda pays to have or be a side chick. The reasons are not far fetched……….

1. It’s acceptable by the society. We don’t want to call it cheating, and more importantly, we need to make it seem right. So a nice name had to be given. It’s like saying baby daddy instead of ‘out of wedlock”. In the real sense of it, a side chick is another lady you are seeing or dating. It’s a funkified and refurbished word for cheating. Since the society frowns at cheating, we get someone who is just like an assistant girlfriend.

2. Lesser drama. The main bae is consoled that she’s got number 1 spot, and so can careless about the side ones. And from the side chick’s perspective, she knows she isn’t he main, and doesn’t have to bother herself about mundane, petty and trivial issues. As a guy, you eat your cake and have it. Lucky guys would be side dude to a side chick. This just makes it even. Just be careful to not rub it in the face of the side chick that she’s on the side.

3. Emotional stability. If the main is acting up, small thing. Call the side bae, and talk to her. She fills in the gap, and before you know it, you are more emotionally stable. When either acts up, the other is there as solace for you. If both act up, get a second side chick!!! From the lady’s end, because she knows the rules of the game, her heart is basically not involved, so there’s no room for heart skip or break.

4. Variety. I expect that main bae and side chick should be contrasting. Main should be drop dead, gorgeous , Kush taking, party rocker , pepper seller daughter while side chick is the church, nerdy, “daughters of Sarah skirt”, get high on Smirnoff, daughter of a senator kind of babe. It’s just so perfect when both of them have unique but contrasting traits. So if variety is your thing, get some of them by the side. And for the lady, it’s expected that this guy is rich oooo. So a rich guy would bring in more to the table, and so you have varieties of human hair, YSL bags and the likes. So it pays you better.

sideeewe

 

5. You get to do more with her. Things that are too sane or decent; things that you cannot do freely with the main. Technically, she gets to know you more. You might not spend all the time with her, but you get to be more intimate with her. Chances are that you tell her more of your issues and challenges than you tell boss lady.

6. Usually truthful. You barely have to lie to the side chick. In the first place, his whereabouts and communications are not your business. But if you insist on the details, he would most likely spill the truth. If he’s out with the boys, chances are high he’s correct. And if he says he’s with madam, he probably is with her. The only exception is maybe when he’s with the 2nd side chick.

7. Most importantly, the reason why you need a side chick(or to be a side chick) is because you are still a child and not ready to be serious!!!!!!!!!

Ҏµ₰$҂

Noah’s Ark


Little did we realize that there was more to the Bible story “Noah’s ark” than we thought. As your handy man, I researched, read, thought and finally summarized this story, and applied it to our everyday life and situation… so read on, and get inspired.

noahs ark watermarked

Don’t miss the boat: when I was going through A-levels, I loafed around a lot with friends who had already gained admission into the university, and were in the A-level school to while away time. Partied, played, and just fooled off. Luckily for me, I had grades good enough to get me into the university via direct entry. So basically, regardless of the company I kept, I dint miss the university boat at the appointed time.  Point is, ‎you must find how to arrive at your big picture, or the step further at arriving at your big picture, no matter the obstacles or ladders. On the broadest level, don’t miss Heaven, or Paradise or Life after Death.

Plan ahead; it wasn’t raining when the ark was built. Save for the rainy days. Have an exit plan from you current unsatisfactory job, or for a government that might change. Have a plan B and C in case A doesn’t work. Have extra sources of income. Have an assistant boyfriend (I did not say that).Summary is, be aware that some events would occur in the future, and the impact would be a consequence of today’s planning. As many would say, pain is temporary, GPA is permanent. So device a reading plan today, so that the unknown future would be well taken care of.

Stay fit; when you are old, someone may ask you to do something really tasking. Noah was instructed to build the ark in his old age. How old are you, that you already have potty stomach? Soon, you’ll marry, and you and your spouse would make love with this potty hindrance. Your might just have to drive long distances to see your children. Staying unfit during younger years could lead to complications at older age. I can’t over-emphasize this: find time, hit the gym, or lekki-ikoyi bridge and exercise. Eating healthy isn’t the only means of staying healthy.

Don’t listen to critics; just get on the job that needs to be done. Emphasis on critics, and what needs to be done. Critics could be right, if in the real sense, you are fooling yourself. But as long as you are self-motivated, have justifications for your actions, and you are on a path to the big picture, them allow them the audience. Criticizing you now helps louden the trumpet that would be blown furious when it clicks. Is that what you are paid to do? Is that your dream? Is that what you see yourself doing or becoming? Is that what needs to be done? Just do it. If critics condemn your approach, then take stock and adjust if need be. But if the criticism is on your goal, shake it off.

Build the future on high grounds. After having the game plan or goal, set the standards high, such that when the chips are down and you fall, you don’t fall too low, if at all. A popular saying goes thus: reach for the stars, and if you don’t get there, you’ll at least be with the moon’. Don’t even try settling for less than you want, or can be or can accept. In relationships, decision making, and quests, seek out to meet best possible standards.

Travel in pairs. Sojourn with someone with like mind and ideas. Even if it’s for company sake, for kanji, for better reasoning, have a companion with like minds. So that you don’t get stuck, or helpless or wanting, grab someone who can be there. Have a wife or spouse who can help you with your dreams. Have a besty or colleague at work who’s always got your back and you can relay fears, dreams, concerns and aproko stories with.

Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were also on board with the cheetahs. I’ve not said speed isn’t good, but it doesn’t always necessarily mean it’s an advantage. Sometimes, no one really cares when you got there; the question is, did you get there? And so being the first to buy the new car model, doesn’t mean I won’t buy also, and I might be lucky to buy the newer model, lol. So it’s still a function of how well, not how far or fast. Though speed matters in some cases.

Remember the ark was built by amateurs; titanic was built by professionals. Don’t rely too much on the experts. They sometimes make mistakes. There is bigger pride when you materialize your thoughts and plans, and if a mistake is made, you know a path not to follow again. Basically, don’t despise your abilities and inner man.

When with God, there is always a rainbow at every storm. Guard your every decision and choice with a backing or confirmation from your source. You see, if every marriages and idea ventured into was inspired by God, you would find reasons and strength to stay and fight for that cause, because you involved the Source all the way.

Turn by Turn


Is it just I or we have also noticed this: That the supposed big boys in high school or university are not ‘balling’ now? Or that the prettiest girls in high school are kind of not even close to fine‎ or jaw dropping as expected.  And those weird nerds in our universities are ‎kind of really cool now?

I don’t know what I people saw me as in high school or in the university, but if what I’ve noticed is correct, I pray they used to see me as not balling, nerdy or just there. You know why, so that very soon, they would say ‘chai! this guy that was just there in high school is ballling hard’.

‎Our journey is life is like water flowing on a table. A small pen cover‎ on the table can create a barrier, and if you look well, you would notice that the water from the back flows further than the one originally in front. Some barriers, or situations, caused by us or nature, might slow us down a little. This however, does not mean a halt. ‎

Oh well, I met the CFO of a company, by name Mr. B. He dresses good, drives good cars, and most importantly, is very accessible. His subordinates has access to his fridge and the likes. We got talking, and he said he’s been used to openness and being down-to-earth.  ‎ ‎ When‎ you are seen to be balling, or as the boss, or as the prettiest, remember the tide might not be in your favor someday. As a manager, team head, reigning celebrity or MD, the smallest of your employee, staff, or team member could assume a position tomorrow, that you would need his /her cooperation.  A commissioner who dis regards a‎ local government counsellor today, could become a house of representative member tomorrow while the counsellor becomes senator.

At every graced opportunity, stay cool and easy. Life is not that hard. We are all still going to die!!‎

At the dawn of a new day


The gazelle.  The gazelle is a freestyle animal. Randomly doing its own thing in d wild. Feeds on grasses, mates once a while to procreate, and loafs around. But it has a major problem: the lion.

The Lion. If not for feeding, the lion would probably be free styling also. Aggressive mating, scary roars, and territorial guarding. The lion has a mission: the gazelle.

Cheetah_3

The least the gazelle can do, every day of its life, to stay alive is to run faster than the fastest lion, and else it would be killed.

The least the lion can do, every day of its life, to stay alive, is to run faster than the slowest gazelle, else it would starve.

Let’s bring it home. The most important thing in life, is for you to stay alive and be living. Alive to stay fashionable, to be able to relate with peers, to be granted audience, and keep food on your table, among the long list of reasons why you are alive.

To fulfil this, every morning, you need to have a game plan. A reason to live. A plan to either not get left behind or a plan to stay above peers.

Every morning, you need to be running, or walking, crawling or flying, fast enough not to be left behind. If not, a lady with better prospects would snatch your boyfriend.  And your Honda would get outdated, and your friends would ride in Mercedes Benz. Better still, you remain as a worker in church, whereas your besty becomes an ordained minister.

Bottom line: every morning, keep running. Either to beat the others, or not to be left behind.

Akoba Adaba


I have tried to get a summarized meaning of this Yoruba phrase to no avail. However, I would exemplify to give a meaning.
Assume you are headed somewhere, couldn’t get a bus or cab, and a good Samaritan offers you a lift. Along the way, police stop you, and on searching, find Indian hemp or a gun with the Good Samaritan. These are loyal policemen, who do the right thing, arrest the driver, and of course you. At that point, that good Samaritan is an akoba adaba.

In the same vein, assume you are sent by your company to inspect a project. Those executing the project are lackadaisical and unruly. But as a baddoo that you are, you come early, and do the right thing, which eventually exposes their weaknesses to top management. Technically, you are an alakoba or akoba adaba to those people.
You see, many of us entangle ourselves with associations which eventually put us in a state of jeopardy. Of a truth, we do many of these in the name of adventure, beefing up your social status, or just for psychological fulfilment.

Allow me tell a small story. I attended a private university, and to me, my ideal girlfriend then, was a Unilag student. It was more like a fantasy, based on stories I knew about Unilag ladies.
PS: the emphasis is on the lady, not Unilag. So “awon aye” helped me get one. In no time, we were dating. However, anytime we go out, something goes wrong. The first (and only) time LASTMA officials (traffic enforcement agents in Nigeria) arrested me and I paid so much, I was with her. The only time I bashed my car and cleared my side mirror, she was with me. Whenever police stop my car, once they see my face, they assume “no risk” and allow me go. But the day police stopped me, brought to my notice that my insurance papers had expired, and I had to pay, the babe was right beside me. My friend Adejumo SOJ, who witnessed more related issues with this lady told me point blank: “her head and yours do not agree”.
The probability exists that they were all coincidences. All these might have happened without her beside me, but I refuse to think that way. My conclusion on the matter is:

some people’s stars do not shine with yours”

Your involvement with them brings constant troubles, thus minimize the risks.

We all know life is complex. We also know sex is beyond the fun. Spiritual matters are involved, and all of that. Thus, the more ladies (or men) you go down with, the more spirits are interchanged with yours. If you sleep with someone whose destiny has good luck and all of that, maybe, the better for you. But when your partner/ concubine has plenty issues, aha, then you have a reason for the many issues you are facing.

We all can’t have good, beneficial friends. However, we can make our lives better by having positive relationships and associations. It feels good, and also helps in challenging times. Some nights ago, Bimbo Kasali (the 2nd of the 3 musketeers) had a car fault at midnight, and I had to go to Demola Ojebiyi’s house (the 3rd musketeer) to pick him, and other materials needed to fix the car. Wrong circles won’t be so handy, as they are available only when the going is good.
Cut out unproductive talks and people. You have more to lose being with them.

Matter of fact, you know you are getting more matured when your circle of friends gets smaller

Throw Back Time


imagesCAVDV89F

I remember the first time I made coffee. It was some weeks into my present job, over 23 years old. The only time I’d had coffee, someone made it for me. So on this fine day, I was beside my office crush, Ogo Oguamanam (I know she is reading this). So I excused myself, mixed about 3 full spoon of powdered milk and about a spoon of coffee. You need no description of how that tasted. I went back to my seat, without tasting. Back beside Ogo, I started sipping. Nothing has ever been that bitter. I forced myself to finish it because dude did not want to fall his hand beside this babe. SMH
Moral of the story: Never try to impress, or feel intimidated by anyone.

I remember my first night in the boarding house. For reasons best known to my parents, they took me out of a mixed, day school (after JSS 3) in Lagos and dumped me in a catholic, boys-only school in the middle of a forest, in Ijebu Ode. Mum advised that I fetch water the night before and store it, and it would be warm in the morning. The end-of-year harmattarn was ready for me. The first bowl on my body, I hated my mum for the next 15 minutes. Apparently, I learnt freshly fetched water is warmer than “under the bed” stored water.
Moral of the story: Best lessons in life are self-learnt.

I remember waking up 6 am every Saturday morning. If you are in my age range and did not do this, you already missed a good part of life. Cadbury breakfast show was all that mattered. However, I had another obsession. That was when I would lick Maggi!! Yes, Maggi, that is used as seasoning for cooking. That’s the only time I can have my fill with no fear of being caught.
Moral of the story: erm erm, we all have weird sides. LMFAO

I remember when I was in JSS 1. My parents were quite broke, but I was, arguably though, in the most expensive school in the neighborhood then (learning field school, satellite town). So with my small daily pocket money of 20 naira, I would buy 2 packs of cheese balls and walk round school, so it would be said I eat cheese balls too. But that’s not even the gist. I insisted on celebrating my 10th birthday. As Mum couldn’t refuse, she told me to invite, but a few friends. I invited a handsome number. Then April 1 came, and mum produced cabin and zobo!! Ooh gosh, oh no. I almost fainted, I mean, I’ll be finished in school. But there was hope at the end of the tunnel: no one showed up!!!!!
But you see, I remember my 25th birthday party. The venue was overflowing, I couldn’t manage the crowd.
Moral of the story: SuruLereeeee

I remember the first time I toasted a babe and I knew what I was doing. Her name was Femi Ayayi. It was all mapped out. As it was time for short break, about 10am, I ran to the toilet, dampened my hair with water, apply gel to make it greasy, and my friend Tochukwu Mbanefo helped use comb to draw lines on my hair to make it look like waves from using sportin waves hair cream. Then when talking to Femi, I’ll face down, and when she thinks I’m being shy, I’m actually flaunting my curly hair.
Moral of the story: No moral, please.

I remember the first time I saw baileys in my father’s room. Then, he still used to drink a little, we were still Muslims I guess. I was under 10 years old. I would sip it, a sip every 2 days. Then one day, I took about half a cup and poured water back in the bottle, to top it up. All I know was my eyes went drowsy, and I start laughing so much, then I pass out. He never talked about it.
Moral of the story: excess alcohol is bad.

I remember the first time I had sex. It was……………. Aproko!!!!!!!!! I’m a virgin!

I’m Caro, You’re Ada.


Real friends and social media friends know my lust for Caro is real…!! I’ve looked for that bae, even went to a club in London when someone claimed to know she was around. That skin color, the thighs, her hair, ohmigosh!!!

But then I get sober, and all I just want is Ada ada. You know, someone I can have deep conversations with, who is ‘home’ and I can prove my masculinity with.

I know many girls claim to be Caro,some really want to be Ada. From my POV( or a guy’s point of view), I’ll put on the table what we think of the duo. Then put yourself beside and tell which you are, or which you prefer to be.

From Wizkid’s lyrics, I’ll define Caro:

Caro your body necessary. Caro fine plenty plenty. Looking for caro:
YEs!! She’s so damn fine. Might not be natural beauty, but the skin toning, red lips, revealing clothes and show stopping gestures, you don’t want to miss her. She’s always representing.. Caro is the typical lady we look out for at the mall..or let’s say a major reason we go to the mall.

Caro dey fire pass motor, caro dey do she no dey tire:
Caro just has to be a sex goddess. Fetish, ever ready, adventurous, costumes, name it. She never comes last in bedmatics. And to her, its a major way of keeping her man. So trust me, if you want real sexcapades, look for caro.

Caro sweet she no get enemy. Bi o se nse, o fe pami o.
One easy way to know caro, check out her social media life. She’s a twitter celeb,loads of instagram followers. And that’s where you see a 20 # on a picture. Or she says #just woke up and you see rubywoo and mac on her face. She has to meet up to expectation and never downgrade.

No time for all this senrenre, I want to spend all my pepper.
She doesn’t do things small!! Its S4+ I-phone + Nokia Lumia, all at once. Her birthday never just goes by. Has to be the talk among her friends. All the senrere( unnecessary stress) of cooking, being homely, house chores don’t go well with her. There’s money, so let’s just use the money to eat out,get someone to do the chores etc.

Caro carry history.
Because she quite everywhere, and the lust of many, her stories are not hard to get. Put her on your dp, some random people know her,and have something to say, either true of rumored. Also, she really has no secrets, as she does her thing openly. Her movements, daily/best clothe snapshots, and life are all over social media, so her tape is easily rolled.

Caro day make my head dey bang,caro dey make my head dey scatter.
Take it or take it(lol), caro is almost what every man wants now. Only a few don’t like her totality but you just have to love some of her flavors. Well, no one is perfect, so she’s justified.

Ok, so let’s meet Ada ada. Flavor sang mostly igbo, so I can’t ascertain the qualities of Ada via lyrics,But I’ll try,based on perception.

Ada no dey lack ada,ada get am for up and down.
Well,who says only caro has it? Ada is endowed also, but my conclusion is, Ada doesn’t flaunt it to everyone. Its probably for her boo and maybe very close friends. She leaves a lot for our imagination. The endowments are only slightly noticeable, but not flaunted or purposefully exposed.

Ok,so that’s basically all I know in the lyrics. But then,I’ll keep describing,based on assumptions,highly debated arguments especially with Tumininu Oloko and guy gist.

Ada is homely. She’s the one who’ll rather stay home and cook, do the dishes, tuck the kids in bed, and would probably get things fixed herself,rather than pay someone to do them. Aha, so if you want conservation of your expenses and reduced cost of living, get yourself Ada.

Ada’s sexuality,I’ll describe as submissive. She allows the man take charge, and decide/dictate the moves. She might just lye there and allow you do all the work. So the sex might be good, but MIGHT not be too adventurous. Expect the regulars, maybe mind blowing once a while, and maybe time table for sexual intercourse (shoot me).

It doesn’t always have to be big with ada. Ada, even from a very wealthy home, does not always get loud. she’s a definition of conservative. She’s in 3 continents in a month and her dp might really just change twice. Her I-phone and torch light phone are just enough, even if her i pad and mac and porsche and xperia are under her bed. She really doesn’t mind what she uses, or what she has or can afford. As long as she looks good, life’s good.

Ada isn’t so easy to get. Since she’s usually up for long term,serious minded things, then you have to take your time and prove you are worth the while. Undisputed, many Adas fall prey of guys who just want bacon( read the post on pig or bacon), but then, not too many guys can have history with her.

So that’s it. Apparently, ladies who are judged as caro by man, claim to be Ada…while those who we see as Ada, claim to be caro. You think I’m wrong, just randomly ask.

If I’m to choose who I want, I’ll say Caro for a girlfriend, and Carada as my wife(big grin). Ladies, mix the flavors well, so we’ll never just stop wanting you.
Cheers.

copyright: Kola-Amodu ®™ ̈́ ̈́ ͂ ̐ ̈́ ͂ ̷̐

So where does happiness lie?


‎‎There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”
The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
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This story says it all. Stop defining your happiness based on what the world expects it to be. 
Cease focusing on bigger or more. Why? Because those big things we supposedly desire might just be available to us, right away. ‎

Enjoy today. Enjoy the moment.  And make the best out of it!!!