Bachelor’s Sojourn – Part 4


The adventures of Omo Otunba started from Part 1. Click here to see how the journey started.

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Aarrgh!!!! Everytime I’m with the love of my life or something, my girlfriend always shows up, ready to ruin the moment.
 
But wait! Did you think I didn’t have a girlfriend? I can’t remember never having one, since I had the first. Undull. 
Are you also shocked I wasn’t mad at Mimi or Bimbo? Come on!! You should know better! we are guys, we pass babes.
“Hey babe, what’s up? Seeing your friend off?” JD asked. 
I replied “No, it’s just hot inside for Karelle. So we are taking a walk”. 
She said she would be inside, waiting for me. So she left me with Karelle. 
Karelle just looked at me funny, while biting her nails. I didn’t know what to make out of her expression. But my senses told me not to continue that journey to the boys’ quarters. Karelle was obviously thinking same because she asked that we go back inside after some minutes. Jadesola (JD) just spoilt my little escapade one more time. 
 
One more time, yes. That’s because it’s always happening. But she has never caught me pants down. It’s been so close but never in the act. And it’s not because I covered tracks well. “Na my mama prayer dey work”…Because I can’t leave JD oh! I don’t know why but I can’t. Not for all these Instagram babes. 1st class in engineering, daughter of a local government chairman, not skinny, not chubby, works with a generator company and earns pretty good money. We’ve been on this dating matter for about 4 years. And the most she allowed me is play with her boobs and she helps me out with her hands. Yes I said that. That’s the limit because my dear JD is a virgin. Virgin Mary. And I’m totally fine with it. But you need to understand that JD is my G. She’s my babe, my guy, my mini mother, and the one who can press my reset button.
 
You see, back in the university, I dabbled into a number of things. They included being the social prefect for my department’s association and also making clothes for students. The cloth making was quite profitable, at least for student, and also when Otunba decides to withhold my allowances. At a particular time, I got about the biggest job I ever had: to make 22 suits/blazers for some graduating students. This was a big deal for me, since it all came at once and they paid full amount. 
 
I had to dash to Lagos (specifically Lagos Island) to meet another tailor as I assessed that mine would not be able to do a perfect job. Our previous specialty had shirts and trousers. Discussion with Dennis was smooth, price, style and fabric was decided upon and I gave him the contract. I won’t take you into too many nitty-gritty details but lorokan, Dennis and many other tailors, mechanics, or artisans in general, are what we call “Alakoba!!!” So I gave him a 70% upfront because I wanted to motivate him. A week to go, Dennis had only cut 10 blazers. I screamed, threatened and did all sorts, but he said he got it covered. I went back 2 days later, only to discover only 8 out of that 10 had been sewn, 6 had been cut down while 8 hadn’t started at all. He kept saying it would be done but I knew better than listen to him.  
 
The real drama started when I asked for my money back, for the uncompleted ones. He said he had no money, except I decide to sell his machines. Man, I was furious. By the next day, only a total of 12 were ready, and then Dennis fell sick (well, according to his boy, he was sick at home, and that’s why he wasn’t picking my calls). It was Tuesday, and the final year dinner was on Saturday, and a whooping 10 suits were not available. I needed help from above and I called JD to explain my predicament. Her panic was even worse than mine. She advised that I quickly look for another tailor, and my response was ‘with which money’? But then, that’s the truth; I had to start the hunt. And I found one on that same Tuesday night but he was charging more than what Dennis would charge for a blazer since it’s ‘express’. JD offered to pay for whatever I was short of, as a loan. It had to be ready by Friday. I accepted, and work started. I called him every 3 hours, asking for progress report and he also said ‘it’s covered bro. They would be ready’. 
 
But guess what? On Friday morning, it wasn’t. I almost fainted. I considered not going back to school. Those guys would have skinned me alive! The new guy said first thing Saturday morning. I wondered how I would be able to make it to school, which was 3 hours away and deliver, especially considering that I knew (but hoped) that Saturday morning wouldn’t work. At 7am on Saturday, my phone was buzzing non-stop from 22 student customers, who were getting scared about the outcome of their ‘best dressed’ outfit. But what could I do? I had to leave for school that morning with the 12. For once, I was glad it was a private university, and so no one could come and mob me. At about 3pm, I got to school and settled the 12 who weren’t impressed at all. And that’s the sad reality of the service industry. If the delivery/ logistics process isn’t smooth, the value of the product just seems to reduce. 
 
The tailor called just as I was done settling these guys that that the clothes were ready and that he needs a method to deliver. I didn’t know if I should curse him out, or cry or go back to Lagos. But I serve a living God and he made a call come through. It was JD who asked on the update, and after explaining, offered to bring these clothes down with the then reigning Red cab. I couldn’t thank her enough. At 6pm, people were already tricking into the marquee for the event but the 10 men standing were red with anger. I kept begging that it would come. They knew better and took their minds off it. At 8pm, JD showed up. Oh!!! The relief was out of this world. I gave these guys their clothes, while she started her journey back to Lagos. 
 
If I ever doubted my love for this babe, this singular occurrence cleared the doubt. As fate would have it, best dressed was among those guys, Male face of the year was part of them and also best clique had someone wearing my outfit. My thanks to God knew no bounds but my dabbling into cloth making knew a bound as that was the last time I dared to do such commercially. Till today, I’ve not paid JD though, but that’s because whenever I say ‘you are getting the money of that time’ she would say ‘no, you’ve paid in many other ways’. That’s one of the reasons I can’t leave JD. She’s what we call a ride or ride (I can’t say ride or die because no one is dying and we are Africans, we don’t play with such words). 
 
Many days later, I was at immigration, at the airport, getting set to leave. Otunba didn’t come along but we had solo time so hours before I left. I’d miss this man so much: his drama, his sense of humor and his domineering demeanor. He really is my father!
“So this is your first time out of the country, asked the immigration officer. I just ignored him, as if Ghana isn’t “out of the country”. Then, his next demand was my invitation letter. Who needs an invitation letter to see his own dad? I tried to explain my dad was going to pick me up but he wasn’t having it. He said he would not allow me embarrass Nigeria in Netherlands, and get deported, so he would send me back here. 
I almost peeped my pants (boxers I mean). How could this be happening to me? 
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Click here to read part 5.
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Bachelor’s Sojourn- Part 3


This story started from Part 1. Click here to see how the journey started.

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‘If only your grades are fine as the ladies who come to see you’ or ‘ if your GP is as spotless as your face’. Those were the usual lines Otunba would usually use when he sees me with a girl and it never bothered me.  
But this time is different!!! This man just came to spoil show.
Apart from the money that business owners have, every other thing about their lifestyle can be annoying. Otunba can leave for the office at 4pm or return from work at 11am after leaving the house at 9:30. Don’t get me wrong, he never complains about a lady in my room. Instead, he praises me, depending on the beauty of the lady but he never indulges me to be randy. However, when I do something wrong, such as my every semester wrong doing of a low CGPA, Otunba would finish my career. His tongue-lashing always resets my brain…even though the reset is always short-lived.
 
“Well, I need you to go to the bank to cash this cheque. The account manager is waiting for you. Your friend can go with you”, he said. 
As we walked out and Otunba saw Mimi’s backside, he tapped my shoulder with that ‘that’s my boy’ grin on his face. As I got into the compound, I ran into my mother who gave her usual disapproving. She called me to one side and asked where I was going. I explained that Otunba sent me to the bank and she said ‘iya baba e ni o npa iro fun’ meaning it’s your father’s mum you are lying to. Sometimes I wonder whom she’s referring to when she says this. Is it Otunba’s mum or Popo’s mum? She says something of that nature at least every week, dissing my dad’s mum or dad. She does know that my future wife would say the same to my kids, right? Oh well!
 
In the end, my little stint Mimi didn’t click o. After leaving the bank, we split. After some weeks, I saw her proposal video on Instagram, which was followed by introduction. My heart sank. Not because I was in love with her or anything, but I always secretly hoped I’d get another opportunity to play our little dice games. Again, don’t blame me till you meet Mimi. But low key, luck was about to smile on me, without my knowledge!!!
Some 2 months after Mimi’s introduction, all those pictures disappeared from her Instagram page. Therefore, I buzzed her on BBM. She wouldn’t tell me the full details, but summarized their relationship as over. As I would later find out, the fiancée discovered her “sexcapades” and escapades and left her. So I urged her to have a getaway, to cool off (not like she needed one). She asked where, and I said Ghana. Guess what? Mimi said okay. See why I said luck was about to smile on me.
 
We drew up a plan, agreed to split the bills (I like this type of babe, no money palavers) go to Ghana by road, and return by air. Before we knew it, our plan materialized! Few days later, we landed Ghana at about 11pm; it was a 14-hour journey. We’d booked a hotel online, so the moment the ABC bus dropped us close to Accra Mall, we took a cab to our hotel. After about 40 minutes, we were well settled, and I set off to sleep. I was between dosing and sleeping when I felt a very warm sensation in my “nether region”. Lorokan, Mimi gave me one mouth action that night. I was close to passing out. Sorry, I lie, I meant I passed out, because that was the end for the night, but also the beginning of a 4 day long sexual adventure. See why I say “Almighty Mimi” Choi!
 
Mimi is a porn star. No, I give it to her. My original plan was to do EVERYTHING to this girl but boy!! I was a learner? Mimi took me to Antarctica, then Sahara desert and then the deep ends of the Atlantic Ocean. This babe was dominating as hell!!
Wait, did I tell you she was a little over 2 years older than me? So her domination came from every angle! If she says it’s time to stop, it’s time to stop. You can’t seduce Mimi. She has a mind of her own, and would do only what she wants to. In 4 days, we went out only twice, to take a walk on the street. All we did was watch TV, have sex, sleep, have more sex, eat, drink, have crazy sex, sleep, eat, have some type of sex, watch TV, take a walk, drink, try out some weird sex position, bath together and sleep. 
 
So you see why Ghana was a waste of money? Not a total waste but we could have done this in a random hotel in our beloved country. Well, I got my passport dis-virgin, so it counts, right? Yes, thank you! And you know the best part of all these? There were no emotions, no complications. Mimi never asked me “what are we doing, where is this headed to” and the likes. Mimi, I duff my hat for you from here oh!!
 
 
My mind raced all day at the idea of moving to Netherlands. Mum said she would tell Popo to discuss with me, while she would handle Otunba. I got on the Internet to see what it had to offer about Netherlands. I was able to discover the following: it’s another place that can be termed ‘sin city’, red light district and prostitution is legal, farming is very prominent and it’s a relatively peaceful city, ranking high in the world. It didn’t sound bad.
 
Over the weeks, plans for my relocation went in full gear. Obtaining visa was smooth since Popo is a citizen, who worked with law enforcement. Apparently, it’s easier for them to file for children and get good benefits. I wonder what mum told Otunba that made him buy this idea. Parents can be funny at times. The thing you expect them to raise the roof for, would go smoothly while the trivial matters would bring an earthquake. I ensured I was at my best during this period. 
 
When it was a few days to go, I told some friends I was going to Netherlands for a while, to chill. You know, in this part of the world, you never let people in on your plans. There is this fear that they would jeopardize or jinx it. So there was a small send off party for me.
A number of friends including Mimi attended. And my intern, Karelle attended also. You forgot about her? Please don’t. Over the weeks, we have been cool. After work, we would head to different places to hang out. Cactus at Ozumba Mbadiwe to have ice cream, Shaun’s bar for karaoke or a totally random lounge and have shots. Also, like almost everyone who schooled in the states, she drinks a lot, and knows how to drink. Karelle is a foodie. And it annoys me. Why? She’s in the league of people who eat everything they see but nothing shows on their body. She can eat at anytime also, and the more she eats, the flatter her tummy. Unlike me: If I eat at 9pm for 3 consecutive days, I start looking like soaked puff-puff. Well, Otunba is big, so it’s a reflection of his I’m displaying. Thank you, I know he’s not my “birth father”.
On one of those happy-hour days, Karelle and I went to a live band and we were having shots of tequila. When I felt I was getting close to my alcohol elastic limit, I told her I was done. She said ‘take one more, and I’ll kiss you’. To be honest, I’d taken away any other thoughts apart from platonic friendship off my mind, as relating to Karelle. But since it’s an invitation, why not. As I took the shot, she pouted for me to get my kiss. As a sharp guy, I longed forward and just few inches away, this babe used her palm to push my lips away saying “Ashewo kobo kobo’. Arghhhhh! This thing entered my body, deep into my marrows. Na me babe do like this? I laughed it off and more strongly, zeroed my mind and forgot about having anything with her. 
 
On the day of my send forth, she came in a pair of these denim looking leggings, a plaid shirt with some top buttons flying loose, Nike air max and a hat. She wasn’t necessarily looking the hottest but her accent when she spoke got everyone’s attention. All these IJGBs (I just got back) people coming to show themselves. So I was seated on a chair when she walks up to me, and sits on my laps, and starts talking about how she would miss me and wish I would stay longer and the likes. I just hugged her as she was in my laps, and some of my guys went hailing me ‘DJ! Bad guy! Sure boy’. I tried to explain that she was just a colleague and it’s nothing per se and you know the usual response: “Oga, who ask you question?” Karelle then says ‘everyone calls you bad guy and all that. Why didn’t you make a pass at me since’. I deemed that as a question which needed a physical response, not verbal. So I stood her up, and ask that she followed me, so I would explain why. 
I had to SHOW her that I only let my slide pass, not that I couldn’t. I found a good spot and tried to be spontaneous by giving her a swift, unexpected kiss. But this babe just turned face away, so my lips landed on her cheeks. ‘This one is not well oh’, I thought. So I put on my seduction skills, and start talking about how fond I am of her, while I stroked her hair, both my hands were on her waist, trying to hug her and kiss her nape. I moved slowly from nape, to cheeks, and then lips. She stayed put. Ehen!!!!! Correct!  I was kissing more of lip-gloss though, but I didn’t mind. I planned to really get her in the mood before leaving this corridor for a room. 
She’s an excellent kisser. I pulled her so close, enjoying the scent of her perfumes, while she held my head. I stopped abruptly and said ‘follow me’. She obliged. I took her to my room, and as I opened the door, Mimi was on her knees, doing justice to Bimbo. This boy is just mad. The fact that he has access to almost every part of my house doesn’t give him the right to dull my shine. I cussed out on him, closed the door and thought of where to go to. I decided to take her to the boy’s quarters, a building separate from the main house. As we were walking out of the house, guess what?
My girlfriend is in the compound, walking into the main building.
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Click here to read part 4
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Bachelor’s Sojourn – Part 2


This story started from Part 1. Click here to see how the journey started.

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“Are you Deji? The GM said I should call you”. Kai, who has this fine voice? It definitely does not belong to a staff. I look up and it’s the fine lady that was in the Corolla. She brought me back to reality. My sweat pangs were out. We both walked to GM’s office.

“Deji, Good morning. Meet Karelle, our new intern. She would help more in administrative works but please teach her as much as you know on everything. She also went to a private university, so I guess you both would get along easily. Karelle,you would meet the MD when he gets back during the week”.

 

I replied the GM, left his office with Karelle and told her to feel free to ask me anything. In my mind, I meant ‘ask me everything’.

 

“I attended Bowen University. Which did you attend?” I asked. She replied “North Western University”. In my mind, I wondered where that was. I’d sized her up and thought it would be Covenant University or maybe ABTIL.

“Eeerrr where is that? Niger Delta?” I asked.

“No, it’s in Chicago. It’s a private university in Chicago “, she quipped. Aye mi ooohh!!! GM just made a fool of me sha. I should have known o. Her accent had some Yankee twist to it but my yeye Bowen pride and accent took over. How private University in Naija and Chicago take relate na? Well, I must level up. The spirit of “I must belong no go kill me”!

‘I see. You even look like one of them’ I said.

‘Oh please, come on! I’m a full blown Nigerian, Nnewi to be precise ‘ she replied with a push-tap on my shoulder. Yass!! She’s already touching me. DJ for the win!! Bimbo and I have been counting scores with babes, but with this American goal I’m about to score, I’m about to lead with a wide margin. Office romance loading….

 

When I got home later that day, my mum explained to me that Otunba was still very upset. Well, that’s not news. His anger usually takes a week or two: In fact, a semester. Otunba has showed me pepper. He has never hit me before, funny enough. But he knows how to deal with you financially and emotionally. ‎But the funny thing is, I like him a lot! You’re thinking: “Before! Isn’t he your father?”. I’d explain:

Remember Bruce Jenner? One of those Kardashians? Remember he used to be the father, until he changed gender, and became a woman. Someone said he expected his daughters and sons to disown him as their father, since he’s no more a man. ‎But I wonder why that should matter. Does changing sex erode all the things he has done for you as a father? I bet not. And that’s why I like Otunba. Making sense now? NO, Otunba did not change gender!!

Otunba isn’t my real dad. He’s my mum’s husband.

I’ve never met Popo before. Popo is my real dad, whose name is Mr. Popoola. But we communicate, exchange mails and have video called twice. In my view, my father is who was there for me, not who poured semen inside my mother. So I have extremely minimal sentiments and attachment to him. I only remember him when I’ve offended Otunba and he tells me not to touch his TV or refuse to pay my school fees on time.

That school part is bad. When Otunba’s driver drops me in school, it’s usually a Mercedes Benz or a Lexus jeep or something of that nature. So I look like the regular bad guy,in a private university. But if I mistakenly offend him, I would look like someone who a cooperative of farmers are paying his school fees. And it’s really a tough time. That makes me remember my police father (you see why we call him Popo? Popo as in police, Popoola as his real name). Popo works and lives in the Netherlands. He once threatened Otunba, that the day he touches me, is the day he would regret his existence. Well, not like Otunba is scared of such, because if they were both in this country, he would be Otunba’s chief security officer.

 

Anyway, after mum explained Otunba’s grievances, she told me she and my dad had been having conversations in recent times about me moving to the Netherlands. Eyyyy!!!!!! This is scary!! Otunba won’t accept. I don’t know what to expect out there, in another country. I’ve only been abroad only once. Well, if Ghana would pass as abroad.

 

Ghana. I wasted money on that trip. ‎I went with Mimi. Mimi of life! Almighty Mimi!! One Mimi, one Nation!!! One of my guys had Mimi on his BBM display picture, so I asked what’s up with her and he said she was a one-time fling and that he knows a few guys who had smashed her, so she wasn’t a big deal. I said ‘guy, give me this babe, make I build mansion there. I no dey do one time’. He gave me, and after two days conversation, Mimi was in a cab to my house. As she had her own business, she had the luxury of time.

 

I like babes who would take a cab to come see you, and not even think it’s expected of you to pay for the fare. I told the gateman to open the gate for her, while I stalled a little to open the front door. I wanted her to gawk a little at Otunba’s beautiful compound. I opened the kitchen door; so she would know that we also use Air conditioning in the kitchen, and had a TV in it- don’t judge me till you meet Mimi…except she didn’t look like she gave a hoot about all that. That’s her business ooo. Me, I must smash today.

 

As we walked to my room, my mind kept racing. She’s as pretty as she looked in pictures but that voluptuous body was curvier than the picture. She wore this body-con dress made of a very light material, so all her contours were screaming!! Choi! Her body kept saying ‘come and do’, looking like those girls who danced in the music video for ‘pass the agbara’ by the Skuki brothers. Her make up was top notch (however, I later discovered the excessive make up was to cover a not too smooth face).

 

I asked if Baileys was a good drink, she said yes. I wanted her to be under the influence, but not too drunk to be unaware or unconscious of our “business”. Before going to the bathroom to have a quick shower, I had a glass with her, and played ‘wa fe ku lale yi’ by Reminisce. She needed to realize we aren’t here to play, but to get to business. When I got out of the shower, Mimi was done with the Baileys! Chale!!! This one had better not pass out b4 we start anything oh! Without looking at me, she asked for something stronger. Something like Jack Daniels. I went to the bar to get Remy Martin’s and by the time I was back, this babe was smoking in my room. Ehn ehn!!

 

Now, let me say this. Based on comments from my friends, and also voices from my inner man, I’m a sure guy. I don’t drink too much, I can smash almost any babe I put my mind to, and I’m readily available for major fun. There’s a way I would track a babe, and know that it’s s sure deal. Even if she’s fronting, I can work around it and hit the target. So scoring with Mimi was something I’d assessed as possible. But I needed a plan. I mean, in our chats, I’d only said things like ‘choi, this your body is hot, If I catch you ehn! The things I’m doing to you in my head ehn!” and such nuances. She would just say things like ‘lol’ or ‘ yimu’ or ‘leave it like that’. So you see, she’s not necessarily saying yes, neither is she saying no. I decided that we should play truth or dare; she said it’s too boring. Lobatan! She then offered a game from her phone.

 

It’s a game that has two dices. One dice has the following sides: Kiss, Suck, Caress, Bite, Nibble and “your choice” ‘ while the other dice had Ears, Lips, Nether Regions, Boobs, Thighs, Nape’. Then we started playing. Of course, Mimi went first.

She rolled ‎’bite ears’ on the dices. E jo, what is this? I blurted! She laughed, moved closer, bit my ears, n proceeded to lick for some extra seconds. Then she smacked her tongue, exhaled and just did some magic, while on my ears. O boy! I knew I was in for it. Then she stopped. It was my turn next. I rolled ‘nibble thighs’. Please, what’s all this? How does one nibble on thighs? A phone call came in on her phone, and as she picked it, I went to do the mumu task. She didn’t even flinch one bit! Her call lasted for about a minute more, and we continued. She played a ‘suck boobs’ and that‎ caused us to both laugh. “This flat chest of mine? Kuku kill me” I chuckled. She used her fingers to tell me to raise my net T-shirt up, which I did. With a very seductive look, she pushed me on the bed, closed my legs together and sat on me and started this task…She pulled her dress up higher, and I saw that as an invitation, as I grabbed her, but she removed my hands, and pinned them to the end of the bed. After some seconds on this play that brings me no sensation, she holds my two wrists with a hand, and used the other hand to loosen the band of my joggers. All that was on my mind at this point was how to tell Bimbo this gist. One more time, I’m gonna smash a babe at the first meeting…She finally gets my joggers down and she begins to slide her body down, to start what I suppose was an insane oral sensation. Man, I was on fire!! I just hit a jackpot!!!

 

Just before her mouth gets to work, I hear Otunba’s voice calling my name, just outside my room. Holy crap!! I bundled her off me, and we quickly package and then I open the door for Otunba. Remember my last encounter with Otunba? By the Mikano generator?

 

“Deji, I need you to meet my account manager to……haaa, you have a visitor. Omo baba ee! Hello, young woman”.

 

‘Good afternoon, sir ‘, Mimi said.

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Bachelor’s Sojourn – Part 1


Why are these passengers looking at me weird?” Well maybe they are not even looking at me; I’m probably the one being weird. You can’t blame me though; I’ve not gotten into a “Danfo”(local public bus, usually very rickety) in at least 6 years.

The last time I got into one was during JAMB lessons. That was a major highlight for any secondary school (high school) graduate in Nigeria. On my last occasion of dealing with a “danfo”, we had finished classes, and my crew and I were headed to a game house (where you pay to play Play Station and Xbox games). We were almost at the game house, when we saw people running all over the place! Sheesh! Lagos city and its madness!! I could have sworn that someone just saw something funny and screamed, started running and others followed suit, without knowing the cause. But no! This time was different: there was a reason- Masquerades! They were dressed in their regalia holding and lashing out their canes and whips (or “Koboko”). Apparently, they were asking for money and harassing people. We came to quickly learn that if we didn’t want to be harassed, we had to settle them. “Awon werey” (Mad people)- one of my friends hissed. Let’s just say he’s still traumatized from the aftermath of that comment, as one of the masquerades heard him. Ha! As the chaos was going on, some soldiers were passing by. Trust Naija soldiers with their hardened-always-angry-unfriendly faces-but-always-ready-to-exercise-power personalities; they jumped on the chaos that was going on! They accosted the masquerades, collected their whips and commanded them all to lie flat on the scorching hot rocky road. “Shebi you think you are mad”, the fair skinned military man barked out at the now sweaty bunch of “masquerades”. After some time, they told them to do frog jump. That was the funniest thing ever. A crowd gathered, laughing at them. Nigerian law enforcement officers are made in China, however: they don’t last. So they told the masquerades to continue frog jump and go their way. The moment the soldiers got into their trucks, masquerades took over. Trust us to scramble once again.

 

My crew scattered. Trust my Kito sandals to be there for me. But it looked like the masquerades were gaining momentum. Luckily for me, a danfo was picking up passengers so I hopped into one and I was safe. The area still had them around, so my only bet was to follow the danfo. Choi! That’s how I was taken from Ikeja “under the bridge” to Egbeda. I used my game money to pay the fare. Thank God I knew my mother’s phone number, as she was the one who came to pick me at Egbeda.

 

‘Alaye, owo e da’. The conductor jerked me back to reality as he requested for his fare. I took out the 150 Naira I’d kept in my breast pocket and gave him- you must not carry last in this town. The remaining money was safely stored in my deep holed trouser pocket. Every 30 seconds, I would check my pocket and if the person beside me touches me, I would touch my zipper region stylishly. We’ve heard too many tales of disappearing penises and boobs and the likes by an ordinary touch, especially during Christmas period. The desperation for money had no end. And God knew I was not about to become a victim.

 

I got off at my bus stop and took a bike as my colleague had told me. Okada riders know everywhere, so that was my best bet to the office. I kept wondering how the gateman would look at me as I arrived the office, getting off an Okada- a whole omo Otunba, taking okada. I’m sure that Danfo had drained all my Calvin Klein Euphoria perfume. I had some sweat patch at my armpit region.

 

Of all days for this gateman called Ochuko to be outside, he chose today. Buying bread and akara on a Monday morning. Why couldn’t he be inside, so he would not see me get off an Okada. Abeg, I would tell him the car had a fault down the street.

 

‘DJ of life! How na? Which one be Okada today na?

I knew it!! He had to greet me with the Okada line. Bad belle! World people!!

As I was paying the okada rider, one Toyota Corolla pulled up at the gate.

‘Is this T n T Global Services’, asked the make up on fleek-nerdy glasses-no-cleavage-showing-lady.

Ochuko spoke to her for some seconds and opened the gate for her. I clutched my laptop bag to my back, went in and sat directly under the Air conditioner near my desk. While cooling off, I reminisced on the events of the weekend.

 

Grill at the Pent (GATP) is a Sunday all night clubbing event on the island in Lagos. You only find a set of people there – Children of all these politicians who have stolen all our money for their kids, Some Malaysian ‘I just got back’ crew, Or children of oil barons. If a banker attends GATP, he would go with about 5 friends, and they must be ready to spend half-month salary, each. The cars parked there are enough to make you reconsider going in.

 

So my guy, Bimbo, who is a Prince, said we should go to GATP. His sister had gotten married two weeks back, so his share from the money from various governors and senators must be plenty in his hand. He came over, parked his car, and we took mine. I must not dull. The night went well. We popped two bottles of Moet and bought one bottle of Ciroc. That’s good enough for 4 guys at a table. If you think otherwise, come and beat me!

We paid the bills. All went well.

We drove home, even though tipsy. All went well.

It was time to park my car. All didn’t go well!!!

How I managed to think D was R on the gear amazes me. I crashed into the Mikano generator. And it went off. Now, it’s not like the car was badly damaged but the impact was enough to make the generator go off. And Otunba came down. Picture me now, tipsy, my hands interlocked on my head! “Gbese”!!

 

Otunba is my dad. Otunba looks like Idi Amin. Huge, big tummy, and always frowning! Even his laughter still has frowns in it. I try to explain what happened but he won’t hear it. I don’t know why I bothered. He never listens to you when you do wrong. All I remember is him saying ‘don’t touch any of my cars again’ and after some 10 minutes, he drove out to sleep in a guesthouse nearby, which he owns. I guess his judgment comes tomorrow.

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Featured post

Aboard the Air Force One


I natter around alot. In conversations, on the internet and in my mind. So I wondered what it is like to fly aboard the Air Force One ( the official carrier of the President of The United States of America). Guess what? Some people who had worked with him, who were not staff of the Presidency or cabin crew did have some things to say. Intriguing, I must say.

Air Force One Mini Series:  On Board Air Force One
NGCUS  - Ep Code: 4206

Here’s an excerpt from my reading:

Peter Marquez, Space policy geek.

It’s awesome. I only got to fly on her once. I really wish some other former White House staff would answer some of these questions- I know A LOT of other people flew on AF1 and have much better information than I have.

The staff is amazing and after flying on AF1 you will NEVER want to fly commercial again. The experience starts before you even get on the plane.  You are transported from the White House to Andrews and you get to drive right up to the airplane and leave the vehicle and walk up into the plane.  (Only the president and his close staff get the Marine 1 transport to Andrews)

It’s very comfortable- huge seats, desks and tables for working. A full conference room with flat screens and video teleconferencing capability. There’s a computer room with Internet access.

One of the greatest things about AF1 has nothing to do with the aircraft itself– it’s the people that make AF1 run.  All of the AF1 staff appear to really enjoy their jobs and they take great pride in their work.  It definitely appeared that none of them took this great opportunity for granted.  They are also well versed in the history of AF1 and can tell you stories about all the previous AF1s.

The trip I was on was very short.  We were flying from DC to Kennedy Space Center for a speech President Obama was giving.   During the flight I had been helping to work and rework a speech the President was about to give. He kept coming out of his cabin with more edits and changes.  After another round of edits from the boss an attendant looked at me and asked if I needed anything. I jokingly said, “Yes, a nice strong drink. Preferably a single malt” (it was about 9 or 10AM). Without pausing the attendant asks, “what brand and what year?” I had to tell him I was joking.

In addition to my colleagues and a few members of Congress we also had Buzz Aldrin on the flight.  Dr. Aldrin was seated next to me at our table and he starts to get a bit fidgety, he looks around, and he says, “You wanna go take a look around?”

So I stop working for a minute and Dr. Aldrin and I start checking out AF1.  We make it over to the stairs that lead to the upper deck and cockpit and one of the staff members asks if we want to head upstairs and check out the cockpit.  Dr. Aldrin got a big smile on his face and looked at me- we were both smiling like little kids.  Did we want to see the cockpit of AF1? Seriously? You have to ask?

So Dr. Aldrin and I make it up to the flight deck and all of the Air Force officers are in awe of this moon walker and here’s Buzz Aldrin happy as a little kid because he’s hanging out in the cockpit of AF1.  Dr. Aldrin goes into the cockpit and I stand outside of it with my head sticking through the doorway.  So here I am- essentially a nobody and I’m hanging out in the cockpit of AF1, with the pilots, while AF1 is in flight, and I’m with Buzz Aldrin.  Somewhere back in time the 10 year old version of me was saying, “You have got to be kidding me…”

It was way too short of a flight. But just a couple of more interesting bits.

First, as we started to descend I instinctively went back to my seat and buckled up.  But I noticed a lot of the other “frequent flyers” were still up and walking around.  So I asked one of them, “When are we supposed to sit down?”  They just kind of laughed at my “noob question” and said something to the effect of– “You don’t really have to sit down at all just watch how the pilot lands this thing.”  So people were still up and walking around as the plane landed. For someone who had only flown commercial it was a fascinating to me for some reason.  Sure enough- the pilot put her down like a feather and came to a gentle stop. Second, we landed on the space shuttle runway.

Another thing that blew my mind.  Of course we were going to an event at Kennedy Space Center so the closest runway is the space shuttle runway- but landing in AF1 on the space shuttle runway was more mind blowing then not having to sit down during landing.

Finally, you get a bill for the food you eat on AF1 (this may be the only thing AF1 has in common with United).  Since you are eating a meal on AF1 you are doing so at taxpayer expense.  This means you have to reimburse the government for whatever you ate.  That’s completely fair and the right thing to do but it’s something you wouldn’t immediately consider when flying on AF1.  So about a week after my AF1 flight I got a bill sent to me for the lunch I ate on AF1.  That bill made for a great souvenir.

One more thing- if you make a phone call from AF1 it’s routed through a couple of operators who sit up on the flight deck.  They make the outgoing call for you and then they connect you to the person once they make the call.  The cool part is that when they call person for you they say something to the effect of (my memory is a bit fuzzy here), “This is Air Force One, we have a call from <whatever your name is> can you hold while I connect you?” I think just receiving a call from AF1 would be amazing.

 

Jim Long , veteran, Washington, DC based, network news cameraman.

I occasionally fly on Air Force One as part of my job covering the White House as a network news cameraman for NBC.  The best part of traveling on Air Force One is walking on and walking off the plane.  That’s where the adventure is.  You’ve landed and you have to run to your motorcade vehicle – for us it’s “Camera 1” – or you’re boarding the plane, about to embark on a global journey, sometimes a very secret one.

 

I’ve had some memorable flights on the plane.  I’ve done interviews with Presidents on the plane, one while in-flight, with Tom Brokaw and Brian Williams. On a trip to Rome for the funeral of Pope John Paul II, we had 41, 42, and 43 on board. I was on the aircraft when Katrina hit New Orleans.  I remember them calling AP photographer Susan Walsh up to the front cabin to take the picture of Bush peering down at the disaster below. The staff is wonderful.  The even treat the press well! We are relegated to the aft of the aircraft and occasionally the President will come back to speak with the us.  The flying part is just flying, but on AF1 you’re always part of history in the making.  That’s pretty cool.

katrina

 

Joe Lockhart, Former White House Press Secretary

Without a doubt, the best plane in the world to fly on.  First and most importantly, you feel absolutely safe.  No matter how bad the weather conditions or turbulence you always have the feeling that, because the President of the United States in onboard, nothing bad can happen.  It’s the best pilots, the best maintained and crewed airplane in the world.  And, there are no delays or lost luggage. It’s also quite comfortable. A commercial 747 normally seats several hundred people.  The normal Air Force One flight generally has about 50-60 people on board.  While it’s not outfitted like some billionaires private jet, there is plenty of room and plenty of room to work — which is what most people are doing most of the time on the plane. There are a variety of other perks, great movies(although i don’t recommend Air Force One while on Air Force One), getting to watch yourself land on live TV and lots of things with the Air Force One branding that magically disappear each flight. But without a doubt, the best part is who you are traveling with.  My favorite scene was the senior staff cabin one trip with Presidents Bush and President Ford asleep in their seats and President Carter asleep stretched out on the floor.

Rakesh Agrawal, 4 MM frequent flier miles and counting

It depends on who you are: the President and family, invited dignitaries, White House staff, Secret Service or press. All have different experiences. The big advantages of flying on Air Force One:

  • Hobnobbing with power players. By definition, Air Force One is a plane with the President on it. There are many aircraft that have been used as Air Force One. Currently, there are two VC-25s (essentially heavily modified 747s) that serve as Air Force One. There are usually other top aides and members of the press.
  • Don’t have to deal with the TSA (the Nigerian version is NAHCO), though you do have to deal with the Secret Service.
  • Priority landing.
  • The big downside is that if you’re on the plane, you’re probably working.
Featured post

7 countries in 7 days


“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover’’

– H. Jackson Brown Jr.

 

I never for once considered myself as a well-travelled individual. I’ve been to a few cities albeit common and not so exciting; London, Paris, New York, Dubai, Dublin and the list goes on. I developed a soft spot for all afore mentioned cities, but if you told me you were going to any of these for vacation I would literally squint at you till you get the message (Yo, im not saying I won’t go if offered o).

 

Summer 2015 I decided to do something different, I got an idea to visit more than 7 countries in the space of 7 nights. Crazy Crazy Crazy!! What was I thinking, how could I afford such? How much do I even have as savings? Before I go on, my uncle always said a knowledgeable man is a powerful man, if you don’t ask questions you will never know.

IMG-20160816-WA011

 

So here we go, I got an idea to go on a boat cruise with friends touring the eastern Caribbean countries. My itinerary looked something like this:

Lagos – Houston – Fort Lauderdale-Bahamas- St.Thomas -St.Marteen – Eleuthera – Barbados – Jamaica – Fort Lauderdale – Houston – Maryland – Lagos.

 

  1. Lagos – Houston: I was all too familiar with this route, standard 12 hour flight to George W Bush Airport Houston. At the time, United Airline was the only carrier that offered this direct flight to Houston, pretty long flight but relatively stress free.
  2. Houston – Fort Lauderdale: The fun actually began here, 2 hour airport wait went by so fast. Flew united to Florida, upon landing the pilot couldn’t ‘’taxi’’ because there was a thunderstorm and appaz it’s a health & safety hazard because someone got hit by lightening the previous week. Well, this was no problem till I realized I had just 45 mins left to catch the ship.
  3. Fort Lauderdale: America is really beautiful. It trips me knowing that all states are almost as equal in development, unlike most African countries where civilization and development is centered in the capital. We need CHANGE!

Major key 1: To embark on the cruise, all you need is an American Visa, that covers all countries visited.

Take a deep breathe now, and gush at the ‘canoe’ I used in visiting 7 countries:

IMG-20160816-WA023IMG-20160816-WA009

 

 

 

  1. Port le Fort Lauderdale: The first thing that catches you is the size of the ship. The Oasis beats the Titanic in every dimension. The titanic was around 46,000gt, carrying about 3547 passengers and crew (credits to google) while the oasis measures 225,000gt (5 times bigger than Titanic!!) and can carry a maximum of 8,471 passengers on 17 deck. Yes 17 story building on water.

interiorIMG-20160816-WA014IMG-20160816-WA025

 

 

 

 

Major key 2 : Tickets for the cruise are booked months in advance for best rates and do NOT FORGET YOUR PASSPORT AT HOME.

Check in: the check-in process is very straightforward, there are literally no queues and once you board the ship, it’s literally an entirely different world. You are given a smart card that serves as your ATM card on the ship, access card to your room and has all other personal details. Minority report kinda stuff.Forgot to mention.

IMG-20160816-WA027IMG-20160816-WA026Fort Lauderdale – Bahamas: Nassau was the first stop, it took us about 10-15 hours from the port and you wake up to scenes of the sun rising over the great city of Atlantis.

IMG-20160816-WA008222IMG-20160816-WA013

 

 

Nassau, Bahamas: I’ve heard so many great things of this city, unfortunately as a tourist entering via the port. You aren’t allowed to go beyond the tourist areas, sort of like a high street where tourists are entertained. There are no physical restrictions against going beyond this high street, but you are sternly advised not to, to prevent harassment from the locals.Nassau has semblances to Lagos Airport, upon arrival at the port you are greeted with a host of locals who are trying to hustle you to patronize them. Tourism is their major source of revenue. And weed of course.

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I have a long list of countries I would want to visit next. I’ve learnt not to bother spending a lot for cliché trips……….

if you want to see more of travel related posts, click here.

Featured post

Tale of 6 Beings. (fiction)


Decided to try my hands on fiction. Not as easy as I expected. After a full day, I came up with this.
Views and ratings appreciated.

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My name is Pam, and I’m a murderer.

tale

 
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“Oh yes, yes Caro..!! I love being here!! Punish me for coming late”. These were the words from MD’s lips while he was with his mistress. She pleasured him with dominating and fetish sessions. Whips, cuffs, balls, uniforms, name it. MD was a masochist. Pain brought pleasure to him, especially sexually. He was the opposite of Christian Grey. While Christian loved to inflict pain for pleasure, MD gets pain for pleasure. And his mistress knows how well to do that, and gets paid handsomely.

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She’s a random youth corper, who was raped at a tender age. So Caro’s idea of enjoying copulation was seeing her partner in pain. That helps relieve the bad thoughts she gets when she re-lives the first time she met a man’s nakedness; the agony, pain and shame brought by her sister’s husband while she was in high school. After some time, Caro adapts and finds a stable man, who she can exhibit her Sadist ways, and get paid. They both get ecstatic with cocaine, which she knows how to get regularly. This day, she takes some alone, and needs Andrew liver salt to relive her, thus she rushes to Madam’s super mart.

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She jumps anytime she hears the honk of his car. No matter the bone in her mouth, or the football she’s playing with. Eiffel is a white fluffy Lhasa. She’s barely ever chained down, except when the house is being fumigated. Her feeding bowl even has her name on it. So in one word, Eiffel is a pompous dog.

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Madam was a submissive. Even days after her wedding to MD, they didn’t make love. She was too timid, totally inexperienced in sexual matters. She laid plainly as MD took her virginity. Till date, she bores him sexually. He’s lost every iota of interest in her. She runs her supermarket and MD’s gas station. She did nothing after her polytechnic days, not even youth service. That explains why she adores the corper who comes often to restock. She gives her everything free, and also ensures she gets fuel for her small Volkswagen Golf when there is scarcity or a very long Que. She’s philanthropic in her own way.

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He was employed to keep the staff of the super mart and gas station in order. He sometimes escorts the truck that brings diesel and supplies. He only knows his boss as Madam. Godspower never fancied marriage but he hopes to have many concubines and a child. Madam sends him to drop Caro home as she did not look too good.

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On that fine day, Godspower dropped her home, helped her inside, only to discover cocaine smeared on the table. Caro broke a major rule of the drug world: never get high on your supply. As a law enforcement agent, she has to pay for this. Either in cash or in kind, or face the law. How else, if not, by sex. Too stoned, the reputed dominant laid back lazily while Godspower took carnal knowledge of her.

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“I’m serious, it’s your baby. I’ve said this repeatedly in the last 6 months” She said to MD, with a heavy, protruding tummy. She needed someone rich and comfortable to take care of her unborn baby, as Godspower would not give the child the life she desires. Caro kept paying and paying for the mistake she made, and it resulted to a developing fetus. Godspower won’t let go, thus someone like MD can silence him. MD calls the unknown sergeant to leave his mistress alone, while he goes home to break the news to Madam. Madam is infuriated, especially when she knows the identity of this mistress. The same Caro she has been nice to all the while. She starts shouting and sends MD out of the house. MD gets in the Cadillac Escalade SUV. Pompous Eiffel is playing as usual, as the tires of the SUV killed it. MD doesn’t even notice, as he dashes out. Caro, ever willing to satisfy her only benefactor, decides to give him a treat, as he seems so pressured up. She ties him, hands and legs, standing, and stuffs her panties in him mouth. The sensation is too much, and his jerking motion for her to stop felt like orgasm, barely did she know he was passing out. Her hands did the wonders on him. They had both gone beyond limits. Meanwhile, Godspower, after the threat, loads his government empowered gun, and goes to meet Caro. Meets her with the lifeless body of MD. She begs to pay in kind, as usual, but forever this time around. But Godspower decides to be a loyal officer of the law and arrest her. A fight it becomes, and a shot springs out. Godspower has been accidentally shot, in the neck region, below the ears, containing a major artery, a ‘no choice but death’ situation. The police, after several futile calls to Madam, decide to go to her house. A lifeless body hanging from the ceiling. The whole drama makes Caro fall into a coma, in which the doctors decided to take out the baby to salvage the situation. A cut into her tummy, little Pam is brought out, however her mum died in the coma.

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So if I say I’m a murderer, would you accept? My birth brought about 5 deaths. My name is Pam, and this is my story.

me,MYSELF and i


This post is about me.I basically asked some friends to ask me 11 random question. Their pictures are included,so link their stories to their faces.

Now let’s talk of the buddy. He BIMBO KASALI. I’ve made 101 good,trusted and no-matter-what friends. But really,what makes Bimbo quite different is that he’s dependable and reliable. As long as its possible,no matter how hard, dude’s got my back. Broken down car, empty wallet, help drop off my sister, pick me from the airport,anything…

omobaArc. Kasali 👑

So yes,he got a chance( like hell,yess) to ask me 11 questions:

1. What do you find attractive in a lady?
– Brains. Light skin. Loud red rubywoo lipstick.

2. What is your dream job?
– My own business abeg.

3. What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten?
– uhm, I guess Blue de Chanel perfume from Tosin Olusemire. She made me d perfume freak I am today.

4. What country would you rather settle down?
– Naija. Nigeria. Abuja for living,lagos for chilling. But Nigeria all the way.

5.Can you stick to one lady?
– seriously?

6. What’s your dream car?
– At the minimum, a German SUV, Japanese Salon car and Italian sport car..all at once…that’s my dream car.

7. What did you do last night.
– Got back from work with so much pressure and stress. Had a little fruit n’ fiber,slept mehn. Being an auditor ain’t easy.

8. How do you choose your friends?
– How did I choose u,dummy!! Yall just wanna associate with me #inmycockyvoice.

9. What do you like most about yourself?
– Lips. Voice. Enthusiasm for business.

10. Who is your celebrity crush?
– Used to think its a dumb thing until I started crushing on Rihanna.

11. What’s your worst fear?
– That I’ll marry someone totally different from what I’ve always bragged about. Not like a fear though, more like something I know that might not just happen.

Over to the next.
Adedolapo Balogun. One line describes her :next to perfect. She’s got all the BIPS(read post on ‘what men want’) and then she completes my sapiosexual nature(attraction to intelligent people). Need I say more? Below are her questions and my answers:
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1.What is the first thing you notice when you meet a person?
– A lady? Everything I see in caro. A man? I see nothing. An elderly person?charisma

2.What picks your interest?
– Cars and business.

3.How do you intend to improve the society?
-Write and talk as many people as possible to know what’s helped me,and what’s just the wrong(or not-the-best) path.

4.Who do you think or know you are?
– Scroll up, and you’ll find a post called ’11 shades of me’ (https://thatafricankid.wordpress.com/11-shades-of-me/)

5.You favorite past-time
-NYSC days….babes, cook n burn my meals, get so broke ,clothing line, no responsibilities, yebo……memoirs of life.

6.You view on politics?
– Nigeria is a real definition of politics.

7.How do you relax or unwind?
– Company of my male friends. Anywhere,anything. And an unplanned journey,good car and free road.

8.The last event you attended?
– Sterling bank beginning of the year party ,invitation by Ademola Ojebiyi.

9.What did you pray about this morning?
– Open my eyes lord to the right woman, no more wasting of emotions and resources.

10.How do you ensure you are fit and healthy?
– I have ice cream and junk just once a week. That’s fair enough,ask someone who knows me well, I’ve reduced.

11. What don’t you like you girl doing?
– Getting so relaxed and not bring any spice to the table. I’m still hot ,and readily up-for-grabs if she doesn’t tighten the knots.

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